Divergent:Four's Story
by TheZanyBookworm
Summary: Four is an 18 year old boy who lives in the future of Chicago. He is a dauntless prodigy, but feels he doesn't truly belong. His past comes up to haunt him ,one way or another. He is about to make a choice to live with the Factionless...That is until he meets Tris Prior, from abnegation. He seems to start comparing himself to her, and just can't get her out of his head.
1. Chapter 11

I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT! MISS VERONICA ROTH DOESSS!I DO NOT OWN DIALOGUE, NOR THE PLOT!ALL IS VERONICA ROTH'SS!

honestly, if i did own divergent, i would be jumping up and down on my bed... possibly even jump on to a train, or off a seven story building, if ya know what i mean :D


	2. Chapter 1

_Past day, 2 years ago, choosing ceremony._

__I am about to escape my father, Marcus. To go far, far away from his house, his belt, and his closet. He told me to pick abnegation on this day, but why should I? So i can stay with HIM? I can't stay here with him, i just can't. I stare at my dresser. If i am going to leave, and join the Dauntless, I want him to know that i have always defied him. I take a glass decoration my mother gave to me when i was little. she told me to hide it., so marcus wouldn't find out. I decide to take it, and leave it on my dresser.

a small act of defiance.

Once i am seated at the ceremony, i think about my aptitude test. My administrator said that my results came out as abnegation, but told me i was actually something different.. and dangerous. He said i was Divergent. That i could easily have belonged in Dauntless, as well as Abnegation, despite what the results say. While i think, my name is called. I go up to the man, take the knife, and put my hand over the fire, which stands for dauntless. i hear a few gasps, and a few whispers, as i walk toward the dauntless.

"Welcome to Dauntless." says a man. "My name is Amar, and i will be in charge of training the Transfers."

He was also my test administartor. Will I be safe?

A new life. One where i can be safe from Marcus, which is ironic, considering the Dauntless jump off trains, use guns, and do other life threatening, crazy things. But at least those things don't seem too scary for me.

_Present day, 2 years later_

This might be the last year I will be Dauntless. I am not brave. Being brave means facing your fears head on. I was meant to be abnegation. I came here to escape one of my fears, which is cowardice. I will be factionless after this year of initiates are done with their training.

We watch the initiates jump off the trains. I know what will happen next. They will have to jump off the building, into the net. I scan the initiates.3 from Erudite, 5 from candor, 1 from abnegation.

_one from abnegation!?_

"Hmm, a stiff." Eric says. He smirks, while looking at her. "Keep an eye on her" he whispers to Max, another Dauntless leader.

He whispers quietly, so i have to lean toward them to hear what Eric is saying. "Her aptitude test results were abnegation, but it wasn't recorded in the system." He says. I don't need to know the end of that sentence. He suspects she is Divergent, and she most likely is.

_Great _i think to myself. I have to keep an eye on her. I can't let Eric try to find out if she is one of the Divergent, because i know what that would lead to.

It would lead to a dead body down at the train tracks, just like it did to my instructor Amar.

I see her jump off the building. i go over to where Lauren is, and try to help the stiff up.

when i catch her, i notice she is small, and i worry she might not be able to make it through initiation, but then i see she has a determined look on her, and i can see that she will try to make it through this, that she will fight to make a point. she has dull blonde hair, and a plain face. she almost looks like ive seen her before.

She reminds me of my fear landscape. i have a small fear, of killing a girl, a girl who looks so plain, and so fragile. and i have to shoot her. the girl i have to shoot is so plain, you could look at her for a long time, but the next day, you would forget how she looked.

Except she isnt as plain as most of the other abnegation. something about her is so noticiable. then i understand what it might be. its her determination. her face is so determined, its striking. and then her eyes. her eyes are so bright, they demand attention.

I suddenly feel nervous. i help her to her feet quickly so no one notices that im not really breatheing.

"Thank you" she says.

"can't believe it" says Lauren. "A stiff the first to jump? Unheard of."she finishes.

"there's a reason why she left them,Lauren" I say, finally able to breathe again.. I ask the new stiff her name, and she takes a few seconds answering, unsure of herself.

"Think about it" i say, smiling a little, reminded about how my instructor, Amar made my nickname. he made it so likable, everyone copied it.."you don't get to pick again." i say

"Tris" she says.

i know its probably not her true name. while i was in abnegation, there was no one name "Tris." not that i knew of anyway.

" Make the announcement four" lauren says

"First jumper-Tris" i shout. As people shout and cheer, and jump toward the net, i set my hand on her back, and say "welcome to Dauntless"

Once I am done showing the transfers the pit, and the chasm, and once i am done explaining that that the chasm is dangerous, and about the fine point of idiocy and bravery, i go down the dining hall. I see Tris and her candor friend, Christina, and decide to sit next to them. Tris looks at the hamburger confusingly. "it's beef" i say."put this on it" i give her a small bowl of red sauce. Christina stares shockingly at tris . "you've never had a hamburger before?" she says. "no. Is that what it's called?" tris replies. "stiffs eat plain food" i explain to christina. "why?" she asks. In my opinion she talks too much.

"Extravagance is supposed to be selfish and unnessacary." tris says, shrugging

"no wonder you left" christina says.

"yeah"tris says rolling her eyes."it was just because of the food."

i try not to frown. it reminds me of the reason why i left, and it also makes me wonder why she left abnegation in the first place. whatever it is, i doubt it was because of the food. I don't want to sit next to christina, so i let tris sit in the middle of us.

I see Eric walk into the cafeteria. Eric is always easy to notice. He has tattoos all over himself, and peirces in over 10 locations, it's impossible to not be able to notice him. then again thats probably why he tattooed and peirced himself. to be noticeable.

"who is that!" christina asks.

"thats eric. hes a dauntless leader."

"seriously but hes so young!"

"age doesnt matter here."i say seriously. it really doesnt. if the dauntless think something is wrong with a person, they have no trouble killing them. i would know. I wont be seeing Amar ever again. they might have made it look like he killed himself, but he didnt. he didnt and i know.

i then realize eric is walking toward our table.

_Great_ i think to myself. he's probably here to try to make me seem weak in front of the new initiates. He sets his hand hard on my shoulder. a have a chill in my spine. i don't like it when eric tries to hurt me in a way that looks painless. "well arent you going to introduce me?" he says. "this is tris and christina" i say, hoping he lets go of my shoulder soon.

"Ooh a stiff" he says smirking."well see how long you last."

Tris looks determined the second Eric said that. She should. Initiation here is suposed to be the hardest of all 5 factions.

"what have you been doing lately four?" Eric asks.

"nothing really"

"max says he keeps trying to meet to you, but you dont show up."

Well _thats_ new. Max wants me to be a dauntless leader, mainly because i have four fears, and i did come first in my initiate class. Eric came in second, which is why he tries to hurt me alot. like he is doing with my shoulder now.

I can't be a dauntless leader. i don't truly belong here. sure, i don't fear much, but i am not like them. not how they are now, anyways. the dauntless are supposed to believe in bravery. in the courage that makes one person stand up for another. not beating the life out of others, and scareing other people, and taking up stupid dares. thats not bravery. that is stupidity. two completely different things.

"tell him i am happy with the position i currently hold." i say finally.

"so hes trying to give you a job?" eric asks, clearly threatened. he doesnt want me to hold a better position then his. he knows i could, but the question is will i? of course i wont.

"so it would seem." i say casually.

"and you not interested?"

"i havent been interested for two years."

"well. lets hope he gets the point then." He walks out.

finally. my shoulder can relax again.

"are you two friends?" tris asks.

i try not to sarcastically laugh at that question. me and eric _friends?_

"we were in the same initiate class together. he transferred from erudite."

"where you a transfer too?" she asks. i dont want to answer that question. because then she will ask what faction i came from. i dont like questions.

"i thought i would only have trouble with the candor asking too many questions. now i've got stiffs too?

"it must be because your so approachable. you know. like a bed of nails." she says.

i stare coldly at her. i decided to stay in dauntless because of her, and im starting to regret it already. i expect her to look away. but she stares coldly back.

"careful tris." i say. if she did something like that with eric, he would kill then and there. i hope she doesnt realize that i didnt answer her question on weather or not i was a transfer. if she did notice, she might be curious enough to find out. i noticed she is very observant, and a little too curious. she might have an aptitude for erudite. hopefully eric doesnt make that same connection anytime soon.

"Hey, Four!" zeke yells from another table, calling me over. i dont have anything else to say to tris, other than the fact to be careful, so i go on over.

"what."i say as i sit down next to zeke.

zeke frowns."someone sure is crabby."

"a conversation with eric can do that to a person."

"oh yeah. what did he say?"

"max is trying to see me to offer me that job as a dauntless leader."

"yeah i know that, hes been tying to see you for weeks about that, im talking about what he say to the new stiff."

"oh. he mocked her, and just said 'we'll see how long you last'."

i repeat that sentence in my mind. was that just teasing her, or was that disguised as a threat. i suddenly go cold.

"huh. well. how welcoming."zeke says. "do you really think she might actually make it through initiation. I mean, she is the smallest initiate, and-."

"and she is a stiff." i finish for him, arching my eyebrow.

"well, yeah. you were an exception though. you werent small, and you do have 4 fears." zeke says.

"true" i say smirking.

i see eric outside the dining hall. he is talking to max. they seem to be discussing something.

"i'll see you later." i say to zeke." i have to check up on something."

i walk toward them, inching over to hear what they are saying.

"im telling you, she is one of them! shes abnegation isnt she? dont most of the divergent come from abnegation? lets just end it now. i can push her off the chasm, make it look like she didnt want to try anymore." eric whispers to max. i go cold again. i knew most of the divergent came from abnegation. i just didnt know eric knew that.

"Eric. i have no problem what so ever with that theory. _oh wait!_ i DO!"max whisper-shouts. "do you understand that the abnegation dont believe in suicide! no one would believe that she killed herself. especially if she was the first to jump off! i think she might actually be able to be one of us."

"we already have one stiff transfer in dauntless, we dont NEED another one!" eric says.

" four did exceptionally well during initiation. who knows, maybe this new one would gladly want to be one of us. if she left abnegation, it must be because she despises them."

i know what he is talking about. i found war plans in the control room computers. war on abnegation. i think max is wrong though. i dont think she left because she hates them. she could have left for another reason like i did.

" fine, so she stays for now. but what if she is a confirmed divergent? what then?" eric says.

_thats the same question i had._

"we need someone to see the simulations, to observe them, to find the divergent. eric, i am trusting you with this. i will tell four to send the second stage simulation results for you to observe. understand? if you have reason to believe she is divergent, and have the proof on file for me to see, then i will kill her my self. In fact you will be working with him,you will be the instructor along with four. understand? dont get yourself into trouble with him."

_great. i get to work with the type of person that will kill me if he found out what i was. That is if i dont kill him first for getting on my nerves._

"perfectly fine with me" eric says smiling.

they both leave, and when they do, i go to my room, where i can think in peace. i think back to my initiation. why i left. how i did. who i helped. i realize now, that i have to help her. and so i will.


	3. Chapter 2

_2 years later, Inititaition day_

Alot about initiation has changed over the past two years. The major difference is that initiates don't take the fear landscape test the first day of initiation... on the first day, they learn how to shoot a gun. And i have to teach them. Ive never been very passive while teaching, so it really isnt my fault if i over react while demonstrating.

"The first thing you will learn today is how to shoot a gun. The second is how to win a fight." I give all the initiates guns without looking at them. "Thankfully if you are here, i dont need to teach you how to go on and off a moveing train."

All the initiates are tired. i don't blame them, really, considering they got less then 6 hours of sleep. I don't know why the dauntless leaders expect the most from the initiates, if the initiates are half asleep. Even the stiff is tired.

I explain to them about the three stages, and that each stage is measured differently, and that the first stage is weighed less then stage 2, and the same for stage 3.

Tris looks uncomfortable with the gun in her hand. It is most likely her first time holding one. I dont think she ever expected to fire one.

I talk more about how preperation shows cowardice, and that the first stage tests physicly, the second is emotional, the third is primarily mental. I am about to continue, when one of the initiates starts talking. It's peter. A candor boy.

"But what (yawn) does fireing a gun have to do with (yawn) Bravery?"

I cant believe this. after giving everyone the guns, they are more alert, but this kid is yawning while holding one. If he can casually yawn while holding a gun, he must have no problem with doing other horrid things.

Like i said-im not very passive while i instruct.

i flip the gun in my hand, and click a bullet in place. i put the gun barrel on peters forehead. I see that peter is half stuck in another yawn. His eyes wide eyed with fear.

" . Your holding a loaded gun you idiot . act like it." I then lower the gun.

"And to answer your question..you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if your prepared to defend yourself." I reach the end of the row, and turn around, to walk back across the line of initiates."This is also information you will need later on in stage one, so watch me."

I face the wall with the target. it is exactly like the target i used when i first fired a gun. I position myself, just like Amar taught me. I hold the gun out in front of my, with both hands. I look at the middle of the target, and fire. I imagine the target as erics head. It hits the middle of the target, but in my head, i wish it was erics forehead.

I then let the initiates practice. I observe them as i watch. Well, when i say "them" i mean tris. she doesnt do so great at first. she can shoot fine, but she doesnt aim very well. She talks to one of the Erudite guys. I think his name was will. He says something to her, but i am too far away to hear.

Then, miraculously, she takessome more shots, and she hits the target. she smiles at the boy, and i feel a little jealous, though i dont know why. She shoots 5 more times, and she hits the middle of the target.

I look up at the ceiling and let my mind wander. I remember Amar. I remember how Eric kept watching him, until one day, he ended up dead at the pavement. I know Eric will watch her too, until she ends up dead as well. I f Eric notices i'm trying to help her, he will get even more desperate to kill her. I have to help her, without her, and eric noticing. but how?

I spend lunch talking to Zeke, Lauren, and Shauna. Zeka and shauna are dauntless born, and me and lauren were transfers, so we trained together. I remember i was first, eric was second, zeke third, shauna fourth, and lauren fifth. Me and Lauren took jobs as instructors. WE flipped a coin in the before initiation. the person who won, would get to "train" the dauntless-borns (it's easier, considering they have been here all their lives.) i picked heads, she picked tails, and i was so mad i had to train initiates. Now im happy i get to train initiates, because this means i can keep my Eye on Tris.

I try not to look at her too much, because i don't want anyone(Eric) to notice. I just watch her enough, to make sure she is okay. So far, she has made 3 friends. Will, the boy she talked to earlier today, seems nice enough, and doesn't seem to be too much of a threat. Christina, the big mouthed candor (seriously tris. of ALL people!? Why!?) Although she does seem to talk alot, she seems to defend her. And then there is Albert, or Al for short. He is the largest of all the initiates, and he is candor, but he's quiet. He sits next to tris, a little too closely for my liking. He has bags under his eyes, which means he tired, and he shakes a little, which means he is tense. I should keep an eye on Al.

"Helloooo...four...Four...FOUR!" Shauna yells in my ear.

"what, What,WHAT!" I yell back.

" You seemed out of it...you kept staring at that table over there."Zeke says.

"Gee i wonder why" says lauren, sarcastically.

"what do you mean by that?" Zeke asks for me.

"well think about it. Four was a stiff. Now thier's a new stiff. obviously he's curious, i mean aren't we all?" She says

"it is a little bit strange... i mean to-_four_ came here because he didn't like the other option." Shauna says. She was about to call me by my real name.

Zekes eyes light up "hey! i gotta great idea! how about we make a bet. we make 3 guesses each, on why the new stiff,_tris_, left abnegation. Later on, if we find out why she left, and one of our three guesses are right, everyone pays up 50 dollars each."

Shauna and Lauren nod. I find my self shrugging, and taking up on the offer. i want to hear what these three think about her, and why she would leave.

Shauna goes first.

"hmm. well... my first guess is that maybe her aptitude test said dauntless. my second is maybe she didnt like the jobs offered in abnegation, and my third is she's crazy, and that shes only here for a joke." shauna says.

Then Zeke, the ridiculous.

" She had abnegation as an aptitude test score, but thought she could do better, so came here to prove it. she's a spy pretending to be abnegation so she can steal our secret cake recipe, and lastly, because she has good taste in choosing factions, i mean come on, we are the best faction." Zeke says, beaming."Beat that"

"I will" says Lauren

"She doesn't agree with what the abnegation say, so left them to be with us. Her aptitude was actually Erudite, but she couldn't choose Erudite because she was born abnegation, but she couldnt stay in abnegation, so she came here as a last resort, and lastly... maybe she was actually planning to go to abnegation, but on choosing ceremony, her hand slipped, and went on the dauntless flames instead. your turn four."

i think for a few seconds, and choose logical things, because i doubt her hand slipped, and went on the flames, and i would bet my life that she didn't come here as a spy to steal our cake recipe.(i honestly Wonder how zeke comes up with these preposterous ideas.)

And then i make three guesses.

" She went because she wanted to be free, and wanted to have fun with her life, instead of being in a grey house all day." was my first guess.

"She came here because she wants to learn how to be brave, and wants nothing to do with abnegation." as my second.

"and she thinks she doesn't belong with them. i mean if someone leaves the faction of selflessness, its probably because she thinks she is the opposite-selfish."

Zeke is the first to talk.

"aw man. those guesses are way more likely then a spy, stealing cake...although it's still a possible factor"

We all laugh at Zekes comment.

I look at my watch, and realize that me and Lauren are almost late for training initiates.

"Lauren. time. We have 5 minutes before were late."

"oh god! Eric's gonna kill us...LITERALLY!"

i know what she means. Eric is mad that he got second place during initiation, and he is always trying to find out ways to get back at me, even in the littlest ways. He doesn't like Lauren, because when they where children, Lauren accidentally tripped him down the stairs, and during our initiation, she beat the living daylights out of him. When he got better at fighting, he got his revenge on Lauren by attacking her while she was standing near the chasm. Amar had to stop him. Apparently Eric is still mad about that, which just shows that he likes to really grip at the past. And now that i think of it, i did knock out his tooth during initiation.

Me and lauren gather our initiates, and try to make them hurry into the sparring room, where they will learn to fight.

I walk into the training room, and go cold. I see Eric has made the pairings. but this time, she has to fight peter. And i can't do anything about it.

The initiates file into the room, one by one, when tris sees her aponent, she freezes. i don't know why Eric would do this.

I dont focus on the first few fights. but when it is tris's turn, i focus really hard.

Peter is beating her, really badly. I can't just stand here and watch. that would be Evil. I walk out. i cant stop the fight for her, becuase eric would do just the oppsite. but i know who he will listen to.

"Lauren" i call.

"yes?"

" Problem down at the training room... eric is makeing one of the initiates fight the best fighter... its an unfair fight, but hes not calling it off..." i say between breathes. i had to run all the way here."

"why do i have t stop eric?" she asks

"because he listens to you... if i ask, he'll push it further."

which initiate against who?" she asks.

"stiff against peter."

she gets it. She never liked it when eric gave people an advantage. I follow lauren back into the room.

"Enough" she screams.

peter stops. and eric stares wide eyed.

she goes up to eric

"Eric listen to me. this fight is unfair. im going to take tris to the infirmary. got that?" she threatens.

hard to believe she can be a dandy morning perosn. skipping at every step...like amar...

Tris is in the infirmary. and she is safe. i have a strong urge to be next to her now, but i cant. eric would notice. and i cant risk it.i know she will be fine though. at least for now.

When we are up the next morning, we wait for the train to arrive. I watch Tris carefully. she seems to be okay from the fight with peter. a little pained, and bruised, but okay.

The second peter sees tris, he immediatly tries to make her feel lower then him.

"you okay...you look a little-stiff" the joke isnt even funny, but drew and moly laugh along. i will get my revenge on them one day. i might not do it myself though. i think tris is the one who needs revenge.

"We are all awed by your incredible wit." will remarks

not bad. i think i would like this kid, Will. determined, and quick.

Christina tries to chim in, but her retort isnt as good, but an a plus for effort.

"do i have to hear you bickering all the way to the fence!" i yell.

instantly everyone cans it.

I hear a few whispers, but one whisper catches my ear. and its tris's.

"What do you think is out there?" she asks. "I mean, beyond the fence."

no tris, dont be curious. curiousity is for the erudite. and if you are curious like the erudite, then you are going to be in trouble if people like eric discover it.

it is time to jump off. i explain to the initiates about the fence, and how guarding the gate is another job. a few initiates ask questions. peter asks what my rank was.

"I was first" i say levelly now would you show some respect?

"and you shose to tdo this? why didnt you get a government job?"

"didnt want one" _and eric would have murdered me for that position._

I see one of my fellow inititiates, named ebony.

"Ebony!"i call out.

"hello four" she says.

"hows buisness with the fence area?" i ask. she was sixth in the rankings.

"great. how are your little initiates."

"same old, same old. a few phsyco's, a few people worthy of being here, and people who dont stand a chance."

"and a stiff" she says. she must have found out somehow.

"and a stiff" i say nodding, confirming her answer.

"which one is it?" she asks.

i dont answer. i just look at tris. An amity boy comes out of the car, and hugs her. for some odd reason, i wince. Why do i do that when people get to close to her?

i over hear thier conversation though.

"beatrice? what happened?"

"nothing. just training. nothing" she replies.

beatrice? is that her real name? i suddenly remember her. she had a brother named caleb. her father was andrew prior, and abnegtion leader. I think her brother transferred to erudite. why would they both have to move out of abnegation?

while i am thinking to myself, molly goes up to tris, and tries to bully her.

the only thing i hear, though, is the amity boy say his name. "My name is robert."

i remember him too. he lived next to the priors. He must know beatrice well.

"it was nice to see you ebony." i say.

"anytime four!" she calls back.

Once i am about a foot accross from her, i talk to her.

"I am worried that you have a knack for making unwise decisions."

She crosses her arms. "It was a two-minute conversation."

I don't think a smaller time frame makes it any less unwise."

I am about to touch her bruised eye, but she jerks back. i dont let that stop me though.

I tilt my head back and sigh. "You know, if you could just learn to attack first, you might do better."

"Attack first?" she says. "How will that help?"

"You're fast. If you can get a few good hits in before they know what's going on, you could win." I shrug and let my hand fall to my side.

"I'm surprised you know that," she says quietly, "since you left halfway through my one and only fight."

"It wasn't something I wanted to watch." i say. I hope she knows im different then eric. that there are two ways to see dauntless...the honourable, and the ruthless.

A few seconds later, I clear my throat. "Looks like the next train is here. Time to go, Tris."

**Author's note: HEY GUYS! well, this story is on wattpad, and since it was a success there, thought id add here! :D how is it so far for you guys? :3**


	4. Chapter 3

I wake up Early. It is still dark out. Today is the day of capture flag. We walk right into the dormitories...again, to wake up the initiates.

when everyone has a gun, we stand by the railroad tracks waiting for the walks up next to me. "Time estimate?" He asks.I cant believe him. 2 years here, and he still doesnt know.

"Any minute now. How long is it going to take for you to memorize the schedule?" _10 years, at the least, most likely._i think to my self.

"Why would I, when I have you to remind me?" He shoves me shoulder, a little too hardly, but he does it so often, it doesnt even hurt.

just then the light from the train comes on, and i hoist myself in. I see tris behind me, and pull her in. when i touch her, i feel a twinging feeling in my hands, and my mind, that doesnt want me to let her go. strange. But sadly, she lets go and sits opposite from me. _what did i do?_

then i remember, she probably thinks i made her fight peter. i feel a little sting inside me, but i try not to make it show. thats me. always trying to hide emotion. i do a pretty good job too apparently.

"We'll be dividing into two teams to play capture the flag! Each time will have an even mix of members, Dauntless-born and transfers. One team will get off first and find a place to hide their flag. Then the second team will get off and do the same. i say. most of them are still tired.

"What do we get if we win?" Someone shouts.

"Sounds like a question someone _not _from Dauntless would ask." I raise an eyebrow. "You get to win, of course." they act like children. expecting something in return if they themselves get glory. you do gain one thing in this game though...pride. the dauntless' most important aspect. to most of them anyways.

"You go first." I say to Eric, and he grins.

Shrugging, he picks. "Edward."

he is picking the strongest. i need fast initiates for this game. Just yesterday, i told tris she was fast. i dont want eric to pick her next, so pretend to scan the initiates. "i want the stiff." i say casually. i hear a few people snicker. i dont know is the fastest initiate.

"Got something to prove?" Eric asks. "Or are you just picking the weak ones so that if you lose, you'll have someone to blame it on?"_we'll see whos weak when my team wins this game._

I shrug. "Something like that." i can feel tris' glare burning me. my plan isnt to pick the weak. my plan is to pick the fastest. the faster players will be able to hit the stronger ones, and go after the flag quickly._ think a little eric. I can understand why you couldnt stay in smarty land._

im done chooseing my team which includes fast, narrow people. with a few exceptions.

"Your team can get off second." Eric tells me, smirking.

"Don't do me any favours." I tell him. "You know I don't need them to win." I smile a little.

"No, I know you'll lose no matter when you get off."_ we'll see bout that _

"Take your scrawny team and get off first, then."

Tris lands right behind me. Someone brushes me shoulder, but i know its not tris because i dont get that twingy feeling. "When your team won, where did you put the flag?" Marlene. _Flirting may work on uriah, but not with me missy._

"Telling you wouldn't really be in the spirit of the exercise, Marlene." I say, silently praying for her to let go.

"Come on, Four." she says flirtiously. i brush her off. it was either that, or run away from her.

"Navy Pier!" A Dauntless-born yells. "My brother was on the winning team. They kept the flag at the carousel." show off. his older brother is zeke.

"Let's go there, then." Will says. I am glad i picked him on the team. he was erudite, so maybe he could formulate a plan in his little mind.

"In ten minutes, the other team will pick their location." I say. "I suggest you take this time to formulate a strategy. We may not be Erudite, but mental preparedness is one aspect of your Dauntless training. Arguably, it is the most important aspect." Will comes up and takes the flag from me.

"Some people should stay here and guard, and some people shoud go out and scout the other team's location." He says.

"Yeah, you think?" Marlene takes the flag out of his grasp. "Who puts you in charge, transfer?"

"No one," he says. "But someone's got to do it."

"Maybe we should develop a more defensive strategy. Wait for them to come to us, and take them out." Christina suggets

All around me, everyone starts to bicker. I lean on a carousal horse. I look up and start thinking about my own initiation. how amar's team (which i was in) won by hideing the flag well, while we made a logical plan on how to find the other teams flag. we won in minutes.

Then i think of Tris. I dont know how she came up in my mind, but once she was in their, i couldnt get her out. i start looking for tris, and i try to see what she is doing while the initiates bicker.

i dont see or hear her with the initiates, who are still quarelling.

my head snaps, and i look around, wildly. _where did you go, Tris? _

__I see her. she is near the ferris wheel. she looks up, and puts both feet on one of the rungs, testing her weight. _what on earth are you doing tris?_

"Tris," i call out. she looks behind me, unstartled.

"Yes?" She asks.

"I came to find out what you think you're doing."_i dont know why, but i think its because i care about you...which is odd, considering i wouldnt care if the other initiates where on a ferris wheel._

"I'm seeking higher ground.I don't _think_ I'm doing anything."

I smile, realizing her logic. the higher you are, the more you see.

"All right. I'm coming." i say before my mind can think about it.

"I'll be fine." She tells me.

"Undoubtedly," I reply. i wonder why she thinks i dont trust her on her own.

"So tell me..."heights are one of my fears, but i try to ignore it. _just dont look down._"What do you think the purpose of this exercise is? The game I mean, not the climbing." i want to know how she thinks. ruthlessly? or strategically? its hard to tell. shes climbing a ferris wheel, for gods sake.

"Learning about strategy," she replies. "Teamwork, maybe?" i smile a little. definatly not ruthless.

"Teamwork." i laugh a little. it is supposed to be about teamwork, but that value died out six years ago, when the dauntless initiation changed, according to amar.

"Maybe not,Teamwork doesn't seem to be a Dauntless priority." its not anymore.

"It's supposed to be a priority. It used to be."

then suddenly i hear a voice in my head."Breathe four. you have to breathe to let out your fear. if you hold your breath in, you hold you fear in. if you exhale your breath, you let out your fears, little by little, until you feel normal." It's amar. he used to say that in my simulations. "the best way to go against your fear is to act natural. forget its thier. just like how in abnegation, you had to forget yourself, forget your fears." i hear him say again.

i start talking to her again. i think im crazy for thinking amar's words while climbing a ferris wheel. i heard that people hallucinate before they die...but im not going to think about that right about now.

"What do you think learning strategy has to do with bravery?"

"It...it prepares you to learn strategy so you can use it." she says.

correct again. shes pretty smart...Erudite smart. I realize that i can manage to see if shes divergent, just by noticing the way she acts, and the way she thinks. _you have to find out. ask her questions, note her response._

"Are you all right, Four?" She asks. _shes observing the way im acting to the height._-Erudite

_lets see how dauntless she is._

"Are you _human _Tris? Being up this high...It doesn't scare you at all?" i say. im curious how she reacts to this question.

before she can answer though, a gust of wind pushes her, and she starts to sway. i dont think, i just act. i hold on to her waist, and slowly, bring her back to the rung. i dont want to let go of her, but i do.

"You okay?" I ask quietly, removing my hand.

"Yes" she says, a little tightly. And with that she keeps climbing. After almost falling, she still has the courage to go higher. She didnt let that stop her.-Dauntless.

when we finally the platform near the top, a press my back to the metal for support, breathing a little heavily.

"You're afraid of heights? How do you survive in the Dauntless compound?"she asks._i'll answer that one for you, tris, but be careful. one day your curiousity will get the best of you._

"I ignore my fear. When I make decisions, I pretend it doesn't exist." _its not easy though._

She continues to stare at me. I stare back. I look at her eyes. She is plain, like all abnegation girls. Not the prettiest ive ever seen. But something about her, just makes her stand out from others. i dont know what. her features are plain. she's very small. and she's abnegtion_. just like me._ but it's not that.

I realize what makes her stand out. its her bravery. its her determination. its the look in her, greyish, blue eyes. her eyes show curiousity, confidence, and bravery. She is striking, in a hidden way.

She is looking at me, and i get that twingy feeling i get whenever i touch her. but we are not touching in a physical way. i notice she is looking at me. no, evaluating me, just like the erudite, i dont mind if she looks at me though. not at all. but she shouldnt be curious here. Eric is already watching her.

"what" i say, breaking the comfortable silence.

"Nothing," she mutters._ I dont mind if you look at me later on though. I enjoy your attetion, shockingly._ i dont like being a bug in a microscope, but i do like her, i admit to myself.

"We're not high enough." just when i admitted i like moves to the railings. "I'm going to climb,"_not without me your not._

"For God's sakes, Stiff," attempting to stop her. it doesnt work.

"You don't have to follow me." She says over her shoulder.

what if you fall again? of course i'm comeing.

"Yes, I do." I insist

She keeps climbing, but stops suddenly.

"See that?" She says, pointing somewhere. I keep climbing, and stop when im behind her, fighting the urge to not touch her again. She shivers when she feels my breath, and i smile at that.

" 's coming from the park at the end of the . It's surroned by open space but the trees provide camouflage. Obviously not enough." Take that Eric. That is why i chose her to be on my team.

"Okay." She says, turning around. I resist the urge to lean closer.

"Um, start climbing down. I'll follow you." _Whatever you say. _I scold myself. _stop flirting with her with your mind._

And then her bar creaks.

"Four!" She calls. She is dangling.

" Hold on! Just hold on! I have an idea!" I call up to her, moving as fast as possible.

I go to the controls, and try to turn the wheel on. It does. THANKFULLY. I sigh with relief. i almost lost her.

She jumps, and i rush to her side.

I hold her hands, which are pretty warm.

"you alright?" i ask cautiously.

"Yeah." She mumers, looking at me. I laugh. I augh because i realize i like her. and soon we're both laughing.

"You could have told me that the Ferris wheel worked." She says "We wouldn't have had to climb in the first place."

"I would have, if I had known. Couldn't let you just hang there, so I took a risk. Come on, time to get their flag." I pull her softly to her feet. I wonder if she is okay. She still has bruises from peter.

I lead her back to the others, hand still on hers. I like it. It's small and warm, against my own. And then a voice in my mind says something."Don't think of her like that now. If eric finds out, he will be even more determined to try to get her out of dauntless...or worse, try to kill her." the voice is right. I walk back to the group, where I will let Tris explain what to do.

And then i realize. The voice is Amar's. Guiding me now, like he did 2 years ago.

**like i said, this is the knife throwing scene, which veronica roth already made in fours POV, so i had to make something new, or skip the chapter(which i didnt want to do) so i made it in eric's POV, like some of you wanted... now, lets see how this sicko might think...**

**_Erics POV._**

My anger bubbles up inside of me. I hate four. I HATE him. no, hates a small word...I dispise him...yes thats the word...despise.

He just HAD to win capture the flag. not only that, but max asked HIM how the initiates where doing. IM IN CHARGE! i have the highest and best job a dauntless could have, its true, and i am proud of that. its just the fact that it always seems like four is higher up. i take every chance i get to remind him whos in charge. but i have to remember, that if i piss him off too much, he might try to take my job, which max is still trying to give him apparently.

I have to get back at him. He knows i want my job. i have to find out what HE wants, so i can try to take it, and if i can't manage to take it, i will destroy it.

My plan... Find out what he wants...observe him the whole day. no exceptions.

Today is the day i teach the initiates how to aim and throw a knife. Four asked me to take that out of the curriculum this year. He said it's pointless, and that no one will use it except to impress others.

I told him you never know when you might want to impress someone. honestly, i denied his request because i hate him.

I go in the training romm, and notice four leaning against a wall. He is looking at something. i can tell. i follow his gaze, and it stops at tris._tris?_ and i think i get it. i smirk. He likes the stiff. it's so obvious now. He didnt let her fight the first time, and He chose her first in capture the flag. I cant believe i was so blind!

Now i know what i have to steal. and if i cant manage to steal, then i'll have to destroy, which i have to problem doing. but i have to teach the newbies how to aim.

"Tomorrow will be the last day of stage one," i tell the inititiates."You will resume fighting then," I tell them, "Today, you'll be learning how to aim. Everyone pick up three knifes, and pay attention while Four demonstrates the correct technique for throwing them."

He snaps out of his daze. He doesnt want me to find out he is staring at her. But i already know.

"Now!" I scream at the initiates. It's like thier deaf.

He throws the knives, and hits the center. The initites stare at him like he is the coolest person in the world. I don't know why. He doesnt even have a piercing. I look at tris, and wonder how i can steal her from four. she obviously doesnt know he looks at her.

"Line up!" I yell at the newbies.

I pace back and forth behind the initiates, just for the sake of makeing them tense. i like the look of fear i get when the initiates look at me with the corner of the eyes, trying to forget im there. but i am here. i smile. i like being feared. i dont like feeling feared.

I watch the stiff. she isnt even letting go of the knife. I am about to taunt her, but peter beats me to it.

"I think the Stiff's taken too many hits to the head! Hey, Stiff! Remember what a _knife _is?"

My eyes light up with delight. i enjoy the fact that peter is learning how to taunt. almost half of the things the dauntless say to each other is usually makeing another person seem weak. I excpect to see tris' face turn red with embarressment. but i dont. i dont...

instead i see determination. She picks up her knife, throws, and is the first person to hit the board.

"Hey, Peter. Remember what a _target_ is?" she says back, as peter misses again. i frown. stiff's stronger than she looks. it migh not be easy stealling her away from four...if he really does like her. I am 90% sure though. thier is still that10% chance though.

after half an hour, only one initiate hasn't hit the stupid board._you wont make it out of dauntless alive if you can't hit a board with a knife, idiot._ i decide to pick on him.

"How slow _are_ you, Candor? Do you need glasses? Should I move the target closer to you?" I taunt

Al throws another knife...and misses.

What was that, initiate?"

"It-it slipped,"he stutters. Wonderful! he's afraid of me! now, to make him cower...

"Well, I think you should go get it."

people stop, probably waiting for al to get his knife first, before continueing.

"Did I tell you to stop?"

"Go get it?" Al asks me, "But everyone's still throwing."

"And?"

"And I don't want to get hit."

"I think you can trust your fellow initiates to aim better than you. Go get your knife."

"No," he says.

that ticks me off. no one says no to me.

"Why not? Are you afraid?"

"Of getting stabbed by an airborne knife? Yes I am!"

what a candor. this is a new faction. the action of bravery. act like it.

"Everyone stop!," I yell.

time to learn what happens when you mess with a dauntless leader.

"Clear out of the ring. All except you. Stand in front of the target."

He gulps and walks over to the target. good. hes listening to me. i dont want to throw the knives though. my aim is horrible, and it take me about 5 times before i hit dead center. but i can tell someone i know to do it for me...

"Hey, Four. Give me a hand here, huh?" the fun just got funner!

"You're going to stand there as he throws those knives until you learn not to flinch," I tell al.

"Is this really necessary?" four asks. i freeze. is he doubting my power..again?

"I have the authority here, remember? Here, and everywhere else," I remind him

He turns away, to Al.

"Stop it." says a girl. says tris.

"Any idiot can stand in front of a target. It doesn't prove anything except that you're bullying him. Which, as I recall, is a sign of cowardice." she says

i smirk. i an make four throw knives at her. a perfect opportunity to find out if he does like her. and if he does, make her hate him for throwing knives at her head.

"Then it should be easy for you," I tell her, "If you're willing to take his place."

she comes forth.

"There goes your pretty face," Peter says to her, "Oh, wait. You don't have one."

true. she doesn't. i dont like stiffs. thier always too plain, and bland. it's infuriating.

"If you flinch, Al takes your place. Understand?" he says to her.

hes giving her reassurance. pfft.

I stand close to him, tapping my foot, trying to make him tense. so he can miss, and hit her right in the face.

Four throws the knife. It lands next to her cheek. She closes her eyes. but doesnt flinch.

"You about done, Stiff?"

"No," she snaps.

attitude. she difinatley doesnt like him. i smile.

"Eyes open, then," Four tells her. He taps between his eyebrows. hah! he want her to look him in the eye!

he throws another one, a few inches above her head. fascinating. she doesnt even move.

"Hmm," I say. i meant to just think it, but it silently comes out of my mouth. no one seems to have heard me though.

"Come on Stiff. Let someone else stand there and take it."

"Shut _up_, Four!" she almost yells.

i love this show. the girl four possibly likes yelling at him. but what if he doesnt like her? what if im wrong? i would need to find something else four might want, and take it from him. or destroy it. whichever works best.

He throws the third knife. i expect it to land a few inches away from her ear. but it doesnt. it hits her ear. he nicked it.

and by the looks of it, on purpose.

dammit. i was wrong.

"I would love to stay and see if the rest of you are as daring as she is, but I think that's enough for today."

And I turned to Four.

"Well. That should scare them, huh."

I walk to Tris and place my hand on her shoulder. I smile at her.

"I should keep my eye on you," I tell her.

she glares at me. i dont know why. i made her look strong in front of other initiates.

i walk out the door, and start to pair up people for tomorows fights.

_present day_

I stand near my usual spot near the chasm. it is my own little place, that keeps me hidden, yet safe from the roaring waters ahead. i lead on my usual rock.

i think about my life during initiation. how amar helped me hide my divergence. i also remember how is body looked so twisted near the pavement.

I remember Evelyn, or as she was known in abnegation, my "mother." she sent me a coded message from dauntless. i came out of curiosity. i also came armed, because i thought that it was a set up, and that the leaders found out i was divergent, and decided to lure me into a trap. but it was Evelyn. alive. a liar. an abandon-er. a coward. a person who doesn't fight. she really should pick up on actions speak louder than words.

and then i think of Tris. she might be divergent. she might not have told a soul. i wonder if someone might know about this years aptitude results, for all sixteen year olds.

and then a thought comes to mind.

most of the abnegation volunteer to administrate the aptitude results. but an abnegation teenager, say Tris, would have to take it with another faction administrator. say a dauntless one.

The erudite make the aptitude serums, but they don't administrate the tests usually. besides if an erudite tested her, and she got divergent, she would have been reported, and murdered by now. unless she isnt divergent...i hope she isnt.

the candor...they do administer it now and then, but they are honest. they would tell the results right away, no matter what. and she would be dead. unless im wrong about her.

amity...they would lie for the sake to keep peace. but they dont like all the wires, and they certainly don't like the suspence that happens during an aptitude test.

dauntless... yes, the test administrator would most likely have been a dauntless.

I make a quick descision to go to the control room, and look up the dauntless who have administrated the aptitude test. I would have to do this later on though. today is the the fights. i made tris fight myra the other day. but that doesn't restore her dignity. i give her an aponent that may have gotten her angry. i figured, since molly beat chritina almost senseless, that should fire up tris. also, she is one of peter's lackeys.

i dont pay attention to most of the fights. i am only interested in one of them. molly vs. tris.

i hope tris uses my advice on useing her kness and elbows.

and then its time.

molly makes the first move, but Tris dodges.

something is very strange... she seems a little...sharp today. very on edge. im not sure if thats good or bad.

her eyes dont seem to be thoughtful. they seem vicious. i am looking at her too long, and not at her fighting. i suddenly see molly on the ground. and tris continuously kicking her. this is not the tris i know.. she is being ruthless. and ruthlessness is not bravery. i am a little alarmed.

i go up and hold tris back. she almost gets away from my grasp.

"You won," I say to her softly. "Stop."

she seems to calm down a bit, but the anger from her eyes show a little bit. i see no guilt in them either.

"I think you should leave. Take a walk," I tell her. It helped me calm down many times, to just stroll down the chasm, and just think to myself.

"I'm fine,I'm fine now." she says to herself._ im not sure you are, tris._

i don't know why she went a little out of control. but i dont want to find out. she walks away. i see eric staring at her. no, _observing_ her. he really believes in faction before blood. it makes him a little glad to see tris move on.

it should make me happy too. it means eric no longer suspects her of divergence. that she is safe.

but i am not. i liked her for being selfless. for being smart. for being brave. like when she climbed the Ferris wheel. like when she was the first to jump into the net. like when she was noble enough to let christina take the flag.

but the girl who just knocked someone else unconscience, and couldn't control herself. that couldn't possibly be the same girl.

could it?

Despite what Tris did to molly, i still want to try to help her. but i have to be sure she is divergent first. i need just the slightest bit of proof.

i go to the control room, and look up the dauntless that have administrated the aptitude tests. i see a list of 6 people.

1: Briony

2: Carter

3: Genevieve

4:Victoria

5: Vicky

6: Spencer

I look up all of these people. who ever took tris' test, would want a reason to help her. i have to find that reason.

1:Briony. Dauntless-born. no siblings.-clear.

2:carter. Candor transfer. 1 sibling=Greta=candor.-clear.

3:Genevieve(vivi).Dauntless born. 3 siblings. 2 transferred to erudite. 1 now factionless.-clear.

i wonder who victoria is. thier is no victoria that i know of in dauntless. then i see her nickname, tori. i know her. she game me all my tattoos of all factions. I like tori. she helped me through some tough times over the past two years. especially with amar.

4: victoria(tori). Erudite transfer. 1 sibling. committed suicide.-not so in the clear. i search up this sibling of hers.

Jonathan Wu.

born faction: erudite

chosen faction: dauntless

Cause of Death: Suicide.-_Suicide. amar, supposedly committed suicide... i dont believe that though. i wonder if this, Jonathon really killed himself._

Aptitude result: Inconclusive.

inconclusive.

divergent.

dies of so called, suicide.

Tori does have a special reason for hiding the divergent. I wonder if she hid tris. time to go to the tattoo parlor. but it's not to add another collection to my skin.

I enter the tattoo parlor. Tori is alone, and no one else is in the shop. perfect.

"Hey their Four!" she calls, waving."another tattoo already? i swear four, their are more tattoos on your back, then on my wall here. she says.

i give her a small, crooked smile.

"no. actually, i came here to talk to you about something." i say.

"is it about amar?"

"no, actually. it's partially about the aptitude results."

she freezes.

"what about them" she says, barely whispering.

"i heard you administered them this year."

"yes, and?" she says, as calmly as she can, but it comes out as a snap.

"can you tell me who's aptitude tests you took?" i ask.

"that's private information. Im sorry i can't tell you."

"fine, but can i ask you something?"

"yes?"

"Did you take Beatrice Prior's Test results?"

she pauses. and looks down.

"you mean Tris. Yes. Yes I did in fact."

"may i ask...what where her results?"

she freezes. holding her breath.

"Abnegation." she says calmly.

i think she is lieng.

"Tori. I don't think she is."

" well, it's what her aptitude was."

"or...where they something different..."

she looks up at me, almost flash with panic.

"Four, are you okay?" she puts her hand on my forehead."your head is boiling."

"I'm fine tori. it's just that...i need an honest answer from you."

"im being honest. if you dont believe me, look up her records." she says normally. trying to sound normal anyways...

"tori. i know about your brother. i looked up his records. i know about divergence."

she looks up at me emotionlessly. she stares for a few minutes, with a blank face. i stare back.

"I also know Amar was divergent too. i dont think he killed himself." i continue quietly.

still no response. until she she opens her mouth.

"What is it you want." she says quietly.

"Is Tris divergent."

She looks at me. blinking occasionally.

"No. She isn't. Four, if you didn't come here for a tattoo, i am going to have to ask you to leave." she says, not looking me in the eye.

i slowly walk out the door. one step in front of the other. i stop by the door.

"Just to let you know...i don't plan on hurting her either way.I never will."

"are you sure? i heard you threw knives at her ear." she retorts. rumor's really do fly around here.

"Everthing i did was to _help _her!"i say marching back to her." Eric would have thrown them himself! and worst of all, she wasnt the target at first!" I rant.

"what do you mean?" she asks quirking and eyebrow.

"i _mean_ eric tried to make me throw knives at this guy named al. but guess who _had_ to step in." i say to myself. but i guess i must have said it out loud.

"oh" is all tori says.

i walk out the door again. as my hand touches the knob, tori says something.

"Four. How do you know about divergence. why would amar admit he was one to _you?" _she asks. even though she isnt erudite anymore, she acts like one.

I dont respond. I walk out the door, quickening my pace. I still don't know for sure if Tris is divergent. But my little talk with tori increased the chances of that.

Which means i have to watch my own back, along with Tris', because she is not doing a good job at it on her own.


	5. Chapter 4

Today is Visiting day. the day where the faction transfers feel tense, wondering if thier family members have come to visit them.

and if they dont come, the initiate feels a pang of guillt.

i sure didnt when marcus didnt show up for my visiting day. In fact it was relief.

i think back to 2 years visiting day Eric, me, a girl named Tammy, and laurens parents didnt show up. Lauren withheld tears. Eric had a flash of dissapointment in his eyes. I stare down at the chasm. i remember Tammy. She spent most of her day looking at me. i knew she had a little bit of a liking for me, but i kept my distance around her. i wasnt interested in her, although she was pretty, with her black hair, her hazel eyes, and her fair skin.

She died two years ago, that night, on visiting day. She went right over the chasm. she left a note though. i remember some of it.

_"i can't live with the guilt. if my parents don't accept my descision of dauntless, then how could i? i have to much pride to join the factionless, so that is why i leave this earth today.~Tammy"_

_n_o one really knew tammy, and she wasn't much of a good inititiate. she had 37 fears, and it took her nearly 3 hours to go through them all, so it wasnt to much of a loss. she only caught the attention of some guys, who sat next to her at the dining hall. she wasn't interested in them. she kept eyeing me. some of the guys cried when they found her dead. I didn't really know how to react to someone ,who barely knew me, committing suicide.

I stand near the chasm. near the place where tammy's body was found. she jumped off because she couldn't bear with the fact her parents didn't come on visiting day, so killed herself. people called her brave for doing such a thing. in abnegation, suicide is self-serving. in dauntless, it should be cowardice, but that has changed, along with the other aspects of dauntless. sometimes, it's like the abnegation are the only faction left who believe in the ordinary acts. it's one reason why i regret leaving. but i didnt have choice. i never have.

i suddenly wonder if tris' parents came. I hear a voice behind me. "He's _handsome."_

I turn around, and see Natalie Prior.

Natalie Prior? is that Tris' mother? I'm dead. Natalie would reconize me. She saw me before the Choosing Ceremony. Before i left dauntless. It would be too suspicious for me to walk away, so i walk toward them.

Natalie offers me her hand. "Hello,My name is Natalie, I'm Beatrice's mother."

"Four," I say. "It's nice to meet you." i shake her hand twice, and give her a knowing look toward Tris, trying to tell her mother what she might already know. i dont want tris to know everything about me yet.

" that a nickname?"

"Yes." I reply. she must not have caught what i was trying to tell her. That or she doesn't reconize me.

"Your daughter is doing well here. I've been overseeing her training." Tris shoots me a cruel look. for what reason, i dont know, but i dont think she is over the fact i nicked her ear on purpose, and still probably doesnt know the reason why. for someone so observant, she can be so blind.

"That's good to hear,I know a few things about Dauntless initiation, and I was worried about her."_how would you know about the initiation here?_

I look over to tris, and start to analyze her. She is stronger then she looks. and smart. i start gazing at her lips, and fight the urge to tell her i like her, and won't let anything happen to her.

"You shouldn't worry." i say. she shouldn't, because tris can well enough take care of herself, and because i will try to help her if she needs it. I also want to know how far she can go before she crumbles. If she can crumble.

"You look familiar for some reason, Four." That snaps me out of my daze a little bit too quickly.

"I can't imagine why.I don't make a habit of associating with the Abnegation." especially marcus.

"Few people do, these days. I don't take it personally." she says, laughing a little. she reconizes me, but doesnt know how. thats good, i guess.

"Well, I'll leave you to your reunion." i say walking away.

I go to post the ranking for the end of stage one. tris is in 6th. she is cut, if the no one in the dauntless Born's aren't out. but there will be two in the dauntless-born dorms, who will have to pack up and leave dauntless. kyle and Ryley. they weren't truly meant for dauntless. they stayed for family, but they didn't belong here. i don't really care, as long as it means tris is safe and still in the running. simulations are next. i have to keep an eye out for any signs of divergence.

after i am done, i decide to go in the control room, and check security cameras. They are hidden all over the place. one of the reasons i picked this job, is because i know which places have cameras, and which places don't. You never know when that knowledge might come in handy.

I watch the footage of the camera's in the dorm. i know it is hidden in the corner of the room, on the ceiling. a pretty good angle of all the initiate's beds. I see Al The sledgehammer. he won't make it through initiation. i don't know why he would choose dauntless in the first place. he is not brave. he is too soft. someone like him should be in amity. His parents came today. i wonder why he didn't want to see them.

I see Tris walk into the dormitory. She sits next to al. I zoom in, and turn the volume up to see what they are talking about, for no logical reason.

"There you are!Your parents were looking for you. did they find you?" Tris says.

sledgehammer, shakes his head.

"You didnt want to see them?"

"Didnt want them to ask how i was doing. Id have to tell them and they would know if i was lying."

"well...what wrong with how your doing?" she asks. i almost laugh. everyone knows Al is doing terribly.

Al laughs. apparantly he knows too.

"I've lost every fight since the one with will. Im not doing well."

"by choice, though. couldnt you tell them that too?"

he shakes his head. "Dad always wanted me to come here. I mean, they said they wanted me to stay in candor, but thats what there supposed to say. Theyve always admired the dauntless, both of them. they wouldnt understand if i tried to explain it to them."

"Oh. is that why you chose dauntless? because of your parents?"tris says.

"no. i guess it was because... it hink it's important to protect people. To stand up for people like you did for me."_**He smiles at her**_. i have a strange urge to go in thier and punch him. but i resist.

"that's what the dauntless are supposed to do right? Thats what courage ... hurting people for no reason."

Tris sits thier and thinks for a few seconds, tilting her head to the side.

"Maybe it will be once initiation is over."

"To bad i might come in last. i guess we'll see tonight."

your not last al, but your still cut.

tris awkwardly sits their for a moment.

"I feel braver when im around you, you know. Like i could actually fit in here, the same way you do." sledgeha-**_al,_**says. Tris is about to say something but Al puts his hand around her shoulders. I tense up, and my eyes are wide. i don't want Al to be near her. I don't like the idea of it one bit. I wait for Tris' reaction.

To my relief, Tris Freezes, and her cheeks redden a little bit. She straightens, and puts her hands on her lap, clasped together. Al's hand falls away.

"Tris, i..." al says. his face is red. He looks embarrassed.

"Um...sorry..."_**you should be**__"i wasnt trying to..."_**_Yeah right."_**Um sorry.**_"_**

she sits for a few seconds, Al, anxious for her response. She takes a deep breath, and when she lets it out, She smiles a crooked smile.

"Sorry about what?" she obviously just wants to pretend nothing happened. i dont blame her.

"I should go" she says standing. **_Run out of their tris. just run._**

i think to myself, hopeing that i can somehow telepathically send that message through.

"You going to be okay? because of your parents, n ot because of..."tris says, unable to finish.

"Oh yeah. Ill see you later tris." he nods so fast, and so hard, i expect his head to fall out.

Tris speed walks out of the room, trying not to break into a run. Once the door closes behind her, she puts a hand on her head, closes her eyes, and smiles a little. i know that smile. it's an awkward smile. the smile i got when shauna said she liked me.

I didnt like her back that way. hopefully tris doesn't like al either.

I laugh at my self. _are you really getting jealous four. you just have to make sure she isnt divergent. why do you like her so much?She's plain. thier are so many others you could possibly have, that are_ prettier.i think to myself, trying to think of reasons why i shouldn't like her. the only reason i got was she's plain.

then a thought comes to mind._ your not looking for pretty. you can't stop thinking about her,for the fact that she is brave, and strong, and bright, and selfless, and honorable, and modest,and she believes in the ordinary acts of bravery. She thinks before she acts. she is not like the other dauntless girls here._

_she is not pretty. but she is NOT plain. she is striking._

_She is trying to find out where she belongs. And you will try to push her to the limits. too see how far she can go, before she breaks. but you know thier is no breaking boundary._

_she is stubborn._

_she is selfless._

_she is brave._

_she has courage._

_she is one of a kind._

_but hopefully not divergent one of a kind._

Rankings for stage one.

"For those of you who just came in, I'm explaining how the ranks are determined," I tell them. "After the first round of fights, we ranked you according to your skill level. The number of points you earn depends on your skill level and the skill level of the person you beat. You earn more points for improving and more points for beating someone of a high skill level. I don't reward preying on the weak. That is cowardice."

I glare at peter, so only he notices, and no one else.

"If you have a high rank, you lose points for losing to a low-ranked opponent."

Molly makes a noise so hideous, it sounds worse then a cat dieing.

"Stage two of training if weighted more heavily than stage one, because it is more closely tied to overcoming cowardice." I say. "That said, it is extremely difficult to rank high at the end of initiation if you rank low in stage one."

Tris moves around awkawardly from side to side. i stare at her, and she looks away. I hope she isn't afraid of me.

"We will announce the cuts tomorrow. The fact that you are transfers and the Dauntless-born initiates are not will not be taken into consideration. Four of you could be factionless and non of them. Or four of them could be factionless and none of you. Or any combination thereof. That said, here are your ranks."

I hang the board.

"What?" Molly pipes up, pointing a stubby finger at Christina. "I beat her! I beat her in _minutes_, and she's ranked _above_me?"

"Yeah,And?" Christina says smirking.

"If you intend to secure yourself a high rank, I suggest you don't make a habit of losing to low-ranked opponents."

I walk out of the room. i can just feel tris' eyes burning behind me, Like a laser on my head. I only said what i said so that she isn't the center of attention. If that happens, she will be in trouble with the leaders. People who are the center of attention in dauntless, tend to get in more serious situations than it looks.

i would know. because i am divergent. and so was amar.

he became the center of dauntless a year after my initition. I never saw him again

I am in the control room, looking at the cameras.

Camera in the pit: just two people talking.

camera near the chasm: just the old railing. no people.

Camera in the hallways: Clear.

Camera in the dorms: Edward with a knife in his eye, screaming on Tris' lap.

_Wait. What?_

i go back to that camera. Edward has a silver stick of some sort in his eye. I think it is one of the many butter knifes in the dining hall. He screams at Tris who is sitting next to him trying to calm him down. Abnegation to the end.

I look back at the footage, to try to see who might have done this. It is 12:17 right now. i go back at 12:10. nothing.

12:11:35. nothing.

then at 12:12:06, i see peter and drew, pin down Edward- drew keeping Edwards screams in., and then peter taking the butter knife out of his back pocket. I know what happens next, so i don't watch.

I go back to what is happening at the dorms that moment. Tris is scrubbing the blood on the floor. She is going to give herself away. i am not sure if she is divergent. ill find out soon though. the day after tomorrow is the first day of stage two. some call it the simulation stage.

but the dauntless leaders have come to know it as, the hunt for the divergent.

I hope i find them first.

But for now, i go further into all the security cameras. In the hallways, next to the dining hall, i see Edward. He is upright and tall. Arrogant and proud. Peter walks by, and Edward says something. i think it is giving Peter congratulations on getting second. Then I see peter say something. i turn up the volume to hear this argument.

"You may have gotten first, but everyone knows i am better then you." peter says snarling.

"well, it didn't look like that when i beat you up the other day" ed ward says smiling.

"that was sheer luck!" peter screams. "want to see who's better? right here, right now!" peter says pointing at the ground.

Edward has his knees bent, and his eyes narrowed. about to prey on peter. peter is in a similar position.

they both lunge at each other. Edward, scraping peter's knee, and punching his jaw.

peter try's to punch him, but Edward kicks his feet, making him fall down. Edward then kicks peter's face. Peter, almost unconscious says to peter "Don't get yourself in fight's you know you'll lose." He says, before walking away, leaving a half beaten peter on the ground.

4 minutes, 27 seconds later, peter is conscious again, and marched straight for the dining hall. probably getting the knife. and then talks to drew.

Edward got himself into this mess. fighting an initiate for no apparent reason, other than the fact that peter was mad at him? and it wasn't a good reason to fight.

And now everyone is giving Edward pity.

some part of me thinks Edward deserved it.

and another part of me thinks, poking a guy in the eye with a butter knife for revenge while asleep is pure cowardice.

Eric come's up to me, and tell's me edward and myra quit. Edward because of his one eye, and myra because she claims "i don't want to continue without him."

honestly, i think she quit because she knew she was going to be cut, so she quit before she lost that dignity.

Al was supposed to be cut as well, but the leaders decided to spare him until the next stage. Edward and Myra leaving just saved him. pretty lucky.

I change the names on the board, but I leave Edwards name on it, at the true number one spot, because that is what he worked hard for. He deserves, at least that.

After the day off the initiates got, i set up the simulation room. It is basically a room, with a chair, and a computer where i can send the data to the leaders.

I must say simulation's keep me doing my job, for two reasons.

1. I can't be bored, looking for the divergent, who would be killed if i really sent the data to the leaders.

2. The initiates have something, like an aftershock after the simulations.

In stage two, the dauntless-Born's are evaluated with the transfers.

So far, Peter almost strangled me(i pushed him away.)

Molly froze, and stopped breathing.( i actually timed how long she held her breath. she did an impressive three minutes.)

Christina screamed to the top of her lungs, and cried.(i had ear plugs in my drawer, just for that reason.)

Will had a staring contest with the wall, looking at it wide eyed..(the wall won, but He did try for 5 minutes.)

Al fainted.(i didn't know what to do about that,)

Lynn kicked me, and sobbed a little(i think my leg might be broken.)

Marlene fainted.(i splashed her with water. she said she'd get me for that.)

The other Dauntless-Born's tried to walk off normally.(they all stumbled, and wobbled on their way out, flinching as if something threatened to bite them.)

Their where only three left. Tris. Uriah. And Drew.

"Come on, Tris." i tell her, motioning her to enter. Drew tries to trip her but she moves away at the last second. I close the door behind us.

Tris stops suddenly, and I bump into her from behind. That would be the second time today.  
I nudge her toward the chair. and say "sit." Out of all the simulations iv'e seen today, none of them have any signs of divergence. Let's hope that doesn't end.

"What's the stimulation?" she says a little shakily.

"Ever heard the phrase 'face your fears'?" I say. "We're taking that literally. The simulation will teach you to control your emotions in the midst of a frightening situation."

"Do you ever administer the aptitude tests?" she asks.

I wonder why she asked. The aptitude testers for dauntless are a little scary to the student at first. Then again. I threw knives at her, and i do scold her a little too much, but it is for her own good.

"No," I say. "I avoid Stiffs as much as possible." mostly because i don't want them to recognize me. that and the leaders would assume it is because i want to see a bunch of abnegation, and would claim i don't understand faction before blood.

Tris stares at be, one brow raised. "why?"

Iv'e already told her more than i should. I don't want her to know. or do i? iv'e told her more than anyone should know about me, and yet i don't mind, because i trust her. I admit, i like her. but i promised myself i wouldn't say it again. Then again, im not candor.i can lie to myself. i like her, i like her, i like her.

"Do you ask me that because you think I'll actually answer?"

"Why do you say vague things if you don't want to be asked about them?"

I move her hair to the side. mostly because i have to inject her. but the other part being because i want to try to calm her down a bit. I tap the needle in my hand. and i admit...i want my skin to touch hers at least another time

"An injection?" she asks.

"We use a more advanced version of the simulation here,a different serum, no wires or electrodes for you."

"How does it work without wires?" she is curious, and wants knowledge. such an erudite, but not the Jeanine kind of Erudite. The kind that pursues knowledge for the sake of intelligence. Unlike most of them, who want's knowledge for control.

"Well, _I _have wires, so I can see what's going on. But for you, there's a tiny transmitter in the serum that sends data to the computer."

I press the plunger down. she winces a little bit.

"The serum will on into effect in sixty seconds. This simulation is different from the aptitude test," I explain. "In addition to containing the transmitter, the serum stimulates the amygdale, which is the part of the brain involved in processing negative emotions – like fear – and then induces a hallucination. The brain's electrical activity is then transmitted to our computer, which then translates your hallucination into a simulated image that I can see and monitor. I will then forward the recording to Dauntless administrators. You stay in the hallucination until you calm down – that is, lower your heart rate and control your breathing."

I put my hand on both sides of her head. and lean over to her.

"Be brave, first time is always the hardest."

Her eyes flutter, and she is in the simulation.

I wire myself up so i can see what is going on.

I see Tris. she stands in the middle of a field, with long grass. she is confused. a crow lands on her shoulder. it's talons piercing her skin. she swats it away, irritated. but it doesn't move. she tries again, but their is no result.

Then a whole entire swarm of birds comes. crows. they start pecking at her. My abnegation part tells me to try to help her. My dauntless part tells me to help her. but i can't. they peck at her, and she starts to scream for help.

I hope she remembers to keep calm. i pray for her heartbeat to lower.

Her heartbeat lowers. thank god.i don't think i could have watched another second of that.

She is out of the simulation. she groans a little. an impressive attempt. I put my hand on her shoulder. I forgot about the aftershocks, and how the little things can startle a person when they come out of the simulation. she punches my stomach.

"Don't touch me!" she yells. Out of all the simulation aftershocks, Tris' doesn't seem to be doing that badly. she's calmer than the other initiates where.

"It's over," i say stroking her hair. she rocks back and forth a little, but she knows that she is alright. she knows. she is pretty calm. the first time is always the worst. this is her worst fear, or rather it should be, and she isn't losing it like all the other initiates.

fascinating.

though their where no signs of divergence in the actual simulation, her aftershock reaction proves that she might be like amar and i. that, or she is really good at concealing fear.

"Tris…"i start. I don't finish my sentence. i don't know what to say.

"Tris, I'm going to take you back to the dorms, okay?" i say.

"No!They can't see me…not like this…" I have to agree. i don't want anyone to think she is week. she cry's a little.

"Oh, calm down," I roll my eyes.

"I'll take you out the back door." i say.

"I don't need you to-" she starts, but i interrupt her

"Nonsense." i say. i hold of her arm and guide her out of the room, down the hallway. I am a little relieved that she doesn't resist. _maybe she's trusting me a little more._

When we are a few yards away, she yanks her arm away.

"Why did you do that to me?What was the point of that, huh? I wasn't aware that when I chose Dauntless, I was signing up for weeks of torture!"

Dauntless. it isn't what it's supposed to be. it isn't supposed to be 's supposed to be courage.

"Did you think overcoming cowardice would be easy?" I say calmly.

"That isn't overcoming cowardice!"She yells "Cowardice is how you decide to be in real life, and in real life, I am not getting pecked to death by crows, Four!" she sobs a little.

"I want to go home," she says a few seconds later.

I remember what that guy, Robert said to her on the day of the of that field trip. _"I'm sure the abnegation would take you back."_ _  
_

I can't let her go back to abnegation.

Before initiation, i saw war plans. war on abnegation.

If she goes back, she would be in the war, unarmed, and most likely would... i can't even think of the word. i won't let that happen. especially not after a few more weeks of initiation.

"Learning how to think in the midst of fear is a lesson that everyone, even your Stiff family, needs to learn. That's what we're trying to teach you. If you can't learn it, you'll need to get the hell out of here, because we won't want you."

"I'm _trying_.But I failed. I'm failing." she says, sobbing.

"How long do you think you spent in that hallucination, Tris?"

"I don't know. A half hour?"_ not even close_

"Three got out three times faster than the other initiates. Whatever you are, you're not a failure."_ and i am keeping fingers crossed that you are not divergent, or else Eric would kill you._

"Tomorrow you'll be better at this. You'll see." i say looking at her. Even when she is crying, her eyes are still demanding, and fierce.

"Tomorrow?" she asks, a little surprised.

I nod.

She isn't having a mental break down. she isn't even wobbling while she walks. she seems to have forgotten about the crows. we walk back to the dorms in silence. after a while though...

"What was your first hallucination?" she asks.

I don't want to lie to her. i also don't want to snap at her. i want to tell her, but not the whole truth. yet.

"It wasn't a 'what' so much as a 'who'.It's not important." i shrug.

"And are you over that fear now?"

"Not yet.I may never be." i say. my fear of Marcus might never end.

"So they don't go away?"

"Sometimes they do. And sometimes new fears replace them. But becoming fearless isn't the point. That is impossible. It's learning to control your fear, and how to be free from it, _that's_ the point." i say. i keep telling myself that. i go back to my fear landscape, but i go to learn how to control my fear. not to see if it goes away.

She nods, slowly.

"Anyways,Your fears are rarely what they appear to be in the simulation." i say.

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"Well, are you really afraid of crows?" I smile and tilt my head to the side. "When you see one, do you run away screaming?"

The crows can't be what she is really afraid of. when the crow was on her shoulder, she wasn't scared of it. she was irritated by it.

"No. I guess not."

She steps closer to me. i feel the heat radiating from her skin. She looks at me.

"So what am I really afraid of?" she asks.

"I don't you can know."

"I didn't know becoming Dauntless would be this difficult," she says. she seems surprised at what she just admitted. i am too. but not at her confession. at the fact she trusts me knowing that.

"It wasn't always like this, I'm told," I say. i remember what amar told me about the old dauntless. "Being Dauntless, I mean."

"What changed?"

"The person who controls training sets the standard of Dauntless behaviour. Six years ago Max and the other leaders changed the training methods to make them more competitive and more brutal, said it was supposed to test people's strength. And that changed the priorities of Dauntless as a whole. Bet you can't guess who the leaders' new protégé is."

It's obvious.

"So if you were ranked first in your initiate class, what was Eric's rank?"

"Second."

"So he was their second choice for leadership, and you were their first." She nods, slowly, realizing that.

"What makes you say that?"

"The way Eric was acting at dinner the first night. Jealous, even though he has what he wants."

she fits together the pieces quickly. i wonder if she would guess which faction i came from.

Tris sniffles, one more time. wipes her face, and smoothens her hair.

"Do I look like I've been crying?"

"Hmm," i lean close to her face. i breathe in her scent. A smile tugs the corner of my face.

"No, Tris. You look tough as nails." I say, recalling what Tris said about me the day i first met her.

she smiles a little be fore looking at me, and going inside the dorms. i don't want to leave. but i still have to test Uriah and drew. I sigh as i walk back into the simulation room.

Drew goes first. his fear is of spiders and mice, drowning him in an everlasting pit. it takes him 26 minutes to calm down. when he is out, he has a huge aftershock. he keeps inspecting himself for mice and spiders. he falls on his way out the door.

Next is Uriah. he is a little tired, waiting all day for his test.

he walks in.

"I heard allot of screaming, crying, and sobbing in here. did you perform surgery on them?" Uriah asks.

I let out a short laugh. He's Zeke brother all right. "no. i will give you an injection, that will simulate your worst fear." i say.

Uriah looks at me wide eyed.

"Don't worry. you'll be fine when you wake up."

"what about while I'm under the simulation?" he asks as i inject him.

"you'll have to try to calm down. head the fear straight on, or lower your heart rate." i tell him. This is Uriah. he'll be fine.

The simulation begins. Uriah is in a forest. suddenly, a pack of wolves start toward him, quickly. Uriah isn't fast enough. they attack him. He grunts, but doesn't kicks, but the wolves pin him down. then, out of no where, two Long blade appears on Uriah's hand.

he attacks the wolves. and kills them.

Only one type of person can make something appear in a simulation. a divergent.

.Divergent.

he comes out of his daze.

i stand before him.

He looks at me curiously. what? what happened? did something go wrong?

I don't answer.

"Uriah. What where your aptitude test results."

He looks at a weird look on his face that says "where did that come from?" but none the less, he answers." Dauntless."

He has a fluke test like mine did.

"Uriah. follow me."

he has known me for 2 years. he knows i wont hurt him. so he follows.

i stop at a hallway, with no camera's. an advantage of working in the control room-You know all the camera blind spots.

"Uriah. I don't know where to start, or how to say this, but...your not...just a dauntless. not the normal kind anyway." i say.

"um...okay?i think..."

i sigh."Uriah. your...something called.."i look around, to make sure no one is hearing.

"a divergent" i say.

"whats that?" he asks. he has no clue.

"something dangerous. do NOT tell ANYONE this. not even Zeke. no the wrong people find out...well...remember amar?" i ask him.

he frowns. he and amar where close."yes."

"do you really think he would kill himself?" i ask.

he thinks for a minute, and shakes his head.

"he was killed. because he was leaders made it look like he killed himself." i say sternly.

He straightens, like his spine has turned into tree.

"i wont tell anyone. but you can't either." i tell him, looking him in the eye.

"your divergence is weak. learn to hide it in simulations. just trick yourself, and make yourself think the simulation is real."i tell him. it is what Amar told me.

"why are you helping me?"he asks.

i don't want to tell him i am divergent too. that's for me to know, and no one else to find out.

"i don't want zeke to worry about you. i also don't want another murder from the leaders." i say evenly.

he nods.

"act naturally. like you usually do."i tell him.

"i can do that." he says.

"okay, you can go back to the dorms now. remember. tell no one."i say giving him a serious look.

he . and walks away.

Now i have to delete the footage from Uriah. once i am done with that,i go to my special place in the chasm. away from the cameras, and everybody.

now i have to watch out for Uriah. but he can take care of himself. he can hide it. His is a weaker divergence, like mine.

Tris on the other hand. although, i didn't notice too much today, i am still worried about her. but she can take care of herself divergence might be stronger, and a little noticeable, but i know she is brave, and strong.

I stay here, at the chasm for the rest of the night.


	6. Chapter 5

I am drunk after my….which beer am I on again?

Oh well. Doesn't matter.

"Hey four! truth or dare!" Shauna asks me, in a little high voice. She's even more drunk than me.

"mmmm….."I think. Even though im drunk, I can still think clearly, when I want to. Being drunk is a little like being in a simulation, but on a lower scale. If I want to, I can be drunk. If I want to have a clear mind, I can have a clear mind. One of the good things of being divergent. I wont do crazy things while intoxicated.

I see Shauna look at the chasm. If I choose dare, she would ask me to jump off. She must be really drunk.

"Truth"I say, wanting to be drunk again. I take a few more sips.

"hmm…..did you ever like-like someone?" she asks, cross eyed.

"Nope"I say popping at the p.

"Truth or dare, four" zeke asks. He's not as drunk as me, but he's close.

"dare" zeke won't make me do something stupid.

"I dare you to ask shauna, if she ever like-liked you." He says with a drunk, malicious smrk.

I am too drunk to think. And I don't want to. Thinking hurts. I wonder how Tris does it all the time.

Tris. I imagine her face in my mind.

I realize my feet have been walking to where shauna now stands. Without think my lips start moving, and ask shauna something.

"shauna. Have you ever had a crush on me? Zeke dared me to ask you."I say, my eyes fogging.

Shauna is drunk enough to tell the truth.

"for a lil while. Yeeaah. That was before I found out Zeke was cuutttteee."she slurs. We all crack up. She just admitted she likes Zeke. I have to hold on to the railing to keep from falling into the chasm.

Then I see her. Tris. I am not sure if it is my mind or not. I see Christine on Al's back, and Tris talking to Will. I never imagined the rest of them before. So Tris must really be here.

"Tris!" I call out to her before I can stop myself. I don't want to.

She looks back utterly confused. It's endearing.

Her eyes, that are always so noticeable, now stand out more than anything on her face. She looks brave.

I also notice that she is wearing a sleeveless shirt. Nothing an abnegation person would wear. Good. She's moving on. Pretty well, I may add.

"you look different "I slur out. Danm this alcohol.

"So do you. What are you doing?"

"flirting with y-death" I say. It's a good thing I cleared my mind quickly. I almost said 'you'.

"Drinking near the chasm. Probably not a good idea." I say. I wonder why we drink near the chasm, of all places. It's stupid. Anyone could fall in, and a life could end.

"No, it isn't." she says with a look on her face.

When I talk to her, like she's a normal girl, instead of one of my initiates, my mind feels clearer, and 's better than anything beer could do. It is then that I notice, she has a tattoo on her collarbone.

"Didn't know you had a tattoo" I say, taking yet, another sip from my beer.

I see they are birds. Birds and tris. That rings a bell. Then I remember her simulation.

"Right the crows." I say. Why would anyone want to get a tattoo of something their scared of? Or does it mean something else. I'll have to ask her about it someday.

I look back at shauna, zeke, and lauren. Zeke is an inch away from shauna, and lauren is smacking both of their heads, chanting something to them.

"I'd ask you to hang out with us, but you're not supposed to see me this way."

I hope she doesn't realize I am saying this, and not the Alcohol.

And I hope she doesn't realize I said that I want to talk to her, To know her better, but at the same time I hope she does realize that.

"What way? Drunk? She says. Something in me sinks. She didn't realize what I meant. For someone so smart, tris can be so blind. She's endearing that way.

"yeah…well..no. real I guess."I say in a soft voice.

"I'll pretend I didn't" she says I think I see a small smile. It might be my imagination. Or the Alcohol.

"Nice of you." I say, almost laughing. I put my mouth next to her ear. "you look good tris." I say, my lips touching her ears for a second. I mean what I said, but by now the Alcohol has taken effect.

She laughs a small laugh. I don't know why though, but I like it. "Do me a favor and stay away from the chasm, okay?"she says

"Of course." _Anything for you._ I wink at her.

I walk back to my friends. Or rather, I stumble my way back. I look back, and see tris on Al's back. She waves. I feel a little jealous. But I don't show it.

I raise my glass. "To the new initiates. Our future member's of dauntless." I say raising my glass one more time.

"Hear hear!" the three of us say.

Shauna falls. She is now, officially wasted.

it's The second day of simulations. Aftershocks aren't as bad as they yesterday. thier was no screaming, or fainting, or breathe holding(a pity...i wanted to see if molly would beat her 3 minute record), and no stareing contests with the wall.

the worst that happened today was with Al. he started crying. i told him to go in a more private place to do that.

Uriah hid his divergence well. Is send this one to the dauntless leaders. He stayed in the simulation until he controlled his breathing.

Then it's Tris. She looks tense. I wonder if it's because she's scared of me, or if she is nervous about the simulation. I hope it's the latter option.

"It's just a simulation Tris." I say before injecting her. My words don't seem to calm her. She knows what fear is, and how it can make a person react. She hasn't broken down yet. Ske has bitten her nails raw, and she shakes a little, but she doesn't seem to be scared out of her wits.

And then she is in the simulation. she is in a box. A simulation version of me appears, and points at her feet.

Huh. Maybe I do mean something to her.

All around her are fellow initiates. Staring with emotionless faces

"Hey get me out of here!" she cries. Hitting the glass. I know this isn't real. But it feels real. I remind myself. only a simulation. It's just a simulation. She's not really hurt. It's all I n her head.

"Get me out of here!"

She doesn't let the fear break her down.

She doesn't let herself drown.

She hit's the glass.

The fear makes her alive.

The fear didn't shut her down. It woke her up.

The water engulfs her now.

.thunk. She is hitting the glass chamber. It will do no good. The only options are controlling your breathing, or make the fear worse.

She put's her palm on the glass. When she removes it there is a crack.

_NO!_

The glass is cracking.

_NO!_

She hit's the glass again.

_NO!NO!NO!_

The glass shatters. I delete the footage before it even finishes. Tris jolts up in the chair gasping for air. I stand beside her.

The worst possible thing could happen.

_She is divergent._

I am upset, though I don't know why. I wasn't like this when I found out Uriah was a divergent. I think it is because I don't want Eric to come close to her, because I know he will. The thought of her going to ERUDITE, and given the death serum infuriates me.

"what?" she asks. I don't think she knows to much on what she can do, because of her unique mind.

"How did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Crack the glass."

"I don't know."

She doesn't know a divergent can manipulate a simulation. This angers me. She knows so little on what she can do, that she is vulnerable .

I finally offer my hand to help her out of the chair. She seems calm.

When you come out of a simulation, that simulates fear, you don't get out of it, calm, tris.

I sigh and drag her out of the room.

Once we are a reasonable amount away, she pulls her arm back.

"What!" she asks demands.

"Your divergent." I say in a low voice..

Her eyes jerk back a little, with fear.

"What's divergent?" she asks. For a moment she has be completely fooled. Good. She can pretend well enough. But I know she knows with that look in her eyes, when she observes my reaction.

_Don't play with me tris._

"Don't play stupid." I say angrily. I am upset that she divergent, though I know it's not her own fault. I am upset because I was right. That would be a first.

"I suspected It last time but this time, it's obvious." I can't stay for long. there are still people that need to be tested.

"You manipulated the simulation; you're Divergent." I say that to reassure myself. The look of shock on her face says she didn't know she could do that. That it was a sign of her divergence.

"I'll delete the footage, but unless you want to wind up _dead_ at the bottom of the chasm, you'll figure out how to hide it during the simulations! Now, if you'll excuse me."

The thought of tris dead send chills in my spine.

I leave Tris their, to give her time to compose herself.

Once i am done with the rest of the initiates for the night, i go to the tattoo place, and find tori their. Alone. only she would stay this late in this place.

The wall of art behind her, is mystifying. it's as if the tattoos come alive, and tell you a story, of what they stand for, and the values, and virtues they signify. I can see why Tori likes to just stare at it all night. To her, it's her place of thinking. like how mine is the chasm.

I see a picture of a crow. it looks familiar.

i reconize it as the one that Tris has.

Tori is staring at it. Tris must have come to talk to her about something... that must be what tori seems to be deep in thought about.

"Tori." I say quietly. she jerks from her chair. when she realizes it's me she calms down a bit.

"Four." she replies, just as quiet. " I was right. wasn't i. Tris is Divergent."

"I don't know what your talking about." she replies smoothly. Definitely not a candor.

"I saw her simulation Tori. I deleted it. I am not trying to hurt her."

She gulps.

"Why." she asks.

"WHY do you want to help her. Or any divergent for the matter."

I might as well tell tori. She is keeping Tris a secret. She wouldn't betray me.

" I'm not that different from amar, or tris." I tell her, slowly and quiet. Barely audible.

Her eyes widen. But she doesn't need further explanation.

Then she raises an eyebrow. And gives me a small crooked grin, slowly coming in her face.

"Your to interested in Tris. You seem to care more than you should. Even if she was a divergent your trying to protect." she says.

I straighten. How could she tell so easily that I like her.

"Wha-"I start, but she cuts me off.

"You like her!" she exclaims. I am so glad that no one else is even near to hear that.

My face feels hot. I clench my jaw.

"What makes you say that." I say holding back my shock.

"You come in here a few days ago, demanding to know her aptitude result. You stay in a room with eric to protect her. You know so much about her, it's as if you follow her around, and observe her."

Dammit. Never talk to a former Erudite about this stuff. Ever.

"Don't tell a soul." I glare, my usual cold, menacing glare, that can send Eric cowering at corner.

She still hasn't lost the smile in her mouth.

"When are you going to tell her." she asks, curious.

"Tell her?" I say confusingly

the thought never came to mind. Would I really tell Tris about this? It would make her get in trouble. It would make things complicated. But I know I want to. I know I can't stay away from her. If she came up to me right now to talk to me, I certainly wouldn't ignore her. But would I tell her? How would I even start?

"Yes. When?" she asks, eyes wide.

I can't. and I won't. I don't want to put her in more danger than she already is.

"Never." I say quietly, before leaving.

"wait!" she calls. I look back.

She stares at me for a few minutes.

"She might feel the same." she says.

Then she returns to looking at her wall, at the tattoo of the crow tris has on her collarbone. But then she looks at the flames next to it.

The same tattoo on my neck.

I sit near the chasm for the rest of the night wondering, what it would be like if Tris were here, next to me, in my arms.

it's the first time I ever imagined anyone near me, that close.

I remember the first day I came her, in my little place here at the chasm. It was the day after I first decided to go to my fear landscape, on a weekly basis, to see any changes.

I only wanted one fear out of my chest for good. Sadly, it is still their.

Fear landscape._ My_ fear landscape.

I want tris to know who I am. I want her to find out why I am called four.

I want her to call me by my real name.

My real name.

I haven't heard it in two years.

The thought of Tris' lips saying my real name, calms me down.

I want to show her my fear landscape.

But not now. I will though. When the time is right.

Simulation today. again. Nothing spectacularly out of the ordinary.

Uriah, and Tris have managed to keep their _uniqueness _hidden. Especially Uriah. he acts as if he forgot about it. he must not be taking it that seriously anymore. i warn him again, not to tell a soul.

"Not even Zeke?" he says frowning.

"Not even Zeke." i say, sternly.

He sighs." all right then."

He gets up from the chair. He asks me something.

"Am i the only...you know...this year? are their any of the transfers? Or dauntless Born's?"

i freeze. i don't want to tell anyone about Tris' divergence. Even if that person can be trusted. it just seems like a little part she let me know, and i don't want to just share it out of the open.

"None." i say looking him in the eye, folding my arms.

"If their is someone, just tell me i'm not alone. i don't need a name or anything." he says.

Can i tell him that their is one?can i really say their is one divergent? i'm not sure. Uriah must have seen the conflicted look on his face. he already knows that their is one.

"Transfers or dauntless-borns?" he asks, a little relieved to know he isn't a loner. i know i was.

"i thought you said all you wanted to know was if you were alone?"i say arching my eyebrow.

"i lied.i'm not candor. now. transfers, or one of the other dauntless borns."

"That is private information, Uriah."

"Can i PLEASE just know if it's transfers or dauntless Born's!" He practically begs.

"no you can't."

"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEA-"

"Uriah that may have worked last year, when you wanted your own pellet gun, or a few months ago, when you wanted to zip line with Zeke, or a few weeks ago, when you wanted my piece of cake-" He cuts me off

"which you didn't give me by the way. you owe me."

"let me finish." i say glaring at him. "that may have worked it won't work with something this serious. Telling you about her divergence would be wrong."

"It's Tris isn't it."

i hold back my shock. how the heck did he find out?

"huh?" i say.

"you said telling you about **_her _** divergence would be wrong."

"their are other girls in initiation, Uriah."

" yes but you said, _her_ in the way you say when ever you think about Tris."

huh. maybe i do show a little affection toward her without knowing it. i stare at the wall ahead of us, and stay silent.

"I'm right aren't i." Uriah says, with a smirk. i don't like being teased.

"no. now go. i have more initiates to test. youv'e been in here too long."

"Right. you still have to test Stiff. i should have known it was her. we had a blast Zip-lining."he says turning toward the door.

"wait, what!" i say

Uriah gives me a look, like he's trying hard not to burst out laughing, but quickly composes himself.

"we went zip-lining. she wasn't even scared of the zip line. you know, the trip you didn't want to go to the other day?"

great. The girl i like is staring to have knack for jumping off buildings. swell.

"that doesn't prove anything. how did you come to that conclusion it was her."

"well. she jumped off a building. and she didn't cry, or get scared. dauntless in and out, but a stiff at heart." he says smugly.

"tell anyone, and i'll kill you." im serious too.

"about what? Her divergence. or the fact that your turning red at the fact that you like her."

i just stare at him for a while."both."

"fine. see ya lover-boy." Uriah says laughing.

"says the guy who like Marlene!" i retort back.

Uriah freezes dead in his tracks.

"dammit." he snaps at himself.

"their. now were even. now go. Tris is next." i say, sounding eager. Uriah catches on. sadly.

"Ha. my case of the love bug isn't as high as yours."

im about to tackle him, but he runs out just before i even get a kick on his ankle.

He's right though. I have a certain craving for seeing her. i have an eagerness, too touch her. but she has just gotten away from abnegation a few weeks 's not used to physical contact yet.

yet.

what am i thinking? i feel like a sick idiot.

I'm still not gunna stop.

the simulation for my Tri-...JUST__Tris is the same as yesterday. someone forced her at gun point to shoot her mother, her father, and her brother. it's okay to send this to the leaders, because many initiates had similar fears. sooner or later though, she will have to accept faction before blood.

it was easier for me than it would be for her though.

"I know the simulation isn't real," she says quietly

"You don't have to explain it to me," I tell her.

I don't want her to think that she has to explain to me any of this. i want her to know i understand her.

"You love your family. You don't want to shoot them. Not the most unreasonable thing in the world." i reply.

"In the simulation is the only time I get to see them," she says with a little sadness in her voice.

_why did you leave Tris?_ i want to ask.

i'm not the first person to switch from abnegation to another faction. I'm just the first one who had an abnegation test result, to switch. Or so people think.

_aren't i special. _i think sarcastically to myself.

"I miss them. You ever just…miss your family?" she says with the same yearning voice. what is she yearning for exactly?

Do I? Do I really?

"No,I don't. But that's unusual."

It's true too. it's definitely not typical for a father to lash his kid, and his wife multiple times for no good reason, except to erase his tenseness from the whole day. and it isn't typical that your mother leaves you with a psychopathic father by faking her death, and then showing up, to make you want to join a bunch of people with broken teeth, who live in a place that makes you feel like your drowning in urine.

saying me not missing my family,is an ironic understatement.

Tris looks at me like she is about to ask why. i hope she doesn't. she seems to understand that i don't like that topic.

She gets up to leave. she stops her hand above the doorknob. she turns around and look sat me in the eye.

the second she does, all the air in my lungs comes out, like someone threw a ball at my stomach without me being fast enough to stop it.

i look back. Mesmerized. she is looking me in the eye. but not as a challenge, like she did the first night i met her.

she looks at me with slight admiration.

and i stare back.

it might have been a few seconds. it might have been minutes. hell, it could have been hours. she seems to snap out of it. when she looks away, i feel a twinge of emptiness, like a part of me just left.

maybe it has.

Me, Zeke,Lauren, and Shauna spend our time just walking along the pit.

Me and lauren start talking about initiate training. it's the only thing we're comfortable talking about. after all. she did try to kiss me a few weeks before this years haven't talked about anything normal ever since.

I know she's over it though. i saw her flirting with another guy the other day.i'm glad for that. we just talk about trianing methods for now, until we can talk about other stuff without it being awkward.

Shauna and Zeke join in the conversation.

"How's Uri doing?"he says with a little concern, but with a whole lot more confidence.

"great. he'll get a top ten spot if he keeps it up." i say.

"So. how's your little stiff doing."

i jerk up at the comment. i compose myself though.

"First off. she isn't _my little stiff."_i say.

_right. she's your tris. your brave, determined, confident, tris. not you little stiff._ my mind says to itself.

"well, when you talk about her, you do say it like you don't want anyone near her." Zeke points out.

" and you do talk about her. often." shauna replies

"what. she just...it's...i..." i stutter.

zeke's jaw hits the practically drops to the floor."i never thought i'd see the day four be speachless. and i certainly never expected you to like anyone. especially a stiff. and _her._ i mean. come on. their's a dauntless girl over there checking you out." he says pointing with his head, while walking.

i look at the direction he pointed. sure enough, their is a dauntless born looking at me, with a smug look on her face. she winks at me.

she looks familliar. right. she was an initiate last year. i don't look back. i just shake my head and keep walking. i already have the burning of dissapointed, and anger at the back of my neck. oh well.

Lauren is quiet. i guess she isn't over, that-which-happened-9 weeks-ago yet.

"I don't like the stiff." i say just for Lauren's sake.

"yeah. right. so you weren't just talking to her for no reason the other day." Lauren says looking at the ground. she looks jealous.

"i was drunk" i point out.

"so tell us. do you regret talking to her 'drunk'" shauna says, saying drunk sarcastically.

i think for a minute.

do i?

inside i know the answer. _no i don't. no i don't regret hearing her voice, talking directly at me. i don't regret her smiling at me. i don't regret making her smile. i don't regret whispering in her ear about how she looked._

i don't want to admit it though.

i must have taken to long to answer, because Lauren stomps away, angrily.

"well?" shauna presses.

i know Shauna liked me too. she just never tried to kiss me. and she didn't really _like_ me. she just liked how i looked. a complete difference. plus, she likes Zeke. but she probably forgot her confession.

i sigh.

"no. i don't regret talking to her." i say biting my bottom lip.

Zeke chuckles.

We are near the training room now.

i hear muffled voices. their not clear though. their is one voice that catches my ear.

Tris.

"do you guys hear something?"i say motioning toward the training room door.

Zeke and Shauna stop, trying to hear stuff.

"is that a gun?" Shauna says.

"no. guns are much louder." Zeke points out.

"lets go in." i say, opening the door. we see Marlene, Lynn, Uriah, and Tris. Marlene with a muffin. Uriah with a pellet shooter.

"I thought I heard something in here," I say.

"Turns out it's my idiot brother," says Zeke. "You're not supposed to be in here after hours. Careful, or Four will tell Eric, and then you'll be as good as scalped.

Uriah scrunches his nose.

i wonder what it would be like to have a brother or sister. i thought i was going to have one. but my mother faked her death. how does a person do that? pretend to be pregnant. then die.

i'm sure she would have found a way. She was, after all, Erudite.

i step away from the door so everyone can leave.

"You wouldn't tell Eric," Lynn says glaring at me. the look in her eyes says " you'll be dead before you even say a word to him." i don't know why she would assume i would tell Eric about this. it's not like we're buddies who talk all the time.

"No, I wouldn't," i say.

everyone walks out of the room. Tris is last. i put my hand on her back to usher her out, but really, i just want that electric feeling i get when i touch her.

i don't want her to see me as he instructor, four. i want her to see me as Tobias. a selfless, abnegation transfer, like her who wants to confide in her. i want to reassure her, that i will protect her.

"Wait a second,You belong here, you know that?" I blurt out. "You belong with m-us. It'll be over soon, so just hold on, okay?"

i was about to say _you belong with me_. i mentally slap my self, and put my hand on my neck, a little embarrassed with my words, and my inability to talk to her.

she makes me do things i never did before.

i want her to see bravery from another point. the point of honor in courage, in standing up for one another, selflessly brave.

I want her to be blind to the so call "bravery" in threats, fights, and just plain stupidity. bravery and idiocy. it's completely different.

she's selfless.

and brave.

and smart.

and curious.

and full of surprises.

She reaches out, and holds my hand, i breath steadily. the electric shock i feel with little touches, are nothing compared to this.

she looks down at our fingers. i feel her heartbeat in her hands.

_thump thump thump._three beats per second.

_do i make your heart race a thousand miles per hour, tris?_ i ask her with my mind, even though i know i wont get a direct answer.

she then lets go, and my heart sinks. she runs to go catch up to her freinds.

i am aware suddenly, that their is a camera on the wall. i head down to the control room.

i delete the data.

throughout the whole entire day, i still feel tris' hand in mine. does that mean she likes me? does she want me to enclose the space? i don't know.

once i am done deleteing the data, i think about the stage two ranking. Eric posted them up. Tris is first. I smile. and then it slowly falls.

tris is first for transfers.

edward was first. he got a stab in the eye.

peter wants to be first.

but tris is now in his way.

uh oh.

I hear a scream. I hear _her_ scream. anger overtakes my body. the sound is echoed. only one place can make that big of an echo. the chasm. _the _chasm.

I run.

i stare at them, running quickly. their are three of them.

Peter

Drew

and Al.

Al? Al was supposed to be her friend. now, he is a traitor.

And a coward. He runs away when he sees me.

I run toward her. Peter has her by her throat. if he lets go, i'll make his life end, not 3 seconds later.

"Hey!" i shout.

Peter lets go.

my eyes grow wide, and my breath escapes me. but she is ok. she is holding onto the railng. she groans. they won't get away with this. peter runs away quickly, after letting go. but drew isn't as quick. i grab him by his collar. i punch him hard. his eyes, 5 times. his nose 8 times, his jaw, 17 times, and i don't care. he screams. i put my foot on his throat and he gags. He lays their unconscious.

Tris is holding on.

"Four?" she says, barely a whisper. it is shaky. she's cold. she looks weak. she most likey is. but she is determined none the less. i haul her up, wrapping my hand around her arm.

I carry her, with one hand under her knees the other on her back. her breathes become steady. she is out cold.

i feel her cold brethe near my neck the whole time walking back. i can't take her back to the infirmary.

well, i can, and i should. but iwon't because then i won't be able to stay with her. she has bruises on her. the infirmary won't help much. and she needs some advise.

so i take her back to my apartment.

I lay her down on my bed. i cover the blanket over her, and a few minutes later, she seems to stop shivering.

i sit on the bed, next to her, with my hand on her shoulder, which is covered by the blanket.i look at a bruise on her other arm. it is then that i notice, that my chin, and lips are a few inches from her neck. I go closer, and breathe in her scent.

_what am i doing?_

i sigh into her neck before getting up.

peter's life will be a living hell.

Al will breakdown when Tris tells Will and Christina what happens, and they completely leave him, to fend on his own, with no friends.

And drew. a few punches, and bruises aren't enough. but i can't leave him there.

i sigh, as i lock my door, and leave tris on my bed, as i go to have drew in the infirmary.

Drew won't tell anyone what i because he would have to tell them that he tried to kill tris. and the other part being he knows i would kill him if he did.

when i come back tris is still on my bed, sleeping. well. out cold, but that's not my fault.

i inspect her bruises. i wipe antiseptic wipes on them, so she doesn't get any diseases.

i then go to my sink, and clean my cuts. my knuckles are bloody, with either mine, or drew blood. i smile viciously at the thought. it isn't right to be happy with hurting someone. but that someone tried to kill someone who i was working much to hard to protect, and i don't care.

i look at another cut. it's on my lip. it's not bad though. it'll heal in 2 or three days, tops.

i go to the freezer, and get an ice pack out.

thats when i see tris, her eyes are open. they are a little sluggish. it couldn't have been less then 5 minutes ago that she arose.

"Your hands," she says. or more like croaks... peter must have choked her hard.

"My hands are none of your concern," I tell her.

i put the ice pack on her head. i am about to retreat, when she reaches her hand out, and i stay. her hand stays in the air between us for a second, before she touches the bruise on my lip.

I don't want her to worry about me. she is the one with the bruises, headache, and pain. my knuckles, and small mouth bruise are nothing compared to her.

"Tris,I'm alright." i say, my lip slightly brushing her fingers.

her hands drop as she asks,"Why were you there?"

"I was coming back from the control room.I heard a scream." i tell her.

"What did you do to them?"

"I deposited Drew at the infirmary a half hour ago. Peter and Al ran. Drew claimed they were just trying to scare you. At least, I think that's what he was trying to say." i tell her, remembering drew blabbering around about something, but just couldn't say his sentence clearly.

"He's in bad shape?"

"He'll live," I say._i wasn't sure if you would though_ i think. "In what condition, I can't say."

i think of Drew living his sick life in a wheel chair. i hope he does. but i know i didn't hurt him that bad.

"Good," she says, squeezing my arm. it hurts. but i don't mind.

She starts to cry a little. i sit beside her.

i take my arm from her grip, and put it over her shoulders.

I put my other hand on her cheek. she leans into it. her here, in my arms, with me. it feel so...right. I move my finger over her cheekbones. back and forth.

"I could report this," I say. I know she won't accept. I remember what Uriah said.

_"She's dauntless, in and out"_

"No.I don't want them to think I'm scared." she says, a strange look on her face.

I nod. "I figured you would say that."

"You think it would be a bad idea if I sat up?"

_a very bad idea. but of course, that won't stop you._

"I'll help you." i say.

I help her up, each touch, a sense of an electric touch, but a good electric shock...if that was even possible.

she scrunches her nose a bit, and flinches. she's in pain.

"You can let yourself be in pain, it's just me here," i say reassuringly "I suggest you rely on your transfer friends to protect you from now on."

"I thought I was," she chokes "but Al…"

"He wanted you to be the small, quiet girl from Abnegation,He hurt you because your strength made him feel weak. No other reason."i say.

I remember Al, saying that her bravery made him feel brave too. in this case, it must have broke him, into weakness.

she nods, understanding a little.

"The others won't be as jealous if you show some vulnerability. Even if it isn't real." i offer her.

she needs advise to stay alive. their is, after all, a jealous peter, an angry, out for revenge drew, and a former friend, and high coward, al who might try again.

"You think I have to _pretend _to be vulnerable?" she asks, a little shocked.

after all that happened. i do. she is determined. stubborn. and brave.

"Yes, I do." I say.

i see her struggling with the ice pack. I hold it up on her head myself. her hand drops on the bed. she's tired.

but she still has to train tomorrow. time for me to be an instructor

"You're going to want to march into breakfast tomorrow and show your attackers they had no effect on you,but you should let that bruise on your cheek show, and keep your head down."

"I don't think I can do that," she says.

"You have to."

"I don't think you _get _ touched me." she says turning a little pink.

i freeze dead in my tracks. i swallow. hard.

Now, their gunna pay.

I wonder if it was Al. He liked her. she rejected him. maybe that's why he came along...

i want to go to the dorms, and murder Al in his sleep.

"Touched you." i say, quietly, and coldly. i notice i am clenching the ice pack to hard. i still don't release the grip on it though.

"Not…in the way you're thinking." she says, most likely sensing my tenseness.

"But…almost." it might not have just been **_almost_** if i wasn't there.

what if i didn't.

what if they dropped her.

what if

what if

what if?

"What is it?" she asks, quietly.

_A whole world of what if's, is what it is._

"I don't want to say this, but I feel like I have to. It is more important for you to be safe than right, for the time being. Understand? But please, when you see an opportunity…" i lift her head up, my hand behind her ears.

"Ruin them."

She stares back, intently for a few seconds.

"You're a little scary, Four." she says laughing a little.

Four? who-oh right. me.

I don't want her to call me that. it doesn't seem right.

"Do me a don't call me that."

"What should I call you, then?"

" ."

"What's the favor you want." she asks quirking an eyebrow.

"Stay here for the night." i tell her firmly. i don't want her to go in the dorms. the same room as her attackers.

She is about to protest. but i put my fingers on her mouth to stop her. i realise how soft her lips are.

_stop that_ i tell my self.

"sleeping in the same room as those three, just to be brave, is stupid. I'll sleep on the floor. you sleep on the bed. i tell her. she looks at me quizzically.

she is about to say something, but i cut her off.

"No. you may not have a say in the matter."i say.

she grunts. i smile a little at her.

I make a place for me to sleep on the floor. tris on my bed.i turn the light off.

i think about everything that happened today. Uriah, Zeke, Shauna, and Lauren, now having a pretty good hunch of my admiration, and close observations on Tris.

Lauren, getting upset all over again.

my small little confession to tris.

our hands. intwined.

i don't go any further. i fall asleep with the thought.

she laced her fingers in mine.

something someone said a few days earlier rings a bell

"She might like you back."

Tori. i think, that she was right, i smile a little before falling asleep.


	7. Chapter 6

I wake up early in the morning. Tris is still asleep. Her eyes closed, her lips a little parted. She looks peaceful. She looks safe.

In reality though, it is just the opposite. I go on the mattress, one knee on the bed, and touch my hand on her forehead. She's not sick. Good.

I decide to shower. The water is cold, but the rest of me is warm, so it doesn't matter. When I come out, tris up. She is observing her bruises through the mirror.

I lift my hands to dry my hair. She looks up at me, her eyes drilling through mine.

"Hi." she says. It's a small word. Her throat still hurts. I don't mention it though.

I touch her bruised cheeks, making sure I do so gently. It is dark blue, but shouldn't take to long to heal.

"Not bad. How's your head?" I ask.

"Fine." she touches the bump, and winces a little. I don't press on this though.

I carefully place my hand to her side, where she got kicked really hard. I remember when I first touched her, the day I told her to use her knees and elbows. Her heart was racing then. It is calm now.

"And your side?" I ask, my voice low.

"Only hurts when I breathe." she says.

I give her a small smile." Not much you can do about that."

"Peter would probably throw a party if I stopped breathing." No, because he would be factionless before he could have the chance. I don't say this though.

"Well. I would only go if their was cake." I joke.

She gives a small laugh, but winces. It must hurt her, but it's good to know I she laughed at something I said. She puts her hand to where mine is, which is still on her side, to steady herself. I slowly pull my hand a way, my fingers grazing her side, gently.

Her eyes are a little tired, and she is weak. I don't want her to go. But she has to. And she knows it too. I nod, and usher her out.

When we are in the dining room, I have to make sure things are casual.

"I'll go in first." I say. "see you soon, Tris." and with that, I go in the dining room. I go to Zeke, Shauna, and Lauren, and sit down next to them.

" were you last night.I went to look for you. You weren't in your apartment. I checked the control room too." Lauren says, chewing her breakfast.

"what time did you look?"I ask. I either went to look for Tris, or I fell asleep, and didn't hear Lauren knock.

"like, forty-five minutes after the initiates fell asleep." Lauren says.

Yup. I was beating the stupidity off Drew at the time.

"Well…their was an accident at the time… I heard someone scream and-"

Tris comes in. she does exactly what I say. She looks down at the floor, and letss her hair expose her bruise. She looks weak. But I know better.

Shauna, Zeke, Lauren all turn to face me.

"What…happened exactly." zeke asks.

Might as well tell them. It's obvious to everyone else already.

I come closer to the middle of the table, and whisper.

"Remember one of my initiates? Edward? You know how peter poked him in the eye with a butter knife, because he was second, and wanted to be first? Well, for stage two, Tris was first. Peter tried to hitch her over the chasm, with the assistance of Drew, and Al." I tell them.

"that clarifies what happened to Tris. Al though? I Thought they were friends." Shauna replies.

"Not anymore, I guess." I state, flatly. Peter stares at tris, maliciously.

"What did YOU do exactly. Peter barely has a scratch." Shauna says.

Right on cue Drew appears. I didn't see the damage I did to well last night- I was focused on tris. Now that I see him, a satisfactory smile spread across my mouth. The damage I could have done would have been much, much worse though.

My friends stare at me wide eyed, mouths open.

"wow. You must have been tris' lovely 'Saver'" Shauna says, laughing.

"Her 'romantic' lover." zeke says, with a weird look on his face.

They all burst out laughing. I chuckle a little too.

Even Lauren smiles a little. A genuine smile, that goes to her eyes.

"So. What 'happened.'" Zeke says wiggling her eyebrows.

"Nothing 'Happened.'" I say. "She went out cold when I found her."

"Then what?" Lauren asks. She seems to be entertained. Good. I don't want my friend to be awkward around me. We were teasing zeke a few months back, just like this. We all laughed, and pressed him for information on his biggest fear. Apparently it was losing a loved one.

I suddenly go cold. Then I put tris in my apartment, on my bed. I'm not gonna say that though.

"I put drew, and tris in the infirmary.' I say.

"Your lying." Lauren says smirking.

"What?" how'd she know?

" you usually say things straightforward. You said that sentence, with a little stutter. Barely noticeable, but still, cacheable.

" Damn your Erudite intelligence." I say annoyingly.

"Well?" All three of them say at the same time.

Gotta change the subject.

"Lauren. Transfers need to know about the fear landscapes today." I say straight forward.

"Stop that." Zeke says.

"Stop what?"

"Changing the subject."

"Look at the time, gotta go." I say, standing up. Zeke Shauna and Lauren are about to tackle me down to make me sit, and talk, but I've already started talking.

"Transfers! Were doing something different today. Follow me." I say.

"We'll choke it out of you later." Shauna says. I roll my eyes. Shauna can't beat me in a fight. I taught her.

But Her with the help of Zeke and Lauren…

I better be on my guard.

I walk the same narrow path I've walked practically a thousand times. The room to the fear landscape.

I've failed to diminish one of them though.

Stupid abusive father.

I see I am going a little too quickly on my pace, so I walk a few steps backwords, to see where the transfers else isn't to far behind. Except Drew who trudges all the way, in the back.

I can't resist.

"Pick up the pace, Drew!" I yell. He gives me a glare.

He should be considered lucky. I'm not usually this merciful.

I shift my eyes to Tris. She seems to be fine along this Narrow path. Her arm is wrapped up to Will. I feel a sting of envy. Her friends can casually help her, and hold her, and talk to her…

_You have to stop thinking like that. A voice in my head says._ It's Amar's voice.

_You can wait until after initiation. The fake amar voice says._ I think it's my conscience.

**But I don't think I can wait that long. I tell my conscience.**

_You can't…but you should at least try._

**I've tried long enough. It's like a magnetic pull. You can't go away from it.**

_I suppose it would be okay…as long as no one else knew._

**Why can't anyone else know?** I ask Amar. Or my Conscience. Whoever this voice is.

_Because Eric tries to hurt anyone you make your friend. Like how he tried to hurt Shauna. Or make Zeke lose his job. Or when he made Lauren go in a closet full of spiders, when he knew she was afraid of them._

**In return, I broke his nose, pulled one of his piercings, and punched him in the face.**

_Yes. But he already suspects she is one of us. He suspects her of divergence. And he's right to. She is. If you show, any amount of admiration for her she might as well be dead._

**Fine. No one else would know about any of this. It's none of their business anyways.**

I stop my conversation with that little voice in my head. Sometimes, all it takes is talking to yourself, to make up your mind, or clear your head.

Despite how weird it is.

"This, Is the a different Simulation known as the fear landscape. It has been disabled for our purposes, so this isn't what it would be like the next time you see it. Through the simulations, we have stored Data of your worst fears. The fear landscape accesses the data and presents you with a series of virtual obstacles. Some of the fears will be fears previously faced in your simulation. Some may be new fears. The difference is that you are aware, in the fear landscape, that it is a simulation, so you will have all your wits about you as you go through it." I say.

I feel like such an erudite.

Erudite

Dauntless.

Their working together.

To start a war against the government.

Abnegation controls the government.

War on abnegation.

How they would force us to fight though, is a question.

They are looking for the divergent.

I am divergent.

So is tris.

And Uriah.

I snap out of this, and continue.

"The number of fears in your landscape varies according to how many you have. I told you before that the third stage of initiation focuses on mental preparation. That is because it requires you to control both your emotions and your body—to combine the physical abilities you learned in stage one with the emotional mastery you learned in stage two. To keep a level head."

My eyes land on Tris, and can't look away. Yup. Definitely a magnetic pull.

"Next week you will go through your fear landscape as quickly as possible in front of a panel of Dauntless leaders. That will be your final test, which determines your ranking for stage three. Just as stage two of initiation is weighted more heavily than stage one, stage three is weighted heaviest of all. Understood?"

They all nod. Even Drew, who cringes when he does. I must have hurt his neck when I put my foot over it.

Fantastic.

"You can get past each obstacle in one of two ways. Either you find a way to calm down enough that the simulation registers a normal, steady heartbeat, or you find a way to face your fear, which can force the simulation to move on. One way to face a fear of drowning is to swim deeper, for example." I say, for Tris. I think she is afraid of drowning in a tank. I might be wrong, but it's the best example I could think of.

"So I suggest that you take the next week to consider your fears and develop strategies to face them." I continue.

"That doesn't sound fair. What if one person only has seven fears and someone else has twenty? That's not their fault." Someone states. Peter

Peter. Worrying about fairness.

This is dauntless nothing is fair.

He should know that. After all, he stabbed a guy out of jealousy.

And Tried to hitch a girl off the chasm., because she was more emotionally stable than him.

He is waiting for my reply.

"Do you really want to talk to me about what's fair?" I say quietly. Not good. I am not a nice guy when I talk quietly. Zeke told me that.

I hadn't had the chance to get back at Peter.

And the best way is to take the most important aspect to him.

His pride.

He cares nothing for courage, or true bravery.

He cares about dignity. His dignity. He tries to take others to.

Time for a taste of his own medicine

I walk toward him. The transfers move out of the way.

"I understand why you're worried, Peter. The events of last night certainly proved that you are a miserable coward. So now we all know that you are afraid of a short, skinny girl from Abnegation." I smirk as Peter looks at his feet.

I see Tris give a small smile too.

When I lead the initiates back, I do a mental head count. there are only six transfers.

Im missing one.

Sledgehammer. Guilt must be eating him up alive.

I know Tris won't forgive him for what he has done.

I don't blame her.

Later that day.

I have a cold feeling in my chest. It's the feeling a person gets when they know something bad is about to happen. I feel it in my knees now.

The coldness and weird, feeling I had in my knees are gone. Something bad must have already happened.

I hear a cry, and a few mutters. The chasm.

I rush over their. Was it Tris? Did they try again? My heart thuds twenty times per second. But when I get their, I see Tris running away. Tears in her eyes. I want to comfort her. But sympathy is the last thing she wants. It always is.

It's one of the things I love about her.

But what made her cry? I don't want to see her hurt. Ever. I hear a few mutters.

When I get their, someone is stuffing a body in a bag, near the chasm.

The body is to big for the bag.

Al the sledgehammer, has jumped off the Chasm.

I don't know what to think about that.

I don't stay down at the so called "funeral."

More like an excuse to get wasted, throw up, and get someone else in your room.

A person died. They should be respectfully appreciated. But the dauntless respect others by drinking, and drinking, and drinking.

I vowed never to do that.

Instead, I just go to the training room. I breathe in the scent. The smell of power. I grab a gun, and start shooting at the targets. It helps to clear my mind. I also spend a good deal of my time throwing knives.

The other dauntless have already started drinking. But one figure marches up. I follow it.

I've always been curious. It's not a bad thing.

Although im probably more abnegation then anything, I am smart. I am brave. I am honest (unless it's asking about my personal life.)

Kindness. It could use some work. It's not easy for me though. I have to try.

Ironically, it's easier to jump on and off a train for me, instead of talking, and smiling with others.

Socializing. It rhymes with dieing, once you think about it.

I follow the figure, all the way to the drinking fountain. It is Tris. She is upset.

**_Of course she's upset you idiot. Her friend /attacker committed suicide, and it's probably because he felt guilty, because Tris didn't forgive him._**

"Tris." I say. She flinches, startle. I frown a little. Is she afraid of me? She didn't cringe when I climbed the Ferris wheel with her. Or when I helped save her. I feel something inside me sink when she flinches, in that small moment. I normally wouldn't notice small movements like these.

But this is Tris. I am not Four when I am near her.

I'm not Tobias either. Yet. I want to show her my fear landscape. But I don't know how I would ask her.

"What are You doing here? Shouldn't you be paying your respects?" she says venomously.

I can't tell her why I don't like dauntless funerals. So I do what I'm best at. Changing the subject, and turning it around.

I take a step closer to her. I feel the energy of being closer. It's awakening. And her bright eyes can mesmerize a person.

"Shouldn't you?" I say.

Her eyes. They look so curious. So unique. They are a plain color, a mix of light blue, and grey-They aren't one or the other. They are alive, with energy, it's refreshing, and can snap anyone out of their gaze. Yet they are a dreamy look, that can make you lost. They are like the lake. The ocean and the sky- on one special person.

I'm sure someone else has acknowledged how her eyes are a beautiful part of her. She has small arms, and legs-even though she has gained some muscle. But they are perfect on her. She is small-but I know better than to underestimate the girl who climbs Ferris wheels just to win a game.

I am still staring at her eyes.

I mentally thwack my head. _Stop that. Creep._

**Who are you calling creep? You're the voice in my head that constantly bosses me around.**

_…well said, but you are replying._

**Because your annoying.**

_Stop talking to yourself four._

**IM TRYING! SHUT UP!**

"Can't pay respects when you don't have any." she must have realized how shallow that sounded. She shakes her head.

"I didn't mean that." she says.

_Oh really. Then how come your scowling, and still have a mad look on your face?_

"Ah" I say with a touch of sarcasm.

I give her a look, that says "Don't play with me. Just spit it out."

And she does. I have a bad habit of listening out when people let their anger out in front of me. My eyes drift down from her eyes, to her lips.

"This is ridiculous." she says.

_It is. It really is. I shouldn't be looking at your lips, and wondering how they would fit with mine. She doesn't seem to be talking about that though. __**What's more ridiculous than me wanting to kiss you?**__ She continues talking._

"He throws himself of a ledge, and Eric's calling him brave? Eric, that tried to make you throw knives at Al's head?"

I twinge at the memory of that incident. I wish it never happened. But it did erase any suspicions Eric had about me and Tris.

"He wasn't brave!" she continues ranting.

"He was depressed and a coward."

_No arguments their._

"And he almost killed me!"

_ if that happened, he would have died because i murdered him, not because of suicide. _

"Is that the kind of thing we respect here?"

_People are getting drunk, and throwing up as a funeral. They don't respect much._

"What do you want them to do?" I say, trying to put some sense into her. "Condemn him? Al's already dead. He can't hear it and it's too late."

"It's not about Al," she says angrily.

Why is she mad at me?

"It's about everyone watching! Everyone who now sees hurling themselves into the chasm as a viable option."

She makes a fair point.

"I mean, why not do it if everyone calls you a hero afterward?"

_Because, deep inside, they know it's wrong, and cowardly._

"Why not do it if everyone will remember your name? It's…I can't…"

I have a feeling she is about to say something dangerous.

I'm right.

"This would never have happened in Abnegation!"

uh oh.

"None of it! Never. This place warped him and ruined him,"

_Yes, but are you really mad at him?_

"and I don't care if saying that makes me a Stiff, I don't care, I don't care!"

_But you should._

There is a camera nearby. On a wall. I'll have to delete that footage.

"Careful, Tris," I say, my voice low. She needs to learn to be aware of the dangers that could happen if anyone hears what she tells me.

"Is that all you can say!" she says, stomping her foot."That I should be careful? That's it?"

"You're as bad as the Candor, you know that?" I say angrily at her. She will put both of us in danger. She needs to know of the seriousness there is to being a divergent in the dauntless compound.

I am thankful, that I am the only one who works in the control room, although It was a little boring to be alone on some occasions.

She has to be careful on what she says though. Anyone could have heard her. And she would get hurt. She would be reprehended for faction before blood.

I decide to take her to a place where no one would ever think to look .A place with no cameras, and no people, who could interrupt us.

I put my hand on her arm, and drag her out. She tries to slip away, but what I have to say is too important. I squeeze her arm, possibly a little too hard, making her feet follow mine.

I stop, and turn around, a little too unexpected for tris. When I turn around, her face is closer to mine than intended. I want her to look me in the eye. She has to listen carefully to what I have to say. I put my hand on her shoulder and grip tightly to it.

"I'm not going to say this again, so listen carefully. They are watching you. YOU in particular." I say my voice low.

"Let go of me." she says weakly, like I took all the energy out of her. I didn't realize I might have hurt her. My hands spring apart.

I don't want to be the one to make her feel weak. Ever.

She looks at me. Her eyes searching mine.

And, then she ever so quietly, and slowly whispers, "Are they watching you too?"

Her eyes on mine. I feel as if she can see straight through me, like a clear plastic bag. I feel a lump in my throat. I don't want to lie. I change the subject.

"I keep trying to help you," I whisper as calmly as I can, "but you refuse to be helped." I say accusingly.

"Oh, right. Your help," she says rolling her eyes at the word.

"Stabbing my ear with a knife and taunting me and yelling at me more than you yell at anyone else, it sure is helpful."

I stare at her shocked, and dumbfounded. Does she think I'm a shallow dauntless, like Eric? I remember how she said that I was sadistic. I am not. I am not. I am not. I care about her more than anything

She intrigues me. She eludes me. She

makes me alive with energy. I love the feeling I get when I see her so strong. I hate the feeling I get when someone makes her feel weak. I especially hate it when that someone is me.

"Taunting you? You mean when I threw the knives? I wasn't taunting you," I retort.. "I was reminding you that if you failed, someone else would have to take your place."

She stares at me. And I don't feel alive with energy anymore. She gives me such a look, I can't gaze away from.

She breaks the silence. And asks me something.

"why?"

"Because you're from Abnegation, and it's when you're acting selflessly that you are at your bravest." I say honestly.

I am opening up to her again. But unlike the day I first met her, when I yelled at her for being curious, I don't care if she knows about me. I like the feeling of someone else knowing my life. Someone who might understand.

But still. She must understand faction before blood. I know it would be hard for her. I know I don't understand anything about a normal 'family' and any of that. But still.

"If I were you, I would do a better job of pretending that selfless impulse is going away, because if the wrong people discover it…well, it won't be good for you." For both of us.

"Why?" she says, a reverent whisper "Why do they care about my intentions?"

"Intentions are the only thing they care about. They try to make you think they care about what you do, but they don't. They don't want you to act a certain way. They want you to think a certain way. So you're easy to understand. So you won't pose a threat to them."

I just told her about half the things I know about the leaders.

I lean to the wall. She just stares at me.

"I don't understand why they care what I think, as long as I'm acting how they want me to."

"You're acting how they want you to now, but what happens when your Abnegation-wired brain tells you to do something else, something they don't want?"

She thinks like the abnegation most of the time. I still wonder why she left. I know it's nothing personal, like me. Her simulations tells me that she cares about her family.

"I might not need you to help me. Ever think about that? I'm not weak, you know. I can do this on my own." She points out.

It's true. She might not need me to help her. But is that really what I'm doing? Am I really protecting her? In a way, yes. But that is not the main thing I intend to do. I let words fall out, without even thinking them. I let all the things I kept in my mind go. It feels nice to do so. it makes my head clear of all the fog. I never realised how tense i was with all my thoughts inside my head, until i let it go.

"You think my first instinct is to protect you. Because you're small, or a girl, or a Stiff. But you're wrong I wrap my finger around her chin, and lift it up , so her forehead means mine. So are lips, are less than two inches apart.

"My first instinct is to push you until you break, just to see how hard I have to press" I say. I look at her lips. I want to enclose those two only I knew she wanted to too.

She gulps.

"Why?" she asks, quietly."Why is that your first instinct."

Once again, I tell her what I've been thinking all this time about her, but I am careful not to spill the fact that I want her. I keep the fact that I want her in my arms, safe, and with me.

"Fear doesn't shut you down; it wakes you up. I've seen it. It's fascinating." I let go of her chin, but I can't help but graze me fingertips along her jaw, and neck. I never thought I would think this…but I want to kiss her. I sigh a little, thinking that she might never see me that way.

"Sometimes I just…want to see it again. Want to see you awake." I finish sighing a little.

She stares at me. In awe. I stare at her with admiration.

I like her curiosity, even though it would infuriate me before.

I like her strength

Her cleverness.

Her selflessness.

Her braveness.

I must say, I also love it when she surprises me.

She wraps her hands around my back.

She might feel the same way. I tell myself.

I like this feeling. Whatever it is. I like telling her things I would never even tell my friends.

I like the feeling I get when she touches me.

But there is still a small space between us that I don't like.

I put my arm around her back, my hand on her spine, and press her closer to me. She stumbles a little, her head hitting my collarbone. We are so much closer than two inches. I must say, I like it.

"Should I be crying? Is there something wrong with me?" she asks, voice muffled by my shirt.

"You think I know anything about tears?" I reply softly.

True. Never ever cried. Not even when Marcus tormented me. Zeke, Shauna, and Lauren all called me a robot when I told them I never spilled a tear.

I want to comfort Tris. I don't know how. I don't feel sympathetic. I myself always hated it when people pity me. I know she would feel the same.

"If I had forgiven him, do you think he would be alive now?" She asks, eyes closed.

"I don't know." I say. I think Al would have had more than one reason to leave this world. More reasons, than any dauntless knows.

I put my hand on her cheek. She presses into it. My heartbeat accelerates, oh I don't know…up to 90 beats per second?

"I feel like it's my fault." She says weakly.

It isn't. I think that people who do bad things, have bad things happen to them in return. Karma. Al must have done a dozen other things. He felt regret, regret, and more regret. I don't blame Tris' for not forgiving Al: I Don't. it's just that, I feel a little regret for not forgiving Evelyn. I regret not forgiving. Things are easier Forgiven, than knowing that there is someone out their feeling sorrow because they did something that they think can't be taken back because of you.

I think it was a collection of things Al did. He didn't want to live anymore. He couldn't cope with fear. He just couldn't cope with life.

"It isn't your fault." I say. I put my forehead to hers.

"But I should have. I should have forgiven him." She says. I can feel her cold, yet warm breath on my lips.

"Maybe. Maybe there's more we all could have done, but we just have to let the guilt remind us to do better next time." I say.

She pulls back, just a little bit, but my chest aches for her to be closer again. She has a confused look on her face.

"What faction did you come from, Four?" She asks.

I only just realize, that what I said, was something the abnegation say. Scratch that- It was something, Andrew Prior-which just happens to be her father- used to say.

"It doesn't matter. This is where I am now. Something you would do well to remember for yourself." I remind her, covering up my mistake.

I know what I want to do. I'm just not sure if I should do it. So I stand there looking at Tris for a moment.

_I could complicate things._

_I am supposed to be an instructor._

_Eric would try to hurt her._

**_I could risk so much if I somewhat care for her._**

But I can't hold back for long.

So I relax, and put my lips to her forehead.

Neither of us says anything for a long time. But this time, the silence is comforting.

I have to do it soon. I need Tris to know who I really am.

Because it is like a magnetic pull:

The facts can't stay away from her for long.

I have everything set.

System set to my worst fears.

Two needles containing the fear landscape simulations.

One for me. One for Tris.

I'm not sure what to expect, after Tris puts the pieces together. She will be curious on what my aptitude results were: I'm not going to lie about them if she asks. I will, however, avoid the question as much as possible.

Now. I don't want to ask her, personally. It's to abrupt.

"Hey Tris. Wanna join me to venture through my worst fears? You get to find out why I have my nickname, and what my real name is. Even what faction I came from."

I don't know why I am trusting her with so much information. I guess, it's because I trust her not to tell a soul.

It's stupid really. I've known her for a few eeks, and I am about to tell her my deepest thoughts, and my past. I've never even trusted shauna, zeke, or lauren with this information. They always asked if they could go through it-I even got money offers from Zeke. At one point, they all started constantly saying 'please'

I got mad, so I was serious when I threatened to beat them up so bad, that they would be in the infirmary for weeks.

They never asked me again.

And here I am, about to show an initiate, who I started to admire(by admire, I mean constantly watch, and like.) my fear landscape, just so she can piece up the puzzle, and find out the truth about me. And maybe, just maybe she would understand me. She would like me. She would want me, as much as I want her.

I am lovesick. Never thought that would happen. Never thought I would you the words "I" and "lovesick ."in the same sentence. Ever.

But that was before she came into my life.

I changed a lot of things for her. I decided to live factionless after this year of initiates are done.

She came and changed that.

I didn't want to be with anyone.

She changed that.

I never wanted to tell anyone anything about me or my past.

She changed that.

I never wanted anyone to see my fear landscape.

She changed that.

One girl. Beatrice Prior, Changed so many aspects of my life. And I barely know her. And she barely knows me.

And I want to change that.

I know she is curious. I can use that to help me. I see her talking to Will and Christina. Tris is a little wet. They where near the chasm.

I wait a few seconds.

Come one Tris. Look up.

She looks up just a little bit. I start to walk. I know her curiosity will get the best of her. I know she is curious on why I am here. I know she wants to know.

I just hope she follows me. I know she will though. I would be shocked if she didn't. I slow my pace a little, to hear what she is saying.

"Are you sure you should be running around here alone at night." Christna says. Damn it. I hope she doesn't make Tris not follow me.

"I wont be alone. I'll be with four." Tris replies. Good. I know she'll follow.

I start walking, slowly, but swiftly. I hear small footsteps, barely audible. She would be a good eavesdropper.

I hear her panting a little. This is it.

I hold the box and needle, and start talking.

"Since you're here, you might as well go in with me." I say, monotone.

She comes closer. "Into your fear landscape?" She asks, shocked.

I am too. Never thought I would bring another person to see my fears. I was afraid they would use it against me. I know she knows about my fear of heights. It's a dumb fear, I know, but she doesn't seem to care about that.

"I can do that?" She says in awe.

"The serum connects you to the program," I say. "But the program determines who's landscape you go through. And right now, its set to put us through mine."

"You would let me see that?" She asks, shocked.

What other reason to I have for having two syringes?

"Why else do you think I'm going in?" I ask her quietly. "There are some things I want to show you." things I don't trust telling my own friends.

I inject her first. I hope to brush the hair of her neck myself, but she tilts her head to expose her neck herself.

I see the crows. Three crows on her collarbone. They make a path to her heart.

When I am done, I offer it to her.

"I've never done this before." she says.

"Right here." I say pointing at the side of my neck. She goes on her tiptoes, I feel her breathe on my neck as she pushes the plunger down. I smile a little. I don't make the effort of looking away from her eyes. They are concentrated.

I put the plungers in the box.

I offer her my hand, and I hope she takes it. I want the feeling of her touch in my hand. It's like adrenaline. Except more effective.

She slides her hand in. slowly, and unsure of herself. Still a little abnegation in her.

I open the door with my other hand, and walk in. Tris holds my hand firmly now.

I might as well give her an overview of what she should try to find out. "See if you can figure out why they call me four." I tell her.

"What's your real name?" she asks, coming closer.

"See if you can figure that out too." I tell her.

And the simulation starts.

To me, it means I opened the door to hell.

I walk willingly inside.

First off: Heights.

Tris looks around. Pleasure in her eyes. She likes heights. I realized that along time ago, when she was first to jump off the building, and when she climbed the Ferris wheel.

She seems to like the feeling. But I don't I wrap my arm around her. To steady myself. My knees week.

"We have to jump off right?" She asks.

I nod. I know we have to. But I don't want to.

"On three, okay?"

Another nod.

Suck it up four. I tell myself.

She counts to three, and pulls me with her.

I don't like going through my fear landscape. I just need to go through one of my fears. But sadly, that one fear, is always the last.

We fall to the ground with a thud.

"What's next?" she asks. It's almost like she's anxious.

"It's-" but I am cut off. A wall hit's my spine. One hit's Tris to, pushing her into me.

I always liked it when she touches me. It's like being struck by lightening, but in a good, yet crazy way. But now, I am busy focusing on two things.

One: Lack of oxygen.

Two: hoping the walls don't crush into us.

"Confinement." she says matter-of-factly.

I growl hitches from the small of my throat. I wouldn't have this fear if not for Marcus.

Marcus. Two of my fears are because of him.

"Hey it's okay. Here."

She Let's my arms go around her, giving us both a little more comfort.

I don't really focus on the fear for a moment. I crave her touch, and the electric shock, that is comforting with energy. I put my hands on her back, and put my face next to hers.

My excuse: Theirs barely any room.

Barely any room.

Why did I have to think of those words when I was just about to forget them.

"This Is the first time im happy im small." Tris says, with a small shaky laugh. Trying to calm me down probably.

Then I feel how close we are. Hoow nice the electricity between us is. It's as if we connect, when we touch. I feel lost all of a sudden, and I feel nervous, not because of the box, but because of her.

"Mmhmm." I say as I take in her scent. Her scent of bravery. I never thought of what she smells like. I just know she smells brave. This scent makes me forget about the box.

"We can't break out of here. It's easier to face the fear head on. Right? Make it worse, so it gets better."

"Yes." I say. It comes out tightly.

"We'll have to crouch then. Ready?"

"She pushes me down squeezing my waist. The ceiling pushes in too. She crouches, so we both fit in. The ceiling creaks some more.

"Ah. This is worse. This is definitely-"

"Shh. Arms around me."

I always wanted her to say those words. So I do just that, maybe a little too eagerly, but who cares? Theirs a ceiling about to cave in on me. My heartbeat lowers, just a tad bit, but not enough to go to the next fear.

"The simulation measures your fear response. So if you can calm your heartbeat down, it will move on to the next one. Remember? So try to forget that we're here."

I realize that advise. Same thing I told the initiates. Of course, though it is easier said, than done.

"Yeah." I say. I feel my lips brush her ear. "That easy, huh?"

"You know most boys would enjoy being trapped in a close quarters with a girl." I feel the small sarcasm in her voice.

I want to get out of here. All those times Marcus trapped me in a closet, all those memories, come flooding back to me.

"Not claustrophobic people Tris!" I want to get on with this. Out of all my fears. This is the one that takes the longest to go through.

"Okay, Okay." she says. She takes my hand and puts it above her heart. I feel the thuds of her heart.

"Feel my heartbeat. Can you feel it?"

"Yes."

" Feel how steady it is?"

"It's fast." Faster then my own.

"Yes. Well. That has nothing to do with the box." She says.

What else could it be besides the box?

Could it be me? Is she afraid of me? No. she's not scared of me. Or else she wouldn't have come in with me.

She's not scared: She's nervous. The same type of nervous I get when I am around her.

Yes! I know she wants me! For sure now.

I am about to say something about that, but I suddenly remember: We are in a box.

"Everytime you feel me breathe you breathe. Focus on that." she says.

Can I really focus on that now that I know you want me as much as I want you. Come to think of it, I'm enjoying the box I little now.

A little. Not a lot. At the moment, I hate the box more than I like it.

"Okay." I say.

" Why don't you tell me where this fear comes from. Maybe talking about it will help us… somehow." She says.

"Umm…" I try to think of what to say that won't give away my identity yet. She's right though….talking, or thinking about the fear helps calm you down.

"Okay." I breathe when she does.

"This one is from my Fantastic childhood. Childhood punishments. The tiny closet upstairs." I finish.

"My mother kept out winter coats in our closet." She says.

That's the same closet I would be trapped in.

I remember one time, Marcus put all the clothes, along with me, inside that one small closet.

"I don't…" I take a deep breathe, but it comes out as a gasp." I Don't really want to talk about it anymore."

"Okay…Then I can talk. Ask me something." She says.

The question I want to ask is simple- Do I make you nervous because you like me. Do I make you have a wanting for me? But I can't ask her that yet. We are in a box after all…not the right setting.

"Okay." I laugh in her ear, gently. She shivers, a small, timid, shiver.

"Why is your heart racing tris?" That, is a perfect question to ask.

"Well, I-I." she stutters. I squeeze her a little. I must say the feeling of her in my arms, feels nice. It's like I have been empty this whole time, but then I found her, and I realize, then, and only then, how empty I was. I feel complete now. I don't feel like a hollow, strict, emotionless, shell.

"Well, I barely know you. I barely know you four, and I'm crammed up against you in a box, four, what do you think?"

I think you are enjoying this. Just a small bit. But still.

"If we were in your fear landscape. Would I be in it?" I ask. I doubt she would let me see that. But maybe she would.

"I'm not afraid of you." She says.

I know that.

"Of course not. But that's not what I meant.

I laugh a little, and the walls break apart. Walls apart? Oh yeah. We were in a box. Oh well. Not anymore.

I sigh. I have to let go of her now. I don't want to though. My fingers brush against her arms, just before letting go.

She straightens herself. Her cheeks are a little red. Her hands shaking with relief.

"Maybe you were cut out for candor. Because you're a terrible liar." I say grinning.

"I think my aptitude test ruled that one out pretty well." She says.

I frown. "The aptitude test tells you nothing."

She narrows her eyes. " What are you trying to tell me? You're test isn't the reason you ended up in dauntless?" she asks.

She now knows that I was trapped in a closet for punishments. Does she think I would want to stay in a place like that?

"Not exactly, no-I" but then I see her. The woman that is pointing a gun at us. Plain. Plainer than Tris. Though tris isn't plain anymore-she is striking now.

This woman is plainer than the abnegation- which is saying something. If we walked away now, she would never come up in mind again. But no…she will comet o mind. Because I have to kill her.

"You have to kill her." Tris says gently.

"Every single time."

"She isn't real." Tris points out.- true. Nothing plain like that would ever exist.

"She looks real-it feel real." I say

"If she were real she would have killed you already."

Then I notice something- The gun isn't pointed at me. The gun the woman holds is aimed at Tris.

She would shoot tris. She will shoot tris. I feel my heartbeat accelerate. I don't want anyone to hurt her- I proved that when I beat drew to pulp.

I don't want Tris to worry about that. She doesn't even notice the gun pointed at her.

"It's okay." I say as calmly as I can. Usually this wasn't a calm fear. I would stay here for minutes, sometime hours, not shooting this woman. But that was different.

She wasn't aiming for Tris.

"I'll just do it…this one…

"This one's not so…so bad"-anymore.

I feel horror as I click a bullet in place in the chamber. I have to kill her, or she will shoot Tris. But still. She will die. And it will be my doing.

Then I do it. I shoot. Her head whips back, and blood fall. I drop the gun with a thud. At the same time, she falls to the floor. I stare.

You did that four. You killed her.

But she was going to kill Tris.

Tris.

"C'mon. Let's Go. keep moving." She says. With another tug, I follow her.

Last fear.

Worst fear.

"Here we go." I say.

And out comes a Marcus. Black pits instead of eyes. Gray slacks.

My "father."

"Marcus." Tris says, shocked.

"Here's the part. Where. You. Figure. out. My. Name." I say, shaking, just a little.

"Is he?" Tris says.

Marcus comes forward.

I take a steep back.

"Tobias." I here tris whisper. She figured it out.

I want her to say it again. I do. But I want Marcus gone first.

Marcus swings his arm back, and as he does, I shield my face and neck with my arms, waiting for the strike.

But no. It doesn't come. Instead I hear marcus yell, I open my eyes, and see Tris. Marcus.

He is about to hurt her.

I go in front of her, anger filling my eyes. I f anyone hurts her, I will kill them, without a second thought.

I don't know when I made that promise, but it's their. Forever concealed within me.

Then everything fades. We are back in the fear landscape room. Cement floor. Brick walls.

"That's it? Those are your worst fears? Why do you only have four…" Her voice trails as she pieces it up.

"Oh. that's why they call you-"

I cut her off.

I tug her toward me. I am shocked she would do that.

I don't know which one she proved more of-

Selflessness.

Bravery.

Or cleverness.

I breathe against her neck, her collarbone. My lips brush against her cheek. I need this. I want her. no- NEED her.

She accepts this. She puts her hand around my neck and sighs.

"Hey. We got though it." She says, gently into my ear.

I pull back. I put my hand into her hair, and play with a lock of her hair, before settling it behind her ear.

"You got me through it." I correct.

"Well. It's easy to be brave when their not my fears." She says.

She nervously wipes her hand on her jeans.

Nervously.

I make her nervous.

She makes me have a nervous wanting.

She also feels the same way. I think.

"Come on. I have something else to show you."

And with that, I do something else that I never normally do…

I take her hand, and walk her to my thinking place, near the chasm.

Tris experiments with my hand. One second, she holds my hand tightly, the next, she is not holding tight enough.

Abnegation.

She breaks the silence.

"So…four fears."

"Four fears then, four fears now. They havent changed, so I keep going in their…still no progress."

"You can't be fearless you know. Because you still care about things. About your life." she says.

My goal isn't to be fearless- It's to lose one fear.

"I know." I say anyways.

We enter the chasm. The hidden rocks. No one ever found this place- I did when I came her a few weeks after initiation. On accident too. I was just near the pit, when I noticed a rock fall. I looked around it, and noticed this place.

Again, tris breaks the silence.

"You were going to tell me about your aptitude test results." she says.

"Ah." I scratch the back of my neck. "Does it matter?" I ask.

I'll tell her the truth- but I won't tell her what she wants to know, which is if I am divergent.

"Yes. I want to know." she says scowling.

"How demanding you are." I say smirking. It's endearing. It's something admirable.

I lean against a flat rock, and let go of her hand.

"These are things I don't tell people you know. Not even my friends." I tell her. I hope she gets what I tried to tell her- that I don't think of her as just a friend.

She just clenches her hands together, eager for my answer.

"My results where as expected- Abnegation."

"Oh." she says. I feel a pange of guilt. But it's true- I got abnegation. But I knew I was divergent. Most of the divergent get two results- some have a fluke result, and only get one- like mine and Uriah's.

"But you chose dauntless anyways?" she asks.

"Out of necessity. " I remind her.

"Why did you have to leave?" She asks.

I look at the air above me. Why did I leave? Was Marcus the only factor? No. I knew I could belong in the dauntless- I was rather rude for abnegation- I didn't become the sarcastic, rude, always-snapping-at-people, four in two years. It was always in me.

But yeah. Marcus was the major factor in my leaving.

"You had to get away from your dad. Is that why you don't want to be a dauntless leader? Because if you were, you might have to see him again?"

I stand a little straighter, one shoulder still leaning agains the rock.

"That, and I've always thought I don't quite belong with the dauntless. Not the way they are now anyways."

The tough, brutal, adrenaline junkies. I used to pretend to be like them. Zip-lining with the dauntless-Borns. Doing stupid dares. Always looking for a hit. Trying to belong. It never came naturally. Then I stopped. I realized how stupid it was. It wasn't bravery. It was stupidity.

Stupidity is the virtue the dauntless believe now. Not courage.

"But your- Incredible." My ears turn up at that. Incredible am I? How so? I left abnegation to dauntless, out of fear- that is cowardice. That is why I was planning on leaving dauntless, for the factionless. Of course, not with Evelyn- a lone factionless. I agree with them- the faction are separating from their original virtues.

"I mean by dauntless standards- four fears is unheard of-how could you not belong here?" she asks surprised on why I would think so.

I shrug. I just don't. I'm not like Eric, the gloater. I'm honorable.

"I have a theory that selflessness and bravery aren't all that different. All your life you've been training to forget yourself, so when your in danger it is your first instinct. I could belong in abnegation just as easily." I tell her.

Her shoulders slouch. "Yeah well. I left abnegation because I wasn't selfless enough, no matter how hard I tried to be.

I stare at her with shock. Does she really think that?

"That's not entirely true." I tell her smiling. I am about to tell her just what I think about her.

"That girl who let someone throw knives at her to spare a friend- who hit my dad with a belt to protect me- that selfless girl, that's not you?" I ask her, a little amused at her reaction, of shock, and a little bit of realization.

"You've been paying close attention haven't you." she ask frowning a little.

If you call watching over you practically day and night, and you always being in my head, then yes, I have been paying close attention. But that would be an understatement.

"I like to observe people" I tell her. Dammit. I stuttered a bit.

"Maybe you were cut out for candor four, because you are a terrible liar." She says, and I swear, their was a hint of a smile on her lips.

I lean on a rock, so our hand line up. She stares at fingers. When she does, I have to force them not to twitch at her sight.

Their's no point of hiding it anymore, so why try?

"Fine." I say. I lean in. I stare at her nose, her chin and her lips. Like I did on visiting day.

"I watched you because I like you." I say. I feel braver now that it is said and done. "And don't call me 'four' okay? It's nice to hear my name again." it is only nice when she says it. No one else is to call me that but her. It is a small piece of me I gave to her.

She looks shocked. She obviously never noticed me staring at her.

"But your older than I am…Tobias." she says her tongue playing around with my name, trying to see if she likes it.

I know I do.

So what. Two years. I still want this.

"Yes. That whopping two year gap, really is INSURMOUNTABLE isn't it." I tell her smirking.

"Im not trying to be self-deprecating. I just don't get it. I'm younger. I'm not pretty, I-"

I cut her off with a short laugh, and kiss her temple, to show I could care less.

"Don't pretend." she says scowling. "Im not ugly, but I am certainly not pretty." she says.

"Fine. Your not pretty. so?" I kiss her cheek. she's not pretty- she's not beautiful- those words are described for girls who are just for show. Tris- she is striking. She is noticeable.

She will be mine.

"I like how you look. Your deadly smart. Your brave. And even though you found out about Marcus- your not giving me that look. Like im a kicked puppy or something." I tell her, my voice going soft. That is what I like most about her- heck, there are so many things I like about her, I can't choose.

"Well. Your not." She says.

I look into her eyes. Those yes that draw me to her. Those grayish-blue- ocean eyes. The blueness, that seem to open up the world. The gayness, that seem to shut everything out.

Im not going to resist this magnetic pull any longer. It's just not natural, and is impossible to stop it.

I touch her face, and lean in. I brush my lips with hers. I then press my mouth to hers, grinning, because I love the feeling. This is what I want. And it's what she wants considering she doesn't pull away. I pull back, just so she can compose herself.

She is about to say something but I don't let her. I crash my lips with hers again, enjoying the chemical reaction forming between us.

This is right.

This is perfect.

I am in my room now.

I do not regret what I did. Tomorrow though, I would have to pretend nothing happened.

The thought hurts me so I think about something else.

Like how I liked kissing her.

Now I smile.

I remember why I like her. And that is because of the virtues she has.

The virtues we lost.

The factionless want to throw away the world of factions. I agree to, because the honorable things that were made for the factions are long gone. But the factionless shouldn't rule. They would be terrible leaders. They failed initiation, because they were unable to follow the virtue being taught. So why should they rule?

I don't think a faction should rule either.

The virtues has drifted off, into it's own island, of corrupt leaders, hunting the divergent, who understand that to survive, you must have more than one virtue, to continue.

The faction. They aren't what they were meant to be. I keep telling my self that.

They arent what they were meant to be.

Factions

They were supposed to help us.

Not anymore.

Amity is kind- not always to be pushed around, unable to defend themselves, because it is not "Peaceful" To protect yourself.

Erudite is intelligent- not to be a manipulative faction, that uses knowledge to go against others.

Abnegation is selfless- that doesn't mean you can't think of yourself now and then. Especially if it's for your own safety.

Candor is honest- Honesty isn't telling people about your most embarrassing, or private thoughts. That is loss of dignity.

Dauntless is brave- They are to be brave and courageous. To stand up for others, in the midst of fear. They are supposed to be guardians, helping others from danger, when it comes- not looking for danger, but waiting for it to approach, before attacking it.

This is what I was taught about the faction. This is not what they are today. That is what they where meant to be.

But the honorable virtues are long gone.

We may never find them again


	8. Chapter 7

The next morning I have a small, barely noticeable smirk on my face. It's still their though.

How am I going to do this. I don't want to hurt her. I would have to pretend she is like another initiate to me. Like I have been for weeks.

Nothing new.

Pretend like she's nothing to you.

Even though she's everything to you now.

I sit down next to Zeke, and try not to imagine how Tris must feel at the moment.

"HEY!" Shauna says a few seconds after I sit down. It's like she just noticed me sitting down. She probably did.

"Excuse her. She's hyper as hell." Zeke states smirking at her.

"From what?" I ask, but could possibly care less. I feel guilt. But I remind myself, it is only to help her.

Well. Amar/conscience reminds me. Four/Tobias just wants to sit next to her, alone, and talk.

"I don't know. Possibly the muffins." Lauren says, a small sly smile crossing her lips.

"You should eat something lauren. You have the lil devils looking at your fear landscape today." Zeke says biting his burger."

"Fine. But really? A burger for breakfast?" Lauren replies, taking a blueberry muffin. Taking MY blueberry muffin.

I glare at her.

"What? You try showing your fears to initiates. It's tiring! Especially the public humilation one… god I hope no perverts get that one." She says looking up at the ceiling, her cheeks red.

I look at Tris, just for a second, out of curiosity. How would my friends react if they found out I took tris in my landscape?

Tris stares back. I feel happy that she cares enough to look at me. I feel upset that I can't talk to her. Like Uriah, Will, and Christina can. I glare back at my table upset.

Zeke's jaw practically hit's the table. "Is the magnificent Four Eaton _pouting_?" He says, wide eyed.

"Never thought I'd see the day." Lauren says.

Shauna is just tilting her head side to side. Sometimes, I wonder if she drinks alcohol for breakfast.

"Why would I be pouting." I say still scowling at the middle of the table.

"Stop glaring at the table. The poor thing did nothing to you." Zeke says patting the table like it was a puppy.

" Just tired." I snap "I am NOT pouting." I say.

"Sure…" Lauren, and Zeke say. Shauna starts banging her head on the table. Yup. She's drunk.

I sigh. "Get off my back. I'm not in a good mood." I say glaring my eyes at zeke.

"Man. If looks could kill." Zeke says cocking his head at me.

"See you guys at the fear landscape room." I say still scowling.

All i want is for this day to be over, so I can talk to Tris.

I hope I can at least have that.

Lauren Explains the fear landscape. She explains the process, and her fears.

I have to stop myself from spotting Tris.

Easier said than done.

Lynn, Shauna's little sister, Asks the question that question that brings eyes on me.

"What's the lowest number anyone has ever gotten?"

"In recent years." Lauren says eyeing me. "Four."

I glare at my feet. I feel people looking at me. Now they realize why I am important to the dauntless.

Now they know I have the least amount of fears in record.

Now they know.

But tris was the first to know. In this initiate group, anyways.

I am not paying to much attention to what lauren says. I am focusing on how I changed so much since abnegation.

I was supposed to be selfless. I was supposed to think of everyone before me. I still do on occasions.

Now, I snap at people, use guns, throw knives, joke around, make sarcastic comments, and am just plain rude. I am four.

Four. The dauntless initiate with four fears.

Supposedly "brave."

But no. I am a coward for coming to dauntless to leave marcus.

I disgust myself.

One by one, the initiates go in.

That's when I hear a scream.

I have gone looking for Tris. She left after I yelled at her, and slapped me. Very hard may I add. But that's not what hurt most.

It hurt me to know I was the one who upset her. It hurt most to know she was upset with something I had done.

After her little scene though, I pretended I was angry at her. I put a scowl on my forehead, and a glare on my eyes. I told everyone to get back to what they were doing. I couldn't go looking for her, for two reasons.

The first being she needed time to herself.

The second being the fact that it would be suspicious. The instuctors don't usually go looking for initiates who were upset at them just to apologize.

Wait. There were three reasons why.

The last being simple: I had nothing to apologize for. I WAS HELPING HER. Does she really think I know of her as a pathetic stiff? Please. This is the girl who jumps off buildings without knowing if there is anything beneath it. Who climbs Ferris wheels, and makes me want to follow her.

She should know better.

But I am still mad at myself. I feel I should apologize, without saying sorry. Sorry is something you say when you do something wrong.

Apologize is what you do when you feel bad about something, and just feel the need to explain yourself.

But I can't find her anywhere.

I don't know where she is.

She wasn't in the transfers dorm. She wasn't in the dining hall. She wasn't with Uriah.

I looked everywhere. But the chasm. If she isn't their it means she went somewhere else.

Out of the dauntless compound.

Man I hope she just took a walk near the chasm.

I walk down a little too eagerly.

Sadly, she isn't there.

Did I truly drive her away out of the dauntless compound? Out of dauntless?

My heart pounds. Did she become factionless?

I try not to hurry off to the dorms again to quickly. That would be suspicious.

Oh who the hell cares now!

I run.

When I make it their, my heart feels like it was walking the whole damn time. But I think it is frozen, with nervousness. I go over to her bed ( A little weird that I know where it is, I realize…) and open a her desk drawer. Her clothes are still here. Something catches my eye. She hasn't thrown away her gray shoes from abnegation.

Surly she wouldn't leave for the factionless without those.

Then it hits me.

Only one person would be so naïve to do whatever she pleases, whenever she pleases. Only one person would be so_ stupid_ to break this simple, easy rule. And it is quite easy to do.

Don't leave the dauntless compound without a members escort.

I don't know where she might be.

Not abnegation: She didn't think she belonged their.

Amity? No. Tris seems like the type of person who would be insane to see so many smiley faces.

Candor? No. Why would she? Being a divergent, You literally have to lie to survive.

Erudite? Abnegation born: Hates Erudite for her releasing an article about her family.

But then it hits me.

When I was looking up her results. It said she had a brother. Caleb. Caleb Prior.

He chose Erudite.

Tris would have gone to see him.

A divergent in the erudite headquarters.

She might as well be a deer in the lions den.

A striking fawn, with blueish-silver eyes, in a den full of lions with glasses, coats, and serums, testing her, playing with her with the serums they will inject in her for test results, Until killing her for being something she was born as.

Oh.

Crap.

I am marching down the halls, to the trains, but then I hear something. It is Eric.

I hear this sentence that confirms that Tris went off. A sickening feeling goes inside me.

You made her do this. Idiot.

"Perhaps the little abnegation girl inside of you would take this seriously."

I fling the door open, practically, breaking it. That's how mad I was. But not at Tris. At Eric.

How dare he try to scare Tris. Can't he see that she doesn't run from things? Especially when she is scared? That she isn't a coward?

That she isn't a me.

"What are you doing." I state. It's not a question. I'm starting to demand things like the girl next to me. She makes me act differently. She makes me feel strong. Stronger than Eric.

He notices this. He snaps out of his little tough mask, and I see the Erudite coward in him.

"Leave the room." He says loudly. Loudly, but weakly. He is trying to sound stronger. But he is failing. I will always be stronger. As strong as I can be, as long as I am doing it for Tris.

I don't care if Eric has power. I have more. I haven't used it in a while, because it was selfish. But I don't see another viable option.

"No. she's just a foolish girl." A foolish girl that apparently can crush my heart, and fill me with guilt. "There's no need to drag her in here a interrogate her." I say.

This time, the voice of authority is with me. My eyes deadly, marking my target-Eric- like I do before throwing a knife, or firing a gun. When Eric made me throw knives at her, I was thinking about throwing the knife at his arm or leg. I didn't do it, but if I had a knife or gun right now, I would shoot him in the head, with no problem.

It scares me that I actually mean it.

"Just a foolish girl?" He snorts. A horrid sound. Almost worse than molly's. almost. Not quite.

"If she was just a foolish girl she wouldn't be ranked first now would she?" . He couldn't possibly know. Does he know about her divergence?

No he doesn't. If he knew, then Jeanine would know. And if Jeanine knew, then she would be in erudite strapped to a table, with a rope tied on her wrist and legs, restraining her from moving, so Jeanine can test serums on her. And then kill her. I wince at the image in my head.

She's okay with that fact for now though. She is no more danger of exposure. But she needs to get out of here. And to do that, she needs to be week. Even though she is far from it.

I look at her, while pinching my nose, hiding my gaze from Eric. I give her an understanding look. A look that says to remember what I told her before.

And she does.

"I…I was just embarrassed and didn't know what to do." She puts her hands in her pockets. Tears well up in her eyes. At first I think she is remembering what I did to her, and my heart sinks. But then I see that her pocket is clenched- She's pinching herself.

I try hard not to laugh. That is a good strategy. At eric's angle, he won't be able to see it though.

"I tried to…and…" She doesn't know what to say next.

"You tried to what?" Eric says sympathetically.

SYMPATHETICALLY!

NO!

Now you might think I got a little jealous…okay a lot… and my mouth talked before my brain thought.

"Kiss me." I tell tris.

I realize my mistake though, and continued, basically winging a highly dangerous situation.

"And I rejected her. And she went running off like a five year old. There's nothing really to blame her for but _**stupidity**_." I stress on the word stupidity, so she realizes I really meant it. She's to focused on Eric's reaction to notice though.

Tris- So busy looking for the little details, that she misses the biggest obvious ones.

Eric burst out into a fit of laughter. He laughs very loudly- and for a long time. It's as if he is watching a hysterical video, that keeps going back to replay.

"Isn't he a little to old for you Tris? He says, tears of evil laughter in his cold, dead eyes.

Tris does what she did when Peter taunted her on knife-throwing day-She brushes his insult off, and ignores it. I wish I could do that, but instead, I want to choke him. I would if I didn't want Tris to be scared of me.

She wipes off a fake tear, and says "Can I go now?"

"Fine, but your not allowed to leave the compound without supervision again, you hear me?" I can't believe I'm saying this- but I hope Tris does what Eric says this time around.

"And you" he says pointing at me.

What'd I do?

"Had better make sure none of the transfers leave this compound again. And that none of the other try to kiss you…" He says, still laughter in his eyes. I don't know why he's laughing. More girls look at me, then this guy who probably has piercing inside his brain. I don't point that out though. I'm not worried about the rest of the transfers being idiots and running out of the compound.

"Fine" I say after rolling my eyes.

Tris walks out of the room. I am desperate to follow her-to explain my reasons. To see if she still wants… I don't know what she would want with me. I don't know what she would want from me. Why would she? I drove her upset enough- I called her pathetic in front of everyone- in front of peter, when she wanted to be stronger near him now.

I made her look weak.

But once Tris leaves the room, and is half way across the hall, and when I am about to escape from this suspenseful room- Eric talks.

"Not so fast four." He says eyes a little narrowed, with the look of realization. What did he realize?

My heart stops, and I swear, I saw the light when I blinked.

I turn around. "What." I say. Maybe a little too disrespectfully, but this guy doesn't deserve my respect. He deserves my fury.

"Tris…I don't think you would…what's the word-reject? Yes, let's go with reject. I don't think you would reject her." He says cocking his head to the right.

My heart flinches. My eyes widen with surprise. He couldn't. He couldn't know. Could he?

I compose myself clear my throat with saliva, and straighten.

"Now why would you think I want that." I say. I flinch at my own words. I already know the answer to that question- I've answered it at least a million times- but I doubt Eric knows the answer.

"I don't know-but I've seen you staring at her. And you have been acting-nervous lately. Ever since the middle of stage two."

I think of the only obvious thing I can think of.

"Obviously. One of the transfers hitched off the chasm. This time, I'm going to make sure I can stop it." I say. It's the truth. But only some initiates apply. I wouldn't stop Peter, Drew, or Molly if they jumped off.

"Hmmm…." He says, exactly like he did on the day with Tris leaving the training room with blood on her neck, pooling from her ear. My doing.

I pretend it doesn't bother me, Even though I'm pretty sure the flames on the side of my rib cage has turned into real fire, that is burning me with anger.

" I think your lying." He says. "I think you wanted to kiss her." He says smirking.

As much as I hate to admit it, Eric is smart.

And this is when i use my abilty of changing subjects.

"Please." I say rolling my eyes. "Your just mad no one tried to kiss you before. And never will." I say cocking my head to the side. The only way to fight fire is with more fire- or water, but I'm not going to go the easy way out on this one.

His eyes flash with cold anger. His hands twitch.

"I can too." He says flustered.

I'm going to piss him off.

"Then why hasn't a girl stopped to talk to you all day." I say.

I'm pushing it. But his face is so red, it puts a tomato to shame. He deserves this torture. He deserves to know what it feels like to make others suffer.

" Watch it. I can make anyone come into bed with me- especially your little stiff."

That's low. Even for him. I don't let his words hurt me, because I know tris wouldn't. She's to pure for that.

"uh-huh." I say nodding my head. "You made a girl flustered, and you made her cry. Not to mention the fact you made her best friend go over the chasm. Or that you made me throw knives at her." I say proving my points. "Im sure she would be happy to be less than a yard near you."

He is silent. I know I have won. The look on his face says it all.

I have won this argument.

But he has that small dim evil light in his eye.

That dim light might as well say "I know your hiding something."

Once I leave that room-at last, I am faced with a much more important problem.

Why must she always be a problem? I wonder if she always broke rules in abnegation.

I must say though- I find it enduring when she does things like climb Ferris wheels.

Crazy girl who I can't forget about even for a second.

That's Tris alright. I don't have to push her into her true strength- she's already doing it herself.

But she needs to stop pushing to hard, or else she will snap. I have been trying to test her strength, ever so slowly, because I was afraid I would push her so hard, it would break her into a million, shattered, unfixable pieces.

I don't want that.

She is close to that point though. And what she needs is to stop pushing, and go down a few pegs. And to do that. She needs to be happy.

I wonder if I could do that. Could I make her happy? Do I make her heart go faster than a dauntless on a dirt bike? Just as she does to mine?

I know what I want- I try hard to keep it hidden. But is it what she wants?

She has already been in trouble enough today. I don't want to remind her.

When I am near enough, I notice she is scowling. Scowling at me. She is mad at me.

I feel guilt, and sorrow. The two emotions I only feel when I shoot the woman in my fear landscape.

But hurting the emotions of the girl that is changing me into a new person, into a person I would rather be? Hurting that girl that is changing me into someone braver? Hurting her, emotionally, or physically?

It hurts much more than the mark of murder.

"What?" she snaps at me, eyes narrowed. I hide my hurt.

"Are you all right?" After saying those words, I just know I'll be asking them again. Soon.

I am touch my hand on her cheek to comfort her, like I did the night Peter, Drew, and Al attacked her. I remember how she accepted the gesture, and pressed her face into my palm, and how my hand was tingling with wanting when I felt her breath on my fingers.

When she smacks my hand away, I know she won't forgive me easily.

"Well. First I got reamed out in front of everyone, and then I had a chat with the woman who's trying to destroy my old faction, and Eric almost tossed my friends out of dauntless. So yeah it's shaping up to be a pretty great day, FOUR!" the sarcasm was so clear, a deaf man could hear it.

I shake my head, and sigh. I look at an old building made of bricks. Their must be factionless in them: Only they would feel welcomed to live in an old crumbling building.

I want Tris to understand what trouble she is in. I want her too. It's a pity she won't. not easily.

"Why do you care anyway?"

Because I love you.

"You can either be cruel instructor-"

I don't wan't to be a cruel instructor-am I a cruel instructor?

"Or concerned boyfriend"

I'd rather be that. Wait. Does she want me to? She wants me to. Yes, im sure of that now.

"You can't play both parts at the same time."

But she has to realize that i _have_ to play both roles at the same time. It's not my own choice.

I need to set that record straight. Now.

"I am not cruel." I hope. "I was protecting you this morning. How do you think Peter and his idiot friends would react if they found out you and I were…" I sigh. I don't know what we are now. It's up to her. I don't know if she would forgive me- If she doesn't, I'll miss her more than anything. I'd want her more than anything.

"You would never win. They would always call your ranking a result of my favoritism than your skill."

I wait for her response, a little too eagerly. realization hits her. She doesn't say anything for a long time. She puts her hands on her warmed cheeks.

I'm still waiting.

"You didn't have to insult me to prove something to them." she says finally.

"And you didn't have to run to your brother just because I hurt you." I snap back, but immediately regret it.

"Besides." I rub the back of my neck. "It worked didn't it?

"At my expense." She claims.

"I didn't think it would affect you this way." I say, as if that fixes the fact that I yelled at her, and called her pathetic.

I look down at her and shrug.

For once, Tris did something a normal girl would do-run for comfort when feeling hurt.

I made her run.

I made her hurt.

She ran away fro me because i didn't comfort her.

But I had to. There was no other way.

I kept telling myself this all day-It doesn't help.

"Sometimes I forget that I can hurt you. That you are capable of being hurt." I tell her.

I close my eyes.

And in the next few seconds, I feel warm lips on mine. She only kisses me lightly, but it is enough to take the hundred-pound weight of guilt off my shoulders.

"your brilliant, you know that?"

Am I forgiven or am I not?

"You always know exactly what to do."

"Only because I've been thinking about this for a long time." I say kissing her again. I've been hoping I would be able to do this again all day.

"How I would handle it if you and I were…"I say my lips brushing hers as I talk.

my voice trails off again. I don't know what to call us. But then something strikes my mind. She wants me almost as much as I want her.

Almost. Not quite. she will never want me more than i want her.

"Did I hear you call me your boyfriend, Tris." I pull back, and look at her.

"Not exactly." she shrugs. "Why do you want me to?"

I wrap my hands around her neck, and use my thumbs to tilt her chin up. I put my forehead with hers. My eyes close.

I know the answer to that._" Yes. I do want to be yours."_

But what I am thinking now is this: _would it be best?_

This complicates things even more. I stayed for her, here in dauntless. It's true-not that she needs to know that.

But Eric knows. Or at least he thinks he does.

Initiation will end soon anyways. And im not going to wait.

My heartbeat picks up. My breathing a little ragged.

_This is what I want._

"Yes." I say.

I have to be certain about Eric though. I have to be sure he was convinced.

"You think we convinced him your just a silly girl?" I ask concern in my voice.

"I hope so. Sometimes it helps to be small."

I almost laugh. What she did-pinch herself to make her cry- was just quick thinking on selling the part. It had nothing to do with being small.

I almost laugh. But the next thing she says brings me back to a more serious matter that involves both of us.

I just realized she doesn't know yet.

"I'm not sure I convinced the Erudite though."

_She has to know. _

"there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it."

Now isn't the best place or time to tell her though. I know when to tell her though.

"Not now." I say. I glance around for camera's. were okay. None are angled at us. But someone would be curious if I walked out of the room, but just disappeared into thin air for a few minutes. I'll need to do some video editing later.

"Meet me back here at eleven-thirty. Don't tell anyone where your going.." I tell her.

She nods, and with that, I walk quickly down the halls, into the control room.

It amazes me how much I have to delete footage around here for one person.

Tris.

And at that moment i realize two more things.

I apologized without saying sorry, and she forgave me without saying it's okay.

I frown a little. i hope we don't always have to talk like that. I want to trust her. i want her to trust me.

I do trust her. Mainly because she is a huge aspect in my life now. Who new a person could change so easily?

I was four-the instructor everyone took seriously.

Now, to her, I am Tobias. The guy that can't get her out of his head.

I was four- the boy that ran away from his father.

Now i am Tobias- the guy who left his father who lost all sense in selflessness, and chose to live a life of thrill and bravery.

I was four. The guy that tried to belong in a place where he didn't

I was four. The guy with four fears.

I was four. A legend.

Now i am Tobias again.

I am Tobias: The guy that now believes he is brave, because he is honorable, not ruthless.

I am Tobias: The guy that has four fears, because their was little he cared for. Now he cares for a girl.

I am Tobias: A dauntless legend, that tries to help others when they truly need it.

I am brave.

I am selfless.

I am four.

I am Tobias.

I have two sides to me.

I have a past that haunts me when i try to hard to move forward.

I am Divergent.

When I see Tris late at night, I don't give her time to talk. I take her hand, and pull her with me to the train tracks. I jump in the car that leads to the place where Erudite headquarters can be seen at a distance, but clearly. I pull Tris in with me easily.

She bumps into me, her cheek against my chest. I trail my fingers down her elbows making her quiver. My fingers feel like an electromagnet. I can't repel away from her, but when I touch her, little pleasant shocks go through me.

We are far enough from the compound that it is merely another building against the crumbling city.

"What is it you need to tell me?" Tris says against the wind.

We are still far from the destination we need to go to. A few more minutes at the least.

"Not yet." I say.

It hits me then that we are alone, away from the ruthless hellions, On a train, waiting for a few minutes.

Why not have some fun?

I pull her down with me, my hands grasping her elbows. She is on top of me, and I have my back against the car's wall.

The wind makes her hair go in all direction. Her eyes glow, a dim glow. They are dark, yet bright. Hidden, yet exposed.

And apparently, can attract me easier than how cake attracts Uriah- Which is saying something.

A put my hands around her neck, and bring my lips to hers. The wind whistles eerily, and the wheels screetch.

I trail my kiss, down from her mouth, to her jaw line, slowly going across her neck. I feel her sigh against my cheek.

The train shifts to the side, and throws Tris somewhat off balance. She holds on to my waist too steady herself.

She realizes her hand is on my waist, a few seconds later. She is about to remove it- bbut I don't want her to.I t takes every muscle in my body to stop myself from keeping her hand where it is.

But I don't have to. Tris thinks better of her descision, and descides something else-something I like.

She wraps a leg on me, so she is now directly on top. My heartbeat beats faster, and louder, as she kisses me. My spine straightens with anticipation, and exitment.

I do what I want-and hopefully what she likes-and trail my fingers along her spine. My hands find the zipper of her jacket, and pull it down, exposing her collarbone.

Something flickers in the corner of my eyes, once I open them. My lips still on hers, my eyes drift to her collarbone-at the tattoos of the crows. I wanted to ask her about that- about why she has a fear of hers tattooed to herself.

The crows are flying, and look as if they are ready to come out of her collarbone in any minute- only one person can draw so vividly- Tori. I can tell she worked extra hard on this one. I smile.

"Birds. Are they Crows? I keep forgetting to ask." I say.

"Ravens." She smiles back. "One for each member of my family. You like them?"

That explains much more. I pull her to me, and kiss each 'raven'. My lips melt into her, and my body warms.

When I pull back, I see the bean, and I know we are close to Erudite now.

Time to show her why I got her here, I put my hand on her cheek. Her eyes are closed, and I know she doesn't want to get up. I don't either. I'd rather stay here, with her, and forget about the faction systems. Forget about everything.

But I have to.

I sigh, and say "I hate to say this, but we have to get up now."

She nods, and her eyes open. I look away, before I change my mind about getting up. Now is not a time to get distacted.

I point to a building that stands out. One who's lights are on. And as far as I know, are on all night long.

"Apparantly the city ordinances don't matter to them." I say as calmly as I can. "Because their lights will be on all night."

"No one else has noticed?" Tris say, frowning. She knows what I am about to say won't be good.

"I'm sure they have, but they haven't done anything to stop it." I stop and shrug, trying tonot make her so tense, but I am rigid at the thought. "It may be because they don't want to cause a problem with something so small." Their lights being on is small news, considering what theyre planning.

"But it made me wonder what the Erudite are doing that requires night light." I say.

Tris still hasn't said anything, so I continue.

"Two thongs you should know about me. The first is that I am deeply suspicious in people in general. It is my nature to suspect the worst in them." Thanks to Marcus. No one else has noticed the glare in his eyes- the evil they hold. Thanks to him, I thought everyone was just as bad- that was until I came to dauntless.

" And the second is that I am unexpectedly good with computers."- Actually, marcus forced me to learn. When he did "Teach" me though, I rarely made mistakes though-but when I did…

I shudder, and push the thought away. She doesn't need to know that much.

Tris nods anyways, so I continue.

"A few weeks ago, Before training started, I was at work, and found a way into dauntless secure files. Apparantly, we are not as skilled as the Erudite are in security"-The password was 'Kill4.' I just know eric picked the code.

"And what I discovered was what looked like war plans. Thinly veiled commands, supply list, maps, things like that. And those files were all sent from Erudite" I finish. I succeed in keeping my voice from trembling.

"War?" She says casually, brushing her hair to the side. This doesn't shock her.

It shouldn't. The factions are corrupt. It was bound to happen.

She looks up at me. Her eyes searching mine. "War on Abnegation?"

I entwine our fingers to gether. Her fingers are long despite how small the rest of her frame is. They fit perfectly with mine.

What I am about to say to her will hurt her.

"The faction that controls the government. Yes."

I flash of panic, or fear goes through her. But she has to know everything. She has to know what to expect.

"All those reports are supposed to stir up dissension against abnegation. Evidently, the Erudite now want to speed the process. I have no idea what to do about it…or what can even be done" I look at the city ahead of us.

How was life before the 'Great Peace.' the treaty that made the factions. That made the virtues of honour. Great Peace. That stupid document is going to cause a great war.

"But why would Erudite team up with Dauntless?" she asks. I thought that question too, before the answer hit me a few seconds later.

It seems to hit tris too. She looks at me, her eyes wide, confusion, and anger in her, obviously.

"They're going to use us." she states.

"I wonder, how they plan to get us to fight." I know for a fact, most of the dauntless won't follow through to being Erudite puppets.

The wind starts playing ith her hair, as she finally says the three words that anyone else would say in this situation.

"I don't know."

And with that, the train turns to go back to the compound under ground. The one that neighbors Hell.

Dauntless.


	9. Chapter 8

Today is the last day of Dauntless initiation.

Finally. I don't have to be responsible for a whole bunch of irresponsible children.

I don't have to be bossed by Eric anymore.

I don't have to be "Cruel Instructor." at least, until next year.

And best of all, I won't be in trouble for being with Tris, and i won't have to go behind my Friends backs.

Unless of course, she doesn't want anyone to know. i don't really care, as long as she's mine.

A strange word. _"Mine."_

_Mine._

_**mine**_

**Mine**

****It's strange because it's a word uncommon in abnegation. This is not abnegation though. and thank god for that, because then, i wouldn't be allowed to hold her hand. or touch her. or kiss her.

Oh yeah. and an abusive father would be in the way. i may feel fear toward him, but if he-or anyone lays a finger on Tris again- it'll be what drew's condition was but ten times worse.

It's morning. early morning. And so me, Zeke, and Shauna go up to the net, and remember our own initiation.

I'm late as well. it's five-o-four. i was supposed to be there by four thirty.

I'm not the most punctual person.

Once i arrive, Zeke and Shauna are already there, talking.

I may not be punctual, but my friends are not patient. At all.

"Hey! look who FINALLY came!" Zeke says, throwing his hands up in the air.

"I...was busy." I say.

"With what? Napping?" Shauna says.

Yes.

"No." I say.

"Your hair is ruffled." Shauna states.

"Your wearing the same shirt as yesterday."

I glare, but realize it's to dark for them to see my eyes.

Might as well joke around. I'm eighteen. Initiation is over. I can joke about.

"Nice to know you notice my shirts Zeke."

And to shauna i say "I fell asleep at midnight. the last time you stayed up till midnight, it was with the guy that notices the shirts i wear." i say jerking my head to Zeke.

They look stunned, but then crack up. I find a small chuckle too.

"Good to have ya back four." Zeke says.

"you slept at midnight? Doing what" Shauna asks.

Uh oh. Probably shouldn't have mentioned that.

"Stuff." i say matter of factly.

"Suspicious suspicious. Very suspicious" Zeke says rubbing his chin. Or his so called 'beard'

"Come on. tell us. we promise not to tell a soul. and no lieing." Shauna says.

I think of a way to tell them what i was doing, but leave out a special someone who no one needs to know about. Yet.

"I was at the trains. went around the city." I say

"Your leaving something out." Shauna says.

Since when have my friends had 'how tell if someone is lieing' tips from candor?

Time for my specialty: Changing the subject.

"This reminds me of last year. when we came here, and started teasing around. We had a dummy that said Eric on it's head, and we started throwing knives at it." I say. i do remember that night: Zeke filled the dummy up with a bottle of cake mix. we each threw three darts" hitting the Eric dummy on the head, in the heart, and Shauna's idea- in the groin.

In the end we thought it was a waste of cake mix, and just gave it to Hector and Uriah.

We start remembering our initiation. How i helped Shauna do better in combat (i learned some defense moves from Amar, and had some experience from my...past.) How I helped Zeke control his fears in a simulations. And then how Shauna helped cool things with Lauren and me. And how Zeke always tries to lighten the mood.

I remember how i was then: stupid-idiotic even. I've learned now. i've learned. Even when i did though, i wasn't really...happy. then again. I never really was. I was always feeling fear, or loneliness, while i was in abnegation. I wanted to help other in need- i really did. But i was unable to, because of Marcus.

When i came to dauntless, i was happier. especially after initiation. But i didn't feel...complete. it got worse when Amar died.

And now. here i am. Actually...joyful. well, as joyful as a person who knows war is near could be.

All because of Tris.

The final Evaluation.

Also known as "The Fear Landscape."

I can tell some of the fears people face. They faced them in their simulations too.

But i am not paying attention to them. Only there timing.

I'm waiting for Tris to go in her landscape. She is last to go in. I try to find out her fears, just by seeing her reaction.

She flails around- the crows.

She hits starts hitting something frantically- the glass chamber with the water trickling in.

She looks calmly at one, bu there is panic in her eyes.- Is this the one with peter? My jaw clenches.

And then she lets out a frustrated shriek.-A new fear.

On her fifth fear, she starts to look for something frantically. she starts panicking. she tries to calm down-once she succeeds in doing so, she looks behind her, and her eyes hold shock.

The dauntless leaders crack up. What's so funny? Tris pushes something away. I'll have to ask her about it later.

Her final fear. I know which one it is.

Tris looks at something directly, and starts telling someone to shut up. Her family, allowing their lives to save her. I know that if this was a real life scenario, they would do this. But Tris' reaction is different. In her simulations, she didn't do anything until the countdown ended.

This time, she moves her head backwards, and closes her eyes.

The screen flashes.

And with that, Stage three is over.

When some people from the pit come down to congratulate Tris, i come along.

Eric comes over to her. a little too close. I suddenly remember our,_talk_.

Is he _really_ going to try?

I am near the doorway, so i only piece together some of the words Eric exchanges to her- Serum-tracking-security-in case-missing- those types of things. He laughs 'lightheartedly' and smiles at Tris. Tris flinches from him, disgusted.

Eric is about to inject the is unsure of herself, but lets Eric ease in the needle.

He sees me across the room, and I smirk.

He looks at me coldly, and then his eyes lighten up. that can't be good. last time he did that, it was teasing sledgehammer, in trying to make him stand in front of a target.

He's plotting something.

The people walk out of the room, but i stay behind, nodding for Tris to come by.

She nods, and comes forth. She is close by. I have a wanting now. A wanting for her.

"I heard a rumor you only had seven obstacles. Practically unheard of." I say smiling at her.

Smiling. never thought i'd like anyone. Then again, never thought i'd have Friends, or have four fears. Or have a mother who leads the factionless. But i'm not going to think about that now.

Or ever.

"You...you weren't watching the simulations?" She says with shock.

"Only on the screens," She had an excellent time. "The Dauntless leaders are the only ones who get to see the whole thing. They seemed impressed." I tell her, trying to assure her.

She may have had more fears than me, but she went through her landscape faster than i ever had- or anyone. I don't tell her that though. She doesn't seem to admire attention.

"Well, seven fears isn't as impressive as four," She says, looking at me. "but it will suffice."

"I would be suprised if you weren't ranked first." One thing is for sure though- she is in the top ten.

"I have a question. How much did they tell you about my fear landscape." She asks, biting her lip. She's not telling me something.

"Nothing, really. Why?" I question, raising an eyebrow.

"No reason." She says kicking the ground. She is a terrible liar.I'll ask her later though.

"Do you have to go back to the dormitory? Because if you want peace and quiet you can stay with me until the banquet." I ask.

I want to talk to her. She is mine- i know that. But i barely know her. I don't even know what her favorite thing about dauntless is. I want to fix that. I want to know her.

She thinks for a minute, her cheeks the faintest color of pink. The color drains out, as she says Two words.

"Let's go."

"Want some water?" I ask her, slipping my shoes looks...pale. That must be because the fear landscape tired her.

"No thanks." She says, looking at her hands. Something isn't right. was it something in her fear landscape? Is she nervous about the final results?

No. she wouldn't be. that is what a normal person would worry about. She's not nervous in her results. I ask her.

"You okay?" I ask. she nods. I feel her breathe hitch, as wrap my fingers carefully on her chin, and lightly kiss her.

She kisses me back, slowly. I find the Zipper on her jack, and pull it down. The jacket falls, and Tris flinches. She pushes me back. I stare at her shocked.

""What? What's wrong?" I ask, feeling hurt. She wasn't like this before. Something is wrong.

She puts her hand on her face covering her eyes. She shakes her head.

"Don't tell me it's nothing," I say, a little upset that she doesn't trust me enough to tell me whats on her mind. What did I do?

"Hey. Look at me." I say, Carefully, holding her wrist, and gently tugging them away from her face.

"Sometimes I wonder...what's in it for you. This...whatever it is." She says.

My mind jerks at that. That is exactly what i thought of us a few days ago. I didn't know what we were. Until i was sure she wanted me. is she changing her decision?

Whats in it for me? Does she think she's not enough? Doesn't she realize she more than enough? and she thinks she's less?

I decided to stay with her here in this hell hole. I am the one who is rude to her, and like she says, i yell at her more than i yell at anyone else, but that is only because i care.

"What's in it for me?" I ask. The real question is whats in it for you. "Your an idiot Tris." I say frustrated.

"I am _not_ an idiot," She says scowling.

_Sometimes you are._

"Which is why I know that it's a little weird why out of all the girls you could have chosen you chose me. "

_I chose you because your different. Unique. Smart. selfless. brave. not afraid to go through things head on. Not all girls...are like that._

__I dont know why i don't say that out loud.

"So if you're just looking for..um..you know..._that_,"

_That?_

"What? Sex?" Does she think i want that? If i really was like that, like Eric, i would have lost my virginity long time ago.

"You know, if that was all I wanted, you probably wouldn't be the first person I would go to."

She jerks back with hurt on her eyes.

Crap. wrong choice of words.

"I'm going to leave now,"she says, walking toward the door.

NO!

I instinctively stop her from leaving grabbing her wrist and pulling her back. I can't let her leave. I can't. She's mine. she means to much to just leave me. I am not going to let her leave like that. Not without clearing myself.

She hits my chest-hard, but i grab her other hand. Our hands making sure she doesn't leave my hold. I can't let her do that-I can't.

"No, Tris. I'm sorry I said that. What I _meant _was you're not like that. Which I knew when I met you."

It's true as well. when i first saw her, she didn't look at me the way others did. she didn't notice me because of the way i look.

She accepted me for my actions, and my choices.

I accepted her in a blink of an eye. when i found out i cared.

"You were an obstacle in my fear landscape, did you know that?"

At that, i mentally, and physically jerk back. When i touched her before, it was like a nice, electric feeling, that calmed me, yet made me exited and alert.

But hearing those words were worse than touching a hot iron, and a tasor on high voltage.

"You're afraid of me?" It comes out as a question, but it's a sorrow fact.

"Not _you_,"

Eh?

"Being with you...with anyone. I've never been involved with someone before and you're older and I don't know what your expectations are...and-"

My expectations? i don't expect anything from her, except bravery and honour.

"Tris.I don't know what delusion you're operating under, but this is all new for me too."

And with that she is not only the only person i show my fear landscape to, but she is also the first to know that i never had _that._

__I'm part abnegation for heck's sake.

"Delusion? You mean you haven't..." she trails off.

"Oh. _Oh. _I just assumed..." assumed that i would let any girl near me that way so easily? Please.

"Um. You know." she says.

She does find me attractive. Flattering, really. but she doesn't want to sleep with me yet. something in me sinks at that thought. we'll get there though.

wait.

what?

was i really thinking of sleeping with tris?

I feel heat all over my body. i don't want to scare her with that fact- but if she ever wanted me too, i certainly wouldn't stop her.

"Well, you assumed wrong."

I look away. Dammit. I'm thinking of sex now. She's changing me too much.

so i'm not going to let her slip away for something stupid i said a few moments ago. and im certainly not going to let her go just because she doesn't want to sleep with me yet. I respect that.

Which is why i am so detrmined right now. I turn back, and see her eyes.

Silver. blue. a winter ice a frozen ocean. hiding so many things to herself.

I was like that too. but i opened up to her.

"You can tell me anything, you know. I am kinder than I seemed in training. I promise." I tell her. for reassurance, i kiss her on her forehead.

Well, i'm not any nicer:not to just anybody, anyways, but i would try. i would try for her.

My lips still on her forehead, i notice, she is smiling a little, not jerking away.

i slowly, kiss her nose. still not scared.

Then her lips. she allows me. She trusts me enough to know i won't do anything she doesn't want me to.

Relief spread through me, as i kiss her a little more passionately

My hands go to her shoulders, about to rest on her waist, until they feel a small, stitched fabric.

A bandage.

Did Eric hurt her the other day before i came in?

I feel pale. I swear, if he did, i will go over there now with a gun in hand, shoot him across the face and-

I might be over reacting. It's a bandage.

"Are you hurt?" I ask. The question i was about to ask though, was 'did someone hurt you.'

"No. It's another tattoo. It's healed...I just wanted to keep it covered up."

she just got another tattoo, and i assume Eric shot her.

_What is wrong with me?_

I turn back to tris. I am curious on what she might have gotten that she didn't want anyone else to see. Will she trust me to see it?

"Can I see?" I ask.

she nods her head, once, and slips her shoulder out of her shirt.

I peel the bandage of, breathing on her neck. she must have found that comforting, because she seems less tense.

It's two palms. abnegation.

She doesn't needs to cover it. if that was the case, then they wouldn't have that tattoo in the first place.

i laugh, and say "I have the same one. on my back."

"Really? Can I see it?"

I fix her shirt back up.

"Are you asking me to undress, Tris?" i ask, with the smallest hint of lust, and wanting.

really? i'm think of her like that after she tells me she's afraid of coitus?

She laughs a little nervously, but says, "Only...partially."

I nod, and a small nervous look comes across my face. Another thing i am letting this girl do that i would never do- let her see me shirtless.

I try acting casual- taking off my shirt easily, as i do every time i need to put a new one on.

"What is it?" She asks, frowning just the slightest bit.

"I don't invite many people to look at me. Any people, actually." I tell her, as i remember how Lauren would always look at my chest as she would mentally take my shirt off.

when she would do that, i would walk away, shauna and zeke curious as to why i would leave. Good thing me and Lauren are cleared now- i think.

"I can't imagine why. I mean, look at you." she says softly, walking behind me.

Dauntless and abnegation, the largest tattoos. the other three below it, but smaller.

"I think we've made a mistake. We've all started to put down the virtues of the other factions in the process of bolstering our own." I tell her.

"I don't want to do that. I want to be brave, and selfless, _and _smart, _and _kind, _and _honest." I clear my throat. around saying 'kind.'

"I constantly struggle with kindness." I tell her.

i somewhat was always intrigued at the amity. how nice, and peaceful they act. I try not to act up most of the time. i sadly, fail most of the time.

"No one's perfect. It doesn't work that way. One bad thing goes away and another bad thing replaces it." She puts her fingers and traces the abnegation symbol. I am eager at her touch, with excitement.

"We have to warn them, you know. Soon."

"I know. We will."

"Is this scaring you, Tris?" I ask her, turning around. she looks at my chest, but meets her eyes to mine. A small wave of panic.

"No. Not really...I'm only afraid of what I want." she replies.

"What do you want?" I ask her. but then i get it.

"Me?" i ask. she nods slowly.

I find myself nodding with her. I scare myself sometime- talking to my conscience, scaring other people, thinking of a girl a little more than sociably acceptable.

actually, i quite enjoy that last one. i know she thinks of me too. I don't mind.

I take her hand, and slowly put it on my lower abdomen. I slowly bring it up, over my chest, across my shoulder, and onto my neck. the whole time, the little electric shocks building up.

She doesn't seem scared, or panicked now- more...exited? and is that a look of wanting in her eyes?

No. i'm imagining things.

Or am i?

"Someday, if you still want me, we can..." I cough. what am i telling her exactly? that i want to be able to be closer to her one day?

I try again," we can..." but she stops me. She smiles, a short smile, before letting her head rest on my chest, her ears listening to my heartbeat.

It instantly picks up, and i know she can feel it. I make no effort in stopping it. her hands around my waist, her body pressed to mine. This is so...right.

"Are you afraid of me, too, Tobias?" she asks, backing up a little.

I register the question in my mind.

Am i afraid _of_ her? no.

Am i afraid of having sex with her? no.

Am i afraid of her being hurt? Yes

Am i afraid of losing her? yes.

Do i love her?

Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes.

I don't tell her all this though. i just tell her

"Terrified." with a smirk, so she knows i'm kidding.

sort of.

She turns her head around, and kisses my neck. The air in my lungs are long gone.

"Maybe you won't be in my fear landscape anymore." She says, whispering.

I do too.

"Then everyone can call you six." I tell her.

"Four and six." she says smiling.

Her hands move up to my chest, and i kiss her, again, my hands grasping her waist.

She kisses me back.

Tris and i end up on my bed, my head resting on her stomach, her knees bent, while mine lie carelessly talk about little things. careless things, at first, avoiding anything about initiation, or the so called, plotted war.

She plays with my hair , and starts ruffling it around, messing it up.

I groan, playfully. "Stop that." I say.

I look at her, and she scowls, before messing my hair up even more.

Stubborn.

I grab her hand, and put it over her stomach, which just happens to be under my head.

She sighs, and starts fixing my has a smile playing on her lips, and before i can even think, she sits up, abruptly, thus, dropping my head on her lap.

Two can play at that game. i sit up, and grab one of her shoulders, and push her down on the bed. Me, on top of her. She growls.

My eyes linger on her lips. she notices, and kisses me. I let my guard down, which was a bad idea, because next thing i know, she swings herself on top of me, her legs wrapped around my waist.

Well, now i know she trusts me enough not to make her sleep with me.

She wraps her arms around my neck, still on top of me, and crashes her lips with mine, her legs, tightly wrapped around me, so she has me pinned down.

I let her, my hands trailing down her side to her waist. I pull back, breathing heavily with excitement.

She sighs again, and is about to get off me, but i push her back on top of me before she could leave.

"Stay." I tell her. she smiles, and takes a pillow, putting it vertically on my chest, before lieing down on it, chin on the pillow, so she can look at me.

"Okay?" She asks, tilting her head to the side.

"Not quite." I tell her. Her eyebrow arches in confusion.

I put my lips on hers. and mutter "Perfect."

"hm" she says, breathily.

I chuckle, and pull back. She asked me a series of questions earlier, avoiding you-know-who.

Then, a light bulb clicks in my head.

"My turn." I tell her.

"Your turn for what?" she asks, biting her bottom lip.

"To ask you questions, of course."

She sighs, and says "I'm not that interesting, but go ahead."

Of course. She just happens to be a magnet for trouble. That's not interesting at all.

"What is the most interesting thing that happened to you the day before the choosing ceremony, apart from the aptitude test." I ask curiously.

She thinks for a minute, and then her the corner of her lip goes down.

"Do you want my honest answer?" She asks.

"Of course."

"Well...a factionless guy grabbed my wrist and told me to 'Choose wisely'. Oh, and he said i have pretty eyes."

And she says she's not interesting.

"Then what?" i ask, voice cold.

"He took some dried apples and left." She says casually.

"And he said you had pretty eyes?" i ask. "he's wrong. Pretty is too small of a word." I tell her.

Her cheeks turn a bright red, and she puts her hands on her cheeks to cool them.

"Hmm. you describe then." she says.

"In one word? Striking." I tell her. I knew the answer easier then what one plus one is.

She laughs.

The day before choosing ceremony-Aptitude result day. the day she found out that what she was, could easily kill her.

"Hmph. that was also the day you found out that you were divergent." I whisper. "How did you react to the fact that you belong to dauntless, _and _Abnegation." I ask.

"And erudite." she corrects.

"Huh" i say in alarm, jolting Tris a little. That didn't affect her to much though, but i was now, less than an inch to her lips, and i could feel her breathes.

"Abnegation. Dauntless. And Erudite. my aptitude results." she whispers.

"Three factions?" i ask her.

"Yes. it would have been four of them, but Tori over-rided the simulation, so she could try to take out another faction- it worked. If she didn't, Candor would be in my test results."

"Tris." I tell her gravely. "How many people know about this." I ask her slow, and steady.

Three factions? Is that even possible? I'm divergent as well, yet i barely even got two of them.

I knew why she intrigued me. makes sense know.

selfless, and brave. with a whole lot of Smart.

that's My tris.

MY tris.

"Just Tori. and you. my mother knows i'm divergent, but she doesn't know with which factions." She says, a little worried.

"When did your mother find out?" I ask her, trying to calm down a little.

"On visiting day. she had a feeling i was divergent, and asked me. she told me not to even _say_ the word. she took me somewhere near the training room to tell me." She says. "Are you okay Tobias?" she asks.

"Yes. No. I don't know!" i exclaim, falling back on the bed. Tris wraps herself on my neck with her arms. The pillow is in the way, so i pull it out from under her, so she falls on my chest.

"You knew i was divergent. You expected me to have multiple results. whats wrong with my results?" She asks, confused.

"i thought you had two. not three. i'm not sure its possible" i say against her cheek.

" is there something wrong with me?" she asks quickly, obviously alarmed.

"no...it's just" i sigh. " i don't know." i finish.

she does too.

"don't worry to much about it" i say, moving my mouth next to hers, so it brushes when i talk. " your doing just fine hiding it." i say

it's true. for someone with three scores, you'd expect her to be more noticed. i guess being a 'stiff' helped her.

okay." she says, still unsure.

I kiss her forehead, going around her neck. she moans. I smile, and go up her chin, but stop at her lips, and laugh. "You don't know how glad this makes me, i say, as i press my mouth to hers, my tongue, playing with hers.

She sighs. and rests her head to my chest, getting off me, and laying down next to me.

"Me too." She says.

I am about to ask her how, but her breathe becomes even, and she falls asleep, tightly in my arms. I breathe against her neck, and my eyes droop too.

Before i fall asleep into her neck though, i think of one thing.

And that is the fact that i have completely fallen for Tris, and that I love her.

I love her.

I love her.

I love her.

I just hope that doesn't scare her.


	10. Chapter 9

Me and Tris end up falling asleep. I heard people running to the pit, and gently shake her, so she wakes up, but not with alarm.

She wakes up with a small jolt.

"Gotta go. Final rankings remember?" i tell her softly. She nods and wakes up.

If it where up to me though, i would rather let her stay here for the rest of eternity.

I let her walk in first. I enter approximately sixty seconds later.

I steal a quick glance. she is sitting with Christina and Will. I sit with Zeke. And Shauna. And surprisingly, Lauren is talking again.

"Well, look who finally came back!" Shauna exclaimed. "I was beginning to think i'd be the only girl in this group of ours." shauna says looping her arms around mine and zeke's neck. Very tightly i may add.

"Choking!" zeke says with lack of oxygen.

"Oops. sorry." She says letting both of us go.

"Yeah, i was just busy...initiates and all." Lauren says, cracking a small smile.

I turn my head and look at Tris just for another few seconds. I love her: but does that scare her?

Her friends are laughing, while Tris glares at Christina.

Man i hope she never glares at me like that. If looks could kill...

I cock my head to the side and sigh, and turn back to my friends.

"What were you looking at?" Shauna says.

Why are they so observant all of a sudden? They never noticed me doing things before!

Am i making it obvious that Tris is mine?

"Nothing. Just initiates." i say.

"Which one?" Zeke says popping a pink piece of gumm in his mouth. That gum is for little kids, but he likes it anyways.

I swear, his parents must of dropped him while carrying him when he was younger, or he may have accidently hit his head on a flag pole.

"It's obvious which one. Tris. Duh." Shauna says. smacking his head, as if it was obvious.

"HUH!?" I say a little too alarmed possibley, my eyes wide at the sudden exchange of words.

"You were looking at her. Just admit it." Lauren says laughing.

I slap my forehead with my hand.

"does that gesture mean you admit it?" Zeke asks raising an eyebrow.

Yes.

"No." I say.

"You sure?" Lauren asks.

No.

"Yes."

"You sure your sure your sure."

No.

"No."

Oh man. i was supposed to so yes.

"HAH!" they all say at the same time, pointing there index finger at me.

Crap.

"'Well, hello to you too." i reply dryly. I however, quietly pray no one heard them.

They all quiet down, and compose ourselves.

"Did you kiss her?" Shauna asks.

Yes.

"No." I reply.

"That means yes." Zeke says.

"Does she like you?" Lauren asks.

Yes. I'm pretty sure.

"I don't know." i shrug.

"That means most likely." Shauna says.

"Are you WITH her?" Zeke asks.

Yes.

"No."

"Good, then i can-" Zeke starts, but i glare at him, and smack the bottom of his jaw.

"THAT PROVES IT!" Lauren says, hands exclaimed.

I growl. I just got tricked.

"Thude i think i thit my thonge" Zeke says, sticking his tongue out, and examining it cross-eyed.

We all chuckle at Zeke. a few people passing by our table do as well. Uriah looks utterly embarressed.

"So. You and stiff." Shauna says.

"Do _not _call her that" I say.

"Why not! you call her that. Just a weeks days ago, you said ' There's a stiff named Tris in my transfer class.' I don't think she minds being called one either." Shauna says frowning.

I told my frieds about her? when? huh. i must of thought i was thinking it, but i must have said it.

"Yes well, it's okay for me to call her that." I tell her.

"Aww. a nickname!" Lauren says bubbly.

"I like the sti-Tris, she was great at zip-lining." Zeke says.

I remember Uriah mentioning that part. Which reminds me I have to kick him for commenting on my attraction to Tris.

"What did you say to her." I ask, curiously.

"Hmm. about you? all that comes to mind is that i told her you told us about her." Shauna says.

"It's official. I will never trust you with another secret again." I say, holding my right hand up, solemnly swearing.

"Amen."Lauren and Zeke say.

We all laugh.

Suddenly Eric is on the intercom.

"We aren't big on speeches here. Eloquence is for Erudite."

"Eric the eloquent Erudite." Lauren says, rolling her eyes.

"So I'm going to keep this short. It's a new year, and we have a new pack of initiates. And a slightly smaller pack of new members. We offer them congratulations."

Everyone claps, and thuds tables. Zeke, the loudest of all.

"Your hands are gonna get red, and broken!" Shauna hisses at him.

"Let em! I'm Dauntless!" He screams!

Everyone around us cracks up.

Zeke... Lil rascal.

"We believe in bravery. We believe in taking action. We believe in freedom from fear and in acquring the skills to force the bad out of our world so that the good can prosper and thrive. If you also believe in those things, we welcome you."Eric says.

"What a liar." Zeke says. "He stole that line from Amar's speech.

We all get quiet at the mention of Amar.

"Tomorrow, in their first act as members, our top ten initiates will choose their professions, in the order of how they are ranked. The rankings, I know, are what everyone is really waiting for-"

"No, we're waiting for the Amity to hold guns and jump off trees." I say rolling my eyes.

"They are determined by a combination of three scores- the first, from the combat stage of training; the second, from the simulation stage; and the third from the final examination, the fear landscape. The rankings will appear on the screen behind me."

At that exact moment, the rankings go up. I look, as usual, from bottom to top.

12:Drew- a fair punishment to the one that tried to murder My Tris.

11:Molly- Never liked her, so not a loss.

10:Jolly- dauntless born initiate- what were her parents thinking? Jolly, the dauntless?

9:Cecil- not a bad kid. he's okay.

8:Emily- I Don't even know her.

7:Christina- Two things i thought of . The first: Aww man. The chatterbox is in. the second: Tris' friend is in, so that's okay.

6:Will- I liked how he stood up for tris- he understands courage, and deserved this.

5:Peter- He better watch his back in this compound.

4: Marlene- She's crazy enough for dauntless. Not a surprise.

3:Lynn- I remember she kicked me and swore revenge. Great now i need a shield.

2:Uriah- A Divergent in number two: his isn't that strong.

Only one person left...

1: Tris- I am not shocked. She's brave. standing up for others. selfless, to the point of bravery. I grin and get up.

I tap her shoulder and she turns around, getting up, happy to see me.

"You think giving you a hug would give away too much?" I ask, a small smirk playing on my lips.

"You know, I really don't care,"

She wraps her arms around me and kisses me.

I smile, as she does. I brush my hand around her neck, noticing her injection from earlier. I got one as well.

At that seconds alarm, and realization hits her. Is she afraid of me again?

"Tris?" I ask concerned.

"Not now," She whispers, her voice grave. her voice, and look on her face was like that when i told her about the attack on Erudite.

"Later, okay?" She says. I nod.

Everyone starts to file out, to celebrate a few minutes later. I go to my room, and wait for Tris. when i realize the fear landscape would make her tired, about everything that just happened, i stop, and fall asleep, Eager to see Tris tomorrow.

That night i wake up to marching, lifeless soldiers.


	11. Chapter 10

I stood there, shocked. I finally got what Tris realized. She pieced all the small things together, so quickly. She's perceptive, but the best thing to do in this situation, is to follow the crowd.

It is something she could never muster up, even if her life depended on it.

which it does.

I have to find her. I know she wont be asleep. What does Tris do?

She would try to blend in. And it is what i have to do.

I walk with the rest of the dauntless-People from the pit- past initiates.

Zeke.

_look ahead. Zeke will be fine. He is brain dead like the rest of em. Tris on the other hand..._

And Uriah.

I have to help him to. It kills me to let Uriah fend on his own during a time like this. Zeke would be crushed if anything happened to him.

But Tris

but Uriah.

I have to choose.

And i know who i would choose-Tris.

I act like a soldier Until i hear max. He says my name, and i think i've been caught.

But no. He is screaming at Eric.

"Why did you you inject four! I told you not to! What of No injecting four, was not understood!" he says exclaiming at Eric.

"I...forgot?" Eric says. A lie. He did this on purpose.

Max is doing this

Eric is doing this.

Erudite and dauntless are doing this.

But i look for Tris.

We arrive at the trains. I see a few initiates on board. Tris has to be near.

She has too.

I know she won't look brain dead. she will look to alert. to jumpy.

Too...stiff.

Too demanding.

Someone touches my shoulder, and freeze.

"You. help the other soldiers on board." Says Madge, a dauntless leader.

A command. I must be doing well at being brain dead.

I get on the train and help others in- Other initiates.

I help in initiates, into a train, probably to their own death.

I don't know.

I see Uriah. He looks brain dead enough. He has been playing dumb with people since childhood. When i first met him, he lied so well, he could have gone to candor and lied right to there lie detector.

That little skill of his served him well today.

when he grabs my hand, i give him a small, but certain nod, to assure him he is doing fine.

He nods back as well, but quietly.

A few more initiates later, i see Tris.

Yes.

I have never been so tensed, yet relieved at the same time.

She sees me, and her eyes light up. She must have been looking for me- i try to squeeze her hand in reassurance, but i see Madge, watching around-looking for the divergent.

I let Tris go as easily as i did with the rest. She stands in the train. no one next to her other side. Perfect.

I let the last one in. Madge comes forth, and i freeze.

"Go in line." she says. The soldiers must be controlled. I walk, monotone, next to Tris. She doesn't notice.

She thinks i am not Divergent- I haven't exactly told her yet- I should have- i know. I never told anyone that before. only Amar, and after what happened to him-

I never wanted to tell anyone what i was. I was in that danger.

But then she came. and i opened up to her.

So i Grab her hand, and twine our fingers together.

Now she knows.

She squeezes my hand, probably to make sure I'm real. I squeeze back. She is here. so she is safe with me. I will die for her if I have to.

She is tense. I have to assure her. To make her calm- Someway to tell her it will all be fine.

Even though i don't know that for sure.

None the less, i slowly move my fingers around her palm. It doesn't seem to be helping.

I keep staring straight ahead.

When we finally arrive, to the abnegation sector, i have no time to remember the horrid moments. I have only one thing to say, And it is to Tris.

"Run." I tell her.

But to my dismay, She shakes her head no. "My family." She says with longing and commitment.

What did i expect?

I need her to go. but she won't. I need to make her near me.

We walk into the middle of the sector of grey houses, flooded by black-clothed soldiers with guns, tattoos, and piercings.

We walk until we hear sounds of guns.

sounds of murder.

I see Harrison, the tattoo piercer, who always tried to make us initiates laugh, hold a gun at abnegation leader who would always stop by and give the children lemon drops, but told them not to say a word about it.

He is shot without a second of hesitation, by Harrison.

I see Tori, the woman with the strong spirit that was so admirable, hover a gun at an abnegation Leader: the one in charge of feeding the factionless, and helping the sick.

Shot in the back of his head. And he did no such wrong.

I see Lauren, always fun, and tyring to make us laugh, in her own psychotic, funny way, kill an abnegation leader who always carried children on his back to make them smile.

Losing his life to a person who would not intend to kill someone so helping and selfless.

And those were only three.

Only someone so evil- so calculating- so selfish-so cowardly- would enjoy such a thing.

Speak of the Devil and he shall come.

"This is insane!" Eric. He says it like it's hysterical to him. I don't care though. I have more important things to do than to worry about his thoughts on this war he helped plan- i have to figure out how to help stop this.

Eric pokes Tris cheek.

okay. now i have to worry about Eric.

And Tris.

she surprisingly stays still. She does it better than me. I want to take my gun and shoot him.

what? i did say _"if anyone lays a finger on her, i will murder them." _

But i can't. I'd be a found Divergent.

"They really can't see us? or hear us?" Madge asks.

"Oh, they cansee and hear us. They're just not processing what they see and hear in the same way. They receive commands from our computers in the serum we injected them with-" He touches her neck to the spot where he injected the simulation serum in.

I beg my body not to punch him in the jaw, knocking out a tooth like i did on that fabulous day during initiation.

"And carry them out seamlessly."

Everyone but the Divergent.

He stands in front of me in a blink of an eye.

I do not flinch.

He doesn't scare me, and never has.

"Now this is a happy sight."

_I should punch you in the eye's so you can't see._

""The legendary four. No one's going to remember that i came in second now, are they? No one's going to ask me 'What was it like to train with the guy who has only _four fears_.'

In that instant his eyes look furious. In that instant, he seems out of control- a maniac. In that moment I realize he always was and will always be one.

In that moment he flips his gun in his hand, and points it straight at my head.

Before i wouldn't care about dieing- It was never a fear.

But i can't die now.

If i move now, i will be arrested for being Divergent- I can only pray Tris does not do the same.

But i just know she will.

I am not afraid at this moment.

I am not worrying about my life- i am worrying about hers.

Why am I so abnegation?

Abnegation-dauntless;Grey coals-coals on fire. Abnegation was selfless- but Dauntless is meant to stand for one another in the sight of fear.

Like the abnegation- like the coal- but with a burst of fire and excitement-the dauntless.

I almost laugh. Dauntless and abnegation: they are so similar: Even in there symbolic way.

Am i insane for thinking _this _before i die?

" Think anyone would notice if he got shot?" Eric says.

"Go ahead. He's nothing now." Madge says, getting bores- she's as psycho as Eric.

But she is right. I was never really something- I was always a ghost in the corridors of dauntless- never fully happy- until a few weeks ago.

"Too bad you didn't just take Max up on his offer, Four. Well, to bad for _you_, anyway." Eric says menacingly, putting a bullet in the chamber.

He would never do this if he thought i were alive. Coward. My hand twitches at the slightest, in the thought that Eric is doing this- Eric is causing deaths of thousands of innocents.

Then suddenly, he freezes, and his eyes are full of fear. Huh?

I shift my eyes, and I see a gun connected to his forehead. When i see who's hand it is attached to, I curse under my breathe.

Tris.

She says it coldly, simply, and dangerously serious as the day she spoke up for Al.

"Get your gun away from his head." She states.

"You won't shoot me"Eric says smugly.

_She doesn't like you man! No one will! Expect Madge, but she's old and desperate!_

"Interesting theory." She says. I hope she does- in the skull. He deserved it.

But she puts it down, and i am shocked she did.

Well. Until I hear a **bang **and see Eric Clutching his foot- she shot his ankle.

That's my girl.

I shoot Madge in the knee, and i know it hit her.

I about to grab Tris, but she beats me to it, running. I grab her hand and squeeze. She's fast- A good thing.

But not faster than a bullet-She stumps to the ground, the second it is shot.

I turn to see who shot her- Eric.

She falls to the ground. When she tilts her head to look at me she yells "Run!"

I have nothing to run from. I will never run from her. My decision is final as i say "No."

We are surrounded,as i help Tris to her feet. "Divergent Rebels. Surrender your weapons."Eric says with glee- even though he's whit as a ghost.

I have no conscience to tell me what to do- i have to built-in guide in my brain anymore.

From now on, i do what i decide to do. And those decisions will be based of Tris.

So i hand my gun to the dauntless nearest to me.

And carry Tris next to me.

We walk forward-There is a gun pressed to my neck making me go forward though. There is one on Tris' spine. I wish he'd take it off- She's already coming quietly- he should be happy considered the things she could possibly do.

When we arrive at Jeanine's, oh so wonderful building, i feel myself turning into Four.

"Well send some of them _back_ on the train then," She exclaims "It needs to be well guarded, its the most important part-I'm not talk- I have to go." she says to the phone. Her eyes linger to Tris.

"Divergent Rebels" Says a dauntless leader-I recognize him from the pit.

"Yes, i can see that." She might as well have said 'You don't say! here's a gold star!'

She puts her 'glasses; (there is no glass on it), And points at Tris, as if accusing her. I am about to break her finger, and tell her not to point at my innocent Tris.

"You. I expected. all the trouble with your aptitude test results made me suspicious from the beginning. But _you" _she says pointing at me.

"You Tobias-Or should i call you four?-manage to elude me" she whisper/talks. "Everything about you checked out:Test results, initiation simulations, everything. But here you are nonetheless." She puts her chin on her folded hands. "Perhaps you can explain to me how that is?" She asks.

She is treating me like a math problem, or a lab rat. I am a human being- human beings have emotions. It's time i showed her my anger- not everything is a simulation- not everything is a problem.

Let's make her feel like the problem for once- lets treat her like a robot.

"Your the genius. Why don't you tell me." I tell her scowling, still with Tris in my arms.

She curls her lips into an evil, lion's grin. "My theory is that you really do belong in abnegation. That your divergence is weaker."

She grins, happy that she figured it out- i wonder if she realizes i am actually smarter because i managed to stay hidden, without her finding me- even that silly aptitude test couldn't do it.

"Your powers of deductive reasoning are stunning. consider me awed." i say, whatever comes up in my mind.

Tris looks sideways at me. She looks weak, but determined- Great, now i want to kiss her.

"Now that your intelligence-" _and mental disability,_ "Have been verified, you might want to get on killing us."I close my eyes, and try not to imagine it "You have a Lot of Abnegation leaders to murder, after all."

She keeps smiling like an idiot once i open my eyes. She gets up from her desk. Tris' Eyes roll a little, as she struggles to stay awake, she slumps into me, and i wrap my hands, carefully tracing her waist, and pull her against me.

"Don't be silly. There is no rush." Right no rush in killing a few men and women, possibly a few children. "You are both here for an extremely important purpose. You see, it perplexed me that the Divergent were immune to to the serum that i developed, so i have been working to remedy that. I thought i might have, with the last batch, but as you know i was wrong Luckily i have a new batch to test."

To dumb it down : Were lab rats now.

"Why bother?"Tris croaks out. I can't tell her to hush, or else she'll faint from exhaustion: She'd try to prove me wrong.

"I have had a question since I began the Dauntless project, and it is this." She says walking around her desk. "Why are most of the Divergent, weak-willed, God-fearing nobodies from Abnegation, of all factions?"

Abnegation? Weak-willed?

It's obvious really with the abnegation supply the most of the divergent rebels:It's where they go to protect themselves. They would think the abnegation would protect them: The abnegation are also the most divergent because they are strong spirited: they use reason and logic to fix things first: they try to be kind: they stand for one another.

The abnegation use the virtues of all five, to help others, and they don't even realize it. I am not going to tell Jeanine my logic though.

"Weak-willed." And she thinks she's so smart, when she can't even see the abnegation are stronger than they appear in there grey robes. "It requires a strong will to manipulate a simulation, last time I checked. Weak-willed is mind-controlling an army because it's too hard for you to train one yourself."

"I am not a fool,A faction of intellectuals is no army. We are tired of being dominated by a bunch of self-righteous idiots who reject wealth and advancement, but we couldn't do this on our own. And your Dauntless leaders were all too happy to oblige me if I guaranteed them a place in our new, improved government."

Again, i let my mind talk, and don't think about what I say. i snap.

"Improved," I give a sarcastic laugh.

"Yes, improved," Jeanine says, glaring straight at me. Why is she mad? she's the one trying to destroy the place i truly belong. "Improved, and working toward a world in which people will live in wealth, comfort, and prosperity."

_And terror. You left that part out, no it all._

"At whose expense?All that wealth…doesn't come from nowhere." Tris says. She adjusts her hold on me.

"Currently, the factionless are a drain on our resources,"

_Nooo... people who barely can feed themselves don't have enough resources to give to you!_

"As is Abnegation. I am sure that once the remains of your old faction are absorbed into the Dauntless army, Candor will cooperate and we will finally be able to get on with things."

"Get on with things," i say shocked. does she truly think that people will just forget about a faction war? does she think she can just snap, and get what she wants? What did she do to help us? Make a test that can find a unique individual, so they can later kill them?

Does she think that things will end up fine after this?

Is she human?

"Make no will be dead before the day is out, you—"

"Perhaps if you could control your temper,you would not be in this situation to begin with, Tobias."

"I'm in this situation because you put me here,The second you orchestrated an attack against innocent people."

"Innocent people.I find that a little funny, coming from you. I would expect Marcus's son to understand that not all those people are innocent."

_But what about the ones that are innocent? the ones that don't deserve this injustice act of idiocy?_

"Can you tell me honestly that you wouldn't be happy to discover that your father was killed in the attack?" she asks.

That hit a nerve.

That's low:Even for her.

Well, no it isn't, but still.

There's no denying it: Everyone knows i hate Marcus.

"No,But at least his evil didn't involve the widespread manipulation of an entire faction and the systematic murder of every political leader we have."

Jeanine is a thousand times worse than Marcus: Yet i do not fear her.

"What I was going to say is that soon, dozens of the Abnegation and their young children will be my responsibility to keep in order, and it does not bode well for me that a large number of them may be Divergent like yourselves, incapable of being controlled by the simulations."

Control.

I remember learning that the world is a balance of good and bad: Everything has an opposite. You can't control everything: To keep the balance, there have to be things unable to control: To strong to break.

Like a Tris.

Like my Tris.

"Therefore,It was necessary that I develop a new form of simulation to which they are not immune. I have been forced to reassess my own assumptions. That is where you come in. You are correct to say that you are strong-willed. I cannot control your will. But there are a few things I can control."

What can she _possibly_ do to me.

"I can control what you see and hear,So I created a new serum that will adjust your surroundings to manipulate your will. Those who refuse to accept our leadership must be closely monitored."

closely monitored six feet under the ground, in a casket. Or maybe not a casket. No. No caskets. she's a human with no ounce of respect.

"You will be the first test subject, Tobias. Beatrice, however…"

What about Beatrice?

"You are too injured to be of much use to me, so your execution will occur at the conclusion of this meeting."

What?

No. No. she wasn't made for that: She's not on this earth to be murdered: I will not allow that. I will not.

This is a story with no ending yet. I refuse to believe this ends here for her.

I will not let it happen.

I will not.

"No," I say shakily. because what i am about to say means so much more than i let on.

"I would rather die."

_I love you too much to die: I need you to live. I will sacrifice me in the process, if i have too._

__"I'm afraid you don't have much of a choice in the matter," Jeanine says softly. She says it as if i am a child who dropped his ice cream cone.

I am not to be talked with like an idiot. I am not Stupid. I am not a coward. I am not going to let Tris _**die **_and have the person about to watch her die say i can't do anything about it.

I am capable.

But i know i can't do so: It would only make Tris' death faster.

Emotion, and passion over take me:And i do what i have to do.

I do the most important task first:I kiss Tris roughly, and push her to the wall, so she can balance a little on her own. I kiss her, telling her the words i can't say: Not because of the situation we're in, but because i'm not sure she is ready for that.

_I love you. _Who would have known i would ever say those words.

And the second thing I do shocks everyone. I feel a surge of power: A surge of Adrenaline.

Adrenaline rush: I haven't had one in the past year. An act of angry rage: I choke Jeanine, so hard, i feel her esophagus squish a little, i am about to crush it, but then, the dauntless guard come, and crush me to the floor.

They pin me down, but i still try to get up. When i see one, Shove Tris to the wall, i am about to grab a gun and kill him, But Jeanine comes toward me, gasping.

Triumph fills me. I did that. But i feel a sharp pain in my neck. An injection. This one is different though: It is a painful needle, and the serum is cold as ice. My brain freezes for an instance. I close my eyes, and when I open, everything is different.

I stand, finally, because for some odd reason, Zeke and Uriah pinned me down.

Zeke and Uriah look different: They look too serious. They never really were. I'll worry about that later.I look for Jeanine, but i don't see her near her desk where she was. In her place, I see Lauren. But why is she holding her neck, and gasping?

"Tobias! Tobias!" Someone screams.

"He doesn't know you." Lauren says.

Huh? Who is she talking too?

I turn to see Jeanine, she is on the wall, unbalanced. Where is Tris? No! They couldn't have executed her already!

I start toward jeanine, but she looks confused. Confused? Why would she be confused on why i am marching up to her? I am about to choke her again.

I wrap my fingers around her throat, and my hand send little shocks to my body.

Shocks? They feel familiar, but where? I have felt this multiple times before. I squeeze my hands to figure out where i have felt this before, this strange sensation of touch. Lauren says something about enemy and friend, but i am too busy to notice.

Uriah takes me away from jeanine. She is crumpled to the floor. Good.

They take me out the door, but i need to go back. I need to avenge Tris. Or find her, if she is still alive.

"Where are we going? I ask Uriah. "And stop shoving, that hurts Uriah." I tell him.

He looks confused. "Um. the control room." He says, Still shoving.

"Uriah, stop shoving." I say, trying to shrug him off.

"He thinks your someone he knows, we don't have to drag him. Let go." Says Zeke.

"Huh?" I ask Zeke.

"Nothing. Control room, now. we'll walk you there."

"Oh. Okay. where are we?" I ask. This place isn't familiar."

"Um, walking toward the trains to dauntless, so you can go to the control room?" Uriah says, unsure of himself.

That doesn't sound like Uri. He's usually confident in what he does.

A train comes by, heading to the dauntless compound, and I jump in. Uriah, and Zeke follow.

We go back to the head quarters: I don't know when i got out: and Uriah and Zeke lock me into the control room, and tell me to work.

"Where's Tris?"I ask. I forget, but i think she was in trouble? Yes. A few minutes ago, i remembered that Jeanine tried to execute her.

"Um. She's...gone." Zeke says, and my heart falls.

I slouch, and let out a breathe.

I am in the control room. I see the a computer. It is similar, to the fear simulation computers.

"Is that the simulation data?" I ask them.

"Yes, try turning it off." Uriah says.

And so i do. but it doesn't seem to be working.

"You okay on your own? Zeke asks. I give a thumbs up.

And with that they leave. They lock the door, and I try to stop this thing. but the numbers keep coming back. My brain is telling me how to stop it.

"Push letters lhspejsmdkf to stop simulation." Something in the back of my head says. So i do.

More numbers come up.

The voice in My head keeps telling me to do things, but they don't work.

At one point the voice tells me "Okay it's fine, it stopped. Just make sure no guards come in here." It says.

So i do. I am confused my this whole thing. so i wait. and wait. and wait.

The computer keeps popping up letters, and i am unsure if i stopped it. there even screens. They show dauntless marching. some people wearing grey, sleeping. Though, they look like they have red on the grey robes.

The door to the control room opens, and Out comes a dauntless guard.

I do what i am supposed to do, and what i want to do, because this person killed Tris, and made the simulation.

But the simulation is stopped. I stopped it. Right?

This person is here to stop me.

"Tobias." She says.

This girl. She sounds familiar.

_"No she doesn't"_ A voice says.

And i believe it, because i am too confused to argue with it.

I remember my orders. Attack anyone who tries to stop me.

This girl though. She has bright, but dim, eyes.

Familiar.

Like a girl i knew...i remembered her name a few minutes ago...but now i forget.

My brain tells me to stop her. so i do.

"Drop your weapon." I say, roughly.

She doesn't move. she just talks. but i can't hear what she is saying. My ears don't allow me to hear what she says. It frustrates me. She hasn't done what i said yet.

"Drop your weapon," I say again. "Or i'll fire."

Will I? I'm not a killer.

The girl drops to the floor, and puts her hand to the ground, picking up another gun.

"Drop your weapon!" I yell at her. what is so complicated about that sentence?

"I did." She says, and i see that the gun that she picked up is now on the ground. When did that get there?

No matter. I have to shoot her.

**Do I have to?**

_Yes. She is dangerous._

**why?**

_Because she is uncontrollable _

She has a conflicted look, and before i can react, she runs toward me. and grasps my wrist, right where it connects to my arm. I am shocked, but i see my gun is pointed at her head. I shoot, but she moves it in time.

She gasps, but regains her self. She kicks me in my rib cage, while twisting my wrist, which she still grasps. Her nails dig into my skin, and my rib winces a bit with pain.

I drop my gun.

She is about to go to the computer, but i grab, her and jolt her closer to me. Strange- this touch seems familiar.

_Kill her._

_**Do I really want to?**_

_yes._

_**I'm not a murderer.**_

_there's a first for everything._

_**I don't want to kill someone without knowing what she has done.**_

_She is trying to start the simulation again, to continue the killing spree._

_**Who's killing who?**_

_The dauntless are brainwashed and killing abnegation. you stopped it, And she is here to start it again. Stop her!_

_**Why don't i remember anything? Explain that!**_

_No time! she's about to stop the simulation, do something! now!_

__I see she is staring straight at me. I punch her jaw, the spot that will make a person unconscious.

she cringes back, but does not fall, and moves the gun away.

Her eyes, however do not roll over. More determination, stubbornness, and power replace it.

why would she hide the gun away, instead of picking it up?

I'll think about it later though, because she attempts to kick my stomach.

She is not fast enough.I catch her foot, and pull, making her fall with a soft thud, to the floor.

Then, and only then, do her eyes roll back-Just the slightest, but she does not faint.

I am about to kick her, but she moves out of the way- fast.

She reaches for the gun, and i grab her long, tangled, hair. She touches my hand, and i get the strange tingles from before. Before i think about it, i push her into the wall, her forehead hitting the side.

"Tobias." She says, and i jolt, at the slightest bit, still grabbing her wrist. Why was i so pleased at how she says my name?

I almost moan.

She notices my small slip-up, and squirms, and kicks my leg-hard. A terrible attempt, But it gives her enough time to grab the gun and point it at me, while laying on her back.

"Tobias. I know your in there somewhere." She says, but i am to charged with power, and anger to listen, or think about the words she says. She stands.

"Tobias, please." The dauntless soldier says. She starts crying- I never thought i'd see a cold-hearted, soul-less dauntless soldier cry. Only a person who cares- who loves, can cry. "Please. see me."

_"She is a dauntless soldier. she went against the abnegation- she wants to continue the massacre."_ I remind myself.

"Please see me Tobias! Please!" She begs.

I scowl. How does she know my true name?

Jeanine must have told her who i truly was.

When she says my name why does it sound so...right? So usual? So casual?

I walk toward her, quickly, before she can shoot- but she has a conflicted look in her eye.

And before i i choke her, or take the gun away, she gives me her gun, Directly, and with certainty in her.

_Shoot her- make sure she dies. _My brain says.

I put the gun barrel to her head- but i can't shoot. something in me screams.

_This isn't right._

My fingers unwillingly click a chamber in place.

_This isn't right!_

She puts her hand on my chest-over my heart.

And suddenly, confusion overtakes me.

Why would she-just stop?

I hear her voice say my name- no, her voice screams it.

Tobias! Four! Four! Four! Tobias. Tobias. Tobias.

Her voice. a picture forms in my mind- little moments, with a girl. A girl with a striking composure. A girl, daringly jumping off a building, Climbing a Ferris wheel. A girl, challenging me. A girl With blonde, delicate hair. A girl who bravely stands for others- a friend- for me.

A girl with crows-ravens, on her collarbone-one for each she cares for.

A girl with abnegation and dauntless on her shoulder-brave to the point of selflessness.

A girl, who changed me with her own choices.

A girl with eyes, pale and lost as the gray sky- as adventurous and alive as the ocean. A girl with silver slights in her eyes- along with a bit of aquamarine.

I blink, and a girl with the same eyes, looks back at me, her hand, gently on my chest.

She still looks like the dauntless soldier though.

I remember her voice, gentle, and firm, and low.

"Tobias. It's me." I hear the voice again, but this isn't a figment of my imagination. I truly hear the voice.

Hands wrap around me, and i am shocked at the sudden touch. I have felt like this before. When?

I remember suddenly.

A girl, holding me close to her in a time of confusion.

A girl standing up to a man who tried to mark me with a belt.

A girl, wrapping her arms around my neck, kissing me, in a quiet place where the water roars.

I blink and everything rushes into my head so quickly, it's a wonder i don't fall to the floor in the sudden realization. My heart rate picks up.

I look at see I am holding a gun.

A girl, hands wrapped around my waist.

_**The**_girl.

I drop my gun.

I hold her shoulder's, trying to see if she is truly real. She cries out in pain.

Everything comes clear, and I finally remember her name.

"Tris."

I crash my lips to hers, Wrapping my arms around her back, grasping her shoulders. I put my head between her neck, and breathe in her sharp, unmistakable scent. I am tired, and exhausted from fighting the serum, and i am shaking with relief, and the fact that i didn't kill Tris.

Oh god. i could have killed her.

A groan, and a moan escape me, at the thought.

And surprisingly, my eyes well up, for the first time ever.

I could have shot her.

I could have killed her.

And she would have let me.

I suddenly have the urge to yell at her for almost letting me kill her.

But she sobs in my shirt, and i know now is not the time. She leans into me, and i see her bullet wound.

"How did you do it?" She asks curiously: one of my favorite parts of her personality.

"I don't know." I tell her with all honesty. "I just heard your voice."

Tris pulls back, wipes her cheek, and looks at the surroundings around her- her first time around the control room. She stares at the screen,that is aimed near the water fountain.

The computer- it's a small thing: No bigger than a miniature Television- You'd expect a machine that control's hundreds of minds to kill would be bigger, but it isn't.

I remember suddenly, how my brain told me to press random numbers, until it told me to stop.

"Was _I_ running the simulation?"

"I don't know if you were running it so much as monitoring it... It's already complete. I have no idea how, but Jeanine made it so it can work on it's own.

I shake my head. "It's- incredible. Terrible, evil-but incredible.

She starts staring at a screen and her eyes go wide.

"Tobias, Now!" She says.

I run to the computers, But Tris' eyes stay on the screen. She bites her lip in apprehension, as i type in the codes i have memorised by heart. I hear a single gunshot, And a few seconds later Tris says my name. but before she can continue, i hit enter, and then everything turns into a sickly silence.

There are dauntless shouting- you can see it in the screens. Tris sighs with relief, and slumps on the chair.

But we are not done just yet.

I pull the metallic case off. "I have to get the Data. Or they'll just start the simulation again." I explain to her.

Tris' watches the frenzy, somewhat fascinated- i can't believe i almost killed her.

The urge to yell at her starts, but i control it.

I don't have to scold her about it- she isn't a child- she's proved that. Instead, i decide to ask her-whats the word? Kindly?

yes i will ask her gently, why she almost let me kill her.

Before i know it,, i have the data. "Got it." I tell her. The disk is smaller then the size of my hand- it broke hundreds of families. I offer it to her, and she puts it in her back pocket.

"We have to leave." She states. she points at a screen on the right.

"Yes, we do." I say, and with that, i wrap my hand around her, supporting her.

both mentally and physically.

The second we walk out the door, a boy with green eyes, and brown hair runs up to Tris and hugs her-I am confused for a moment, until I realise Miss. Prior has those same green eyes- Tris' brother."Dad?" He asks.

Tris shakes her head, with grief- Even her brother contains a sob.

"Well. He would have wanted it that way."

I feel sorry for Tris- she must be crushed. I am about to comfort her. I see peter- his arm shot. Only one person here could have easily done that. I am still walking to Tris when i see him.

My steps falter at the sight of him.

Marcus.

He goes up to me and embraces me.

"Son." He says sighing. I wince.

I can't even think. I look up at the ceiling- somewhat asking god why he isn't dead yet- surly Jeanine would be after the most influential leader.

He's acting how he has always acted- a descent man on the outside- a terrible creature in the inside.

I am about to brush him off me- But Tris beats me to it.

She pushes him back. "Hey. Get away from him."

I breathe against her neck- warning her that this is not my simulation.

"Stay away." She says coldly.

"Beatrice, what are you doing." The older brother asks.

"Tris." I say in an attempt to remind her.

"Not all those Erudite articles were full of lies." Tris says, giving Marcus a death glare.

"What are you talking about?" Marcus says, a half whisper. "I don't know what you've been told, Beatrice, but-"

"The only reason I haven't shot you yet is because He's the one who should do it. Stay away from him or I'll decide i no longer care." She states.

Marcus starts to look at her- as if she had done something wrong.

I protectively wrap my arms around her, and squeeze.

He seems to realize, why Tris cares so much. He stares at Tris, now realizing that she is mine. Then he gives a small glare, and turns.

"We have to go." I say, trying to keep the flood of memories- of beatings- away from my mind. "The train should be here any second."

As we walk, I stare straight ahead- if i looked behind me, I'd see Marcus. My jaw clenches at the memory of how he glared at Tris.

"Sorry." She mutters.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." I reply, grasping her hand. I look and see Marcus narrow his eyes at our entwined fingers, and they shake a little at the sudden coldness.

"If we take the train in the opposite direction, out of the city instead of in, we can get to Amity headquarters." Tris says- perfectly distracting me from Marcus. "That's where the others went." I am assuming, when she says others, she means the other abnegation.

"What about the candor. What do you think they'll do?" Tris brother asks.

Good question- the candor will probably try to negotiate with killers.

We stand my the trains, in epic silence- but I'd rather have it like that then to hear Marcus' voice.

Tris' eyes droop, and i know she is tired. I pick her up, my hand between her knees. She presses herself into me, taking deep breathes from my shoulder.

Soon enough though the train comes, and I have to let Tris down so she can jump on.

We jump in, Tris and me first. I sit next to her, as her brother sits across us. Peter sits closest to me, but keeps a reasonable distance. Marcus is assisting peter's bullet wound.

I suddenly need to talk to Tris. About everything.

We have to.

I pull her against me, and bend me knee, forming a wall. She does the same.

I breathe in her sharp scent, as she breathes mine. This seems to comfort her.

"My parent. they died today. They died for me." She says containing a sob.

I would have died for her too, but instead i might have killed her, unknowingly .

"They loved you."

_I love you._

"To them There was no better way to show you." I tell her. She nods once, and she looks along me jaw bone, and neck.

"You nearly died today." I tell her, trying to keep myself from scolding her. "I almost shot you. Why didn't you shoot me Tris?

"I couldn't do that. It would have been like shooting myself."

A surge of panic goes through me. What if I never get to see her again? what if i die for her, and she never knows this one thing i keep myself from saying?

I have to tell her. Now. because war seems to quicken the pace.

I lean in closer, our lips brushing when i talk. "I have something to tell you."

She touches my hand, caressing it, and looks back to me, so i continue. "I might be in love with you."I smile at the word i first said out loud for the first time. _l-o-v-e. _"I'm waiting until I'm sure to tell you though." I say to her.

"That's sensible of you." She says a faint smile curling up the side of her lip. "We should find some paper so you could make a list or a chart, or something." She says.

I chuckle at the thought. My nose slides against her jawline, and my lips stop, pressing right under ear, along her neck. I feel her shiver, and i smile.

"Maybe I'm already sure." I say. "And i just don't know want to frighten you."

She laughs, a shaky laugh, but says " Then you should know better."

I really should.

"Fine. Then I love you." It stated as a fact. After all, it is.

She kisses me, and i kiss her back, for a long time. She pulls back, and takes the hard drive from her pocket, and puts it to her chest, clutching it.

From the corner of my eyes, i see Marcus and peter, staring at it, as if ready to lunge. Tris focuses only on Marcus' Glare.

Tris leans on my shoulder, and slowly, drifts to a restful sleep.

Soon after, peter lays on the floor, eyes closed, but his face contorted in pain- but he is, nonetheless, asleep. Marcus glares at me from Tris, so i know i can't fall asleep. Caleb slept a few moments after Tris had.

I clear my mind, and remember everything.

My name is Tobias.

I was born in abnegation, but switched to Dauntless for safety from my father.

I believed that the factions system has been corrupted, and the beautiful virtues once wanted, have died out.

I became Four: The dauntless prodigy, and tried to live my life.

I worked in the control room, memorising gate codes, and security systems, because I knew there would be a time when all of this knowledge would help me.

I trained initiates for two years at dauntless as well, trying to find the divergent and help them before the leaders found out there secret- the same way Amar had before his death.

I fell for one of the transfers, as her courage and lack of selfishness intrigued me: soon i found out she was divergent as well.

I told her things i would never tell anyone.

After initiation, the Erudite controlled all the dauntless into trying to murder the abnegation, so they could gain power in the government.

The serum got everyone but the divergent.

Me and Tris were caught: she got shot in the shoulder. We got separated, but a Little while later, she found me.

I almost killed her because Jeanine used a serum that would effect me, but i managed to break it.

And we are now here, heading to Amity, searching for protection.

I can not be controlled.

I am selfless, and would die for the ones who matter.

I am a legend to the dauntless: because four fears is unimaginable.

I am Tobias Eaton.

And I am a Divergent Rebel.


End file.
